Am I wrong to quit my volunteering role ?aibu?

[louiipp]

Hi Im nearly 30 and spent the last 13 years being a full time carer for my gran till a year ago.
I loved her so much
She was a mum to me
Im typing this crying but here goes
She died 96 -she had dementia
My heart honestly is broke -I cry every day
I just loved her so much -we used to have movie days ,she used to love her music (Vera lynn ) the most.
Anyway I had a huge hole left and I started volunteering at a local elderly care home.
Only a few hours a week
Just listening to music with them and playing games etc

I can't do it
I keep crying
Today was the worst -they were all singing Christmas songs ,I just keep thinking of my gran
And wishing it was her
I can't stay but I feel bad quitting
I don't want to let people down but I'm a mess

I'm so sorry for your loss Op. I think you need to do what is best for you. Take time to do what you want, what you need. Volunteering is very kind but you must be kind to yourself.

I think you need some help with your grief so you can work through it and get unstuck. If your grandmother was a mother to you then I suspect her loss was really like losing a whole family in one go and that is truly an enormous experience. Often when we are hurting ourselves we try to focus on others and helping these as a way of distracting from our own experiences which can sometimes be helpful but in your case I think the grief is too overwhelming yet. You will get there. It sounds like such a tough time for you though.

You need to take time to grieve. I think you should stop the volunteering - it is very kind of you to have done, but you need to take time for yourself (how you feel will also impact those you meet and interact with). I’m sorry about your gran. She is very lucky to have had you.

It's OK to quit OP. It sounds like this is not the right volunteering opportunity for you - too triggering. I avoided volunteer roles in care homes, hospices and hospitals for exactly this reason.

There are lots of really good causes out there that need volunteers. Why don't you pick something that you don't associate with your Gran. I'm a school governor. One friend drives around collecting food bank deliveries from local supermarkets. Another friend does gardening work in a local community garden. Plenty of things out there...