How to get DD to stop crying when I go upstairs ??

[binbagliner]

DD is almost 3 and I can't even go upstairs in my own house, when she's downstairs ! It's really difficult to get anything done. And I mean go upstairs, even when her dad is home or anyone else is home. She just loses it and starts crying.

Is that normal ?? We try to distract her, get her involved in play / reassure her that I'll be back soon etc, but she gets so upset. Sometimes I take her with me upstairs, but it's just not practical when I need to tidy up / have a shower etc. it's been like this for ages and I'm sick of not being able to go upstairs in my own house without a huge drama.

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Hi OP, I think what the previous poster was trying to say is that you may get more responses in the Parenting section as AIBU often moves fast and your thread may fall off the board. You can report your own thread and ask MN to move it for you!

I had this to a lesser degree with DS1 when he was the same age - I think when he was younger he couldn't conceive that I wouldn't come back, and suddenly he got old enough to be scared of a scenario he could imagine that I wouldn't come back. I just had to leave him over and over for short periods and left him crying, and then reassured him by reappearing again so he got the message that I would come back. I also didn't make a big fuss of him when I did reappear because I didn't want him to think that his crying had resulted in big mummy cuddles and attention when I returned. Eventually he realised it wasn't a massive disaster when I was out of his sight. I'm sure it's a phase they all go through when they twig that Mummy might not come back one day (development of imagination maybe?)

It's so hard though! You have to persevere, good luck!

Does she go to preschool or nursery? Has she been left with family or friends, even for a little while? How is she when she goes to bed?

This will only get better the more she is exposed to it.
Do you go out without her much?
Play hide and seek.
Explain if mummy goes upstairs she will always come back.

My son does say "mummy you left me alone". Or if I go and get something for him and he's in bed, when I come back in his room he will say "mummy I waited here for you all by myself". It does seem like it's a big deal. He hates it if me DH and our other son is in the family room and he is in the kitchen watching cartoons. "Don't leave me on my own!"
He used to hate is going out just me and DH but the more we do it, the note understanding he has.

read story books where a toy gets lost and found again
play hide and seek
tell her - i'm going for 1 min and then I'll be back. go upstairs (let her cry) and come back on the dot of 1 min. repeat and extend to 2 mins / 5 mins etc.

don't make a fuss when she cries

What parietal said. Saves me typing it out

I understand that you want to go upstairs alone. But im wondering why she cries rather than just following you? Mines the same age and simply follows me if she wants to be with me (which is always).

Just take her with you,sounds normal in my family.