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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Christmas presents

13 replies

sofasofa42 · 21/12/2022 08:49

I know I am not being unreasonable, but I am bloody angry... correct if I am wrong..

At huge expense i bought my three nephews football tops . We are British but live in a European county they live across the globe. These tops were Christmas presents . No country my sibling and I live in has any proper delivery service so organising these tops for Christmas presents for them to get them didn't take a small amount of thought or organising. They got them at their house 6 week's ago. I was delighted that I had managed to provide some much wanted presents for my very gorgeous nephews. I adore these boys, I used to live near them and now very rarely see them. Also my ds over the past few years has over taken me in wealth, in spades. Good on her . I don't care . Present prices have had to go up to get any kind of reaction and I don't bother with birthdays- these guys have it all.
She sent me a photo of the boys yesterday and they are in their tops already. So she just gave them to them as an aside before Christmas. No messages of thanks- two of them have phones. Their combined cost is what I spend on my daughter I might add the photo was a mistake.. apparently they have been wearing the tops for weeks.
Ok, so they love them. I am pleased. But now my family will be seen as not providing at Christmas and flippantly they all got £70 tops for nothing. My sibling just said " oh Woops, yeah sorry about the photo. Lucky they are wearing them as x is going to grow out of it"

I might add that my dd has had zero from them for birthday or Christmas- no problem, it's a sod getting stuff to us, but this flippant disregard for a lot of care on my part just makes me furious.

They also had their names and favourite player put on the back.. I am so sad at how casually they were received .

Is there anything in this that I am missing- Am
I being over the top?

OP posts:

Stompythedinosaur · 21/12/2022 09:01

I'd be upset they weren't given at Christmas as well, but it seems crazy to spend so much when it isn't appreciated. Maybe just senf a token next year.

Fairislefandango · 21/12/2022 09:02

Was it clear they were Christmas presents? Either way, you have provided Christmas presents- it's your sister's problem if she's let her dc have them early! YANBU for thinking it's silly that she's done this, but YABU to waste any thought on whether she will think you haven't provided at Christmas.

DurhamDurham · 21/12/2022 09:16

Why are you worried about being seen as 'not providing for Christmas' when your daughter hasn't received a gift from your sister?

The tops were thoughtful, it's good that they're wearing them and probs my had more impact opening before Christmas since they'll probably have lots to open on the big day.
I wouldn't bother next year, I can't imagine buying for nieces and nephews if my own children were Moises out by family.

Needmorelego · 21/12/2022 09:19

Did she know in advance they were football tops? Maybe she gave them early because of the World Cup?

RedHelenB · 21/12/2022 09:19

They are appreciated though? They're wearing them. They know they were gifts from you don't they? Yabu.

SpacePotato · 21/12/2022 09:30

Stop buying for them.
Your wealthy DS can't even be arsed with your child.

ThinWomansBrain · 21/12/2022 09:32

i wouldn't be fussed about the early opening - particularly with world cup.
£70 for a child's top they will quickly outgrow is madness, let alone for children you don't see, and if they're old enough for phones, they are old enough to say thank you.
YABU for spending that much - in your place I wouldn't bother going forward

Original poster

sofasofa42 · 21/12/2022 11:40

I certainly did not set out to pay that money. That's how much the tops they wanted are, and as said previously I don't cover birthdays. They asked me for this particular national top and I love them and saved and bought them in October. The love for this particular country is sweet for me because it's the nationality of my daughter and my home. It's our thing.

Yes DH has talked me down from the rage. The early part wouldn't have been a problem if they had just said - by the way we want the boys to watch World Cup in tops and then a little video saying thanks... it's just basics really. I won't bother again. Last year was a go- pro and no one ever said thanks.

I think I need to move on from this though. Everyone is right.

OP posts:

TokyoSushi · 21/12/2022 11:47

I kind of do something like this, I know it's not really the done thing...

I do sometimes let my DC open Christmas presents early. They have loads on Christmas Day so sometimes it's nice to let them have a treat at another time rather than something special getting 'lost' in the excitement of Christmas Day. I also know, that a lot of people don't think this way and that Christmas presents are to be opened on Christmas Day only. That's why, even though we might have opened the presents a few weeks ago, I never send thanks until Christmas Day so as not to cause any offence that we've 'cheated.' I'd be mortified if I accidentally revealed that we'd opened stuff though and that the sender was upset. Perhaps they were planning to send profuse thanks on Christmas Day as I would have done and will do this year.

Iamblossom · 21/12/2022 11:57

It's very difficult because unless we actually say the words out loud "This cost me a lot of time, effort, thought and energy" we sometimes assume others are empathetic and emotionally intelligent enough to understand that but often they aren't.

I won't give the example I have of this as it is outing but I gave a present last year that required a great deal of thought and effort and I gave it with love really hoping for it to have a massive impact and it fell quite flat. I was hurt.

Don't put yourself through this anymore. It's not worth it.

Hopeyoursproutsarealreadyon · 21/12/2022 12:03

I bet those boys were buzzing. But seems they inherited lack of manners from their dps.
Cards only next year op.

CitronVert22 · 21/12/2022 12:04

I think I'd be pleased that they are wearing and enjoying them. Although I'd have been clear to them if I was your sister that they were early Christmas presents. And a thank you text wouldn't have gone amiss, but that's a tale as old as time.

Kitkatcatflap · 21/12/2022 12:27

I imagine the boys gifts were not casually received at all - I bet they absolutely LOVED them. You have told your sister that the shirts were supposed to be for Christmas and now you don't have to send anything else. Those shirts will not be lost in a mountain of gifts - they have got to wear them for an extra weeks.

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