It's over.He's so angry with me yet he treated me like shit.

[vulnerableolefool]

AIBU here. I'm doubting myself and feeling vulnerable and lonely coming up to christmas. He hated when I pulled him up on shitty bahaviour and would then ignore me for days and sometimes weeks.He has manged to turn the whole thing around on me as I finshed it.He was all over me for the first year.He had never met anyone like me etc etc. Started copying my phrases, my words, my opinions.Showered me with gifts. Then he started to get shitty when I pulled him up on having hundreds of random females on sm. liking their posts eventhough he didnt know most of them in real life. He often stormed off.It was like he could not defend himself and cowered when questioned or challenged.He admitted he couldnt handle conflict and hated it. So now, I'm the worst witch because I finished with him.I finished with him as I got quite sick and needed help with my body, my kids and my home. Because we had had an argument about him not pulling his weight in my home and throwing his weight around, he basically ignored me and did not show up for me.He refused calls for days.He offered to come to my home to do practical jobs for a couple of hourst when I first got ill, but ultimately he let me down as he offered to do those jobs despite not speaking to me because I dared to assert my boundaries. Why is so angry with me now... He is playing the victim beautifully and I'm the worst person ever.Please give me some strength or words to remind me that I'm not going absolutely crazy because that's how I feel right now.Thank you.

Do you want to be in a relationship with him any more?

If the answer is no then that is all that matters.

You don't have to justify it to anyone.

It wasn't working for you.

No I don't want to be with him anymore but have never encountered anyone like him either.It's only now thta the scales have fallen from my eyes that I am looking at his behaviour wondering WTF was that about?? For example, him collecting me after every night out.I thought it wa skind but really it was a form of control. Ignoring me after a row for days....H said he hated conflict so needed space.Now I see it was a form of messing with my head to get me to come running. It was so important to him that the important people in my life, saw him as this wonderful amazing man , but actually he chnaged into a different person around him.i mean he still spoke about himself continuously and got visibly bored if the attention became diverted , but on the whole he was this gorgous, charming, affable and generous man to them. Fun and nice and kind to their kids, a lot more than he was to mine in hindsight.I must have been blind.

Even if he actually was amazing though you could still leave the relationship if it wasn't working for you.

Glad that you have seen through him.

Stop giving him head space. Who cares what he thinks? You ended the relationship - so block and move on.

Trying to justify why you were right, or get him/others to see that he was in the wrong and the bad guy is utterly pointless. No one cares. Don't waste another second on him.

It's over and done, you've blocked him everywhere but in your thoughts and until you can do that you're still giving it energy.

Leave it in the past where it belongs, try to stop going over every little action, CBT might be helpful for these thought patterns.

Much of this is also typical, along with what you said in subsequent posts.
Collecting you from nights out is 100% control. Designed to ensure you didn't stay too late or have too much fun. No compliments but constantly saying nice things about others (ie not a person who just doesn't notice but I've refusing to acknowledge YOU). Criticising exes. Wanting to spend more and more time in your home. Not being so nice to your children. These are all very typical red flags. It would be interesting to get a Clare's Law report. But I'm not sure if you can get one now unless you are in the category of considering an intimate relationship with him.

I never managed to block emails. It depends which service you use. The best I could do was have it diverted (can't remember if it was to a special folder or just the general junk folder).

Just grey rock. And once there's been NC for 30 days it gets much easier. I am echoing advice of others here because I didn't go grey rock or NC but allowed (more accurately was forced to accept, I really had little choice and I was being alternately threatened, blackmailed, and hoovered/lovebombed) the abuse and control to ho on for another 6 hellish months, although at least my children were not in his sights.

You need to stop thinking of yourself as 'vulnerable' immediately. You are no such thing - you have told an abusive man to sling his hook. You won't get anywhere by thinking you are weak and helpless. There will be many women reading this thread in awe at your courage. Women who don't yet have the strength to tell their own abusive men to get out. You are, in fact, courageous, strong and a bloody good mother to get your DC out of this situation.

Now, about Christmas. Christmas is what you make it. OK, you might feel lonely now. How much worse would it feel if you were still with him? Consider this year's Christmas as for the DC only. Think of it as something just for kids.

Believe me, he'll try every trick in the book to get you back. You MUST stay resolute. HE has caused this situation. Him. Not you. Don't get sucked in by festive romance. You are not that woman who gets taken in by presents and promises, are you? They never change. Oh yes, they promise they will but they never do.

Give yourself the best gift you could ever hope to receive this Christmas - the gift of a brand new, abuse-free life.

All sounds so exhausting. Why would you put up with that when you could be with someone who was fun and brings joy into your life? Who doesn't see looking after you when you need it as a big imposition? Who doesn't need validation from internet strangers? Who wants you to be happy?

Such lovely positive message to keep me on track.It feels awful when writing things down as these behaviours were not immediate but gradually crept up on me.I actually couldnt believe he genuinely thought I would be unfaithful.I have been destroyed for years due to infidelity and while I always had strong opinions on cheating, I absolutley abhor it, the people who do it and those who are in any way complicit, in the deceipt of it. Getting bossy, ordering me around, telling me not to do this and that, advising me strongly on my parenting, buying me parenting books!!!! The cheek of a man who has no relationship with his own kids and speaks so horribly about their Mothers! Making snide remarks and smirking at me.What a prick! I know on mn, people advise to LTB and even when we do, it can take months to deal with the emotions surrounding the break, the new single and sometimes lonely life, the embarrassment of being made a fool, the shame. I know logically that he's a bad'un but it will take me some time to process this and build myself up again.

Yes, of course it takes time. You've an awful lot to process and recover from. You'll do it though. It probably doesn't feel like that right now but I promise you that it gets better.

The daft thing is, if I was your friend and was telling a similar story, you wouldn't hesitate to make damn sure I got out and stayed out, would you? Taking our own advice is bloody hard!

Do you still have those parenting books? If so, why not burn them around midnight on NYE and raise a glass to future happiness (which will come!).