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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fuming

13 replies

midnight90 · 20/12/2022 11:04

AIBU to be fuming or am I just being a prude.

So last week my husband and I had my mum and dad round for a pre Christmas dinner, it was a takeaway curry as we have a 7month old and my mum suggested a takeaway to save me cooking ect. I have been doing this for a few years now and we have a few drinks and play silly games. This time we got a Beat the buzz wire game for a laugh after a few drinks to see who get round without it buzzing you get the jist.

So when we were playing I glanced over at my husband who had a smirk on his face and was on his phone, three guessing on who he was messaging. His friend from work. After they had left I asked him who he was messaging and low and behold it was her. Apparently he had sent her a message of the game and HELP ME!! written under it. This isn’t the first time he has ‘bitched’ about my family to her.

He also is inappropriate towards me but every time I say something he laughs it off as no big deal. Take this morning for example we was just waking up he asked if I wanted a brew I said no at first and he leans on me and asks why as I always want him to make me a brew (I don’t always) and then farts really loud, I asked why he has done that he just laughed it off. He touches me all the time when I’m getting dressed in the mornings/evenings so I have to rush to do it so he doesn’t catch me. Does anyone else have this issue? I bring it up but because we are married he thinks its ok. I tell him all the time it’s not ok and once again he laughs it off thinking I’m joking.
Another time he asks things like do you want the heating on and because I’m sick of him asking things all the time I answered it’s up to you, then it was do you want me to take it off timer my response it’s up to you. He went off on one saying to give him an answer, I shouted back just fucking make a decision yourself. It’s not just that he asks what have I got for my dinner like I’m a fucking skivvy.

Sorry for the rant I just needed to get it off my chest.

OP posts:
Macaroni1924 · 20/12/2022 11:10

Nah wouldn’t be having him txting another woman like that when he is supposed to be participating and entertaining guests. Friend or not sharing jokes about your wife’s family to another woman just seems really inappropriate, I’d be pissed if he sent it to a male friend to Tbf.
I think he sounds very childish. This is the problem you get married it’s all fun, then when you start having children you realise that they don’t grow up as fast. The immature shitty behaviour that was once funny now becomes incredibly annoying. He’s probably not changed but you have.

Original poster
midnight90 · 20/12/2022 11:13

Yeah I agree, I've had to grow up to look after the baby. I still do have fun as the game we had was for a laugh so i'm up for it, but there is a limit to what's funny and what isn't. I've met the friend three times we have been invited to her wedding next year so i know nothing will happen, but it pissed me off that he can bitch and moan to people about it.

OP posts:
whattodo1975 · 20/12/2022 11:21

The texting the other woman stuff is obviously not great.

The other stuff is you being a bit dramatic.

Macaroni1924 · 20/12/2022 11:26

It does get better but I definitely found my DH took a lot longer to mature and realise how much work was involved in running a house and raising a child.
I think regardless of a male or female it’s just rude and hurtful for him to bitch about your family. How would he feel if you did the same to him? Maybe need to have a sit down and explain how you are feeling about everything in as nice a way as possible. I’ve had stages when the behaviour has been quite off putting because I finally felt grown up and he was still acting the clown. I really had to remember that these were the reasons we fell in love because he made me laugh. Along the way though he has definitely matured though thank god! For my DH him being so silly and fun are part of what makes him such a great dad. I try to see his negatives as a positive. eg Laid back - quite messy and no initiative around the house, needs prompting but then this also means he takes things in his stride, calms me down and is great in difficult situations as he doesn’t flap!

RedHelenB · 20/12/2022 11:26

He's not your clone. He's entitled to have his own views on game playing. Likewise your body is yours and if you don't want him touching it, make it clear and you're totally in the right to expect him to stop.

Original poster
midnight90 · 20/12/2022 11:34

Macaroni1924 · 20/12/2022 11:26

It does get better but I definitely found my DH took a lot longer to mature and realise how much work was involved in running a house and raising a child.
I think regardless of a male or female it’s just rude and hurtful for him to bitch about your family. How would he feel if you did the same to him? Maybe need to have a sit down and explain how you are feeling about everything in as nice a way as possible. I’ve had stages when the behaviour has been quite off putting because I finally felt grown up and he was still acting the clown. I really had to remember that these were the reasons we fell in love because he made me laugh. Along the way though he has definitely matured though thank god! For my DH him being so silly and fun are part of what makes him such a great dad. I try to see his negatives as a positive. eg Laid back - quite messy and no initiative around the house, needs prompting but then this also means he takes things in his stride, calms me down and is great in difficult situations as he doesn’t flap!

Yeah he sounds the same with the laid back approach and is messy ect and I do feel that the funny side is why we fell in love as we do have a laugh sometimes he takes it to far. Thanks for the advice

OP posts:
Original poster
midnight90 · 20/12/2022 11:35

RedHelenB · 20/12/2022 11:26

He's not your clone. He's entitled to have his own views on game playing. Likewise your body is yours and if you don't want him touching it, make it clear and you're totally in the right to expect him to stop.

I don't understand what you mean by my clone?

OP posts:
Ocrumbs · 20/12/2022 11:37

If you have asked him not to touch you he shouldn't be touching you.

SlouchingTowardsBethlehemAgain · 20/12/2022 11:40

This man regularly sexually assaults you, some posters think that is OK.

Jimboscott0115 · 20/12/2022 12:20

The texting another woman bitching about your family game is not on and quite frankly is a dick move on his part.

The touching you inappropriately is pretty wrong as well. Don't get me wrong, it differs from myself and my partner who regularly have a little squeeze here and there when the other one's getting dressed etc but that's entirely consensual in the context of our relationship, but if she said she wasn't comfortable then I'd stop because let's be honest - it's actually bordering on sexual assault. You're not a prude for wanting to protect your own body and not be touched when you don't want to be.

The rest sounds like a maturity issue - I mean who blazenly farts in front of their partner like that? I want them to find me sexually attractive and I'm pretty sure that'd ruin that if it was done in the manner you've described!

RedHelenB · 20/12/2022 13:50

midnight90 · 20/12/2022 11:35

I don't understand what you mean by my clone?

Show quote history

As in he doesn't have to feel the same way you do about playing games. He's every right nit to like it.

Stressedmum2017 · 20/12/2022 14:18

I think him asking you about the heating is common courtesy, like it affects how you feel so yeah you should both have a say in that so I can see how you not answering him would be annoying.
The rest of it though he just doesnt have any respect for you. Bitching about your family time to another woman is just mugging you off.

Original poster
midnight90 · 20/12/2022 14:27

Stressedmum2017 · 20/12/2022 14:18

I think him asking you about the heating is common courtesy, like it affects how you feel so yeah you should both have a say in that so I can see how you not answering him would be annoying.
The rest of it though he just doesnt have any respect for you. Bitching about your family time to another woman is just mugging you off.

It's not just about the heating though he can't think for himself
Can I have this biscuit
Can I have a cup of tea
Ect
Id rather him just do it or just say he is doing it. It's like he needs my permission to do something then goes off on one when I don't answer the silly little things

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