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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Girl friend has been seeing someone else

23 replies

narkyspirit · 20/12/2022 08:32

we have been living together now for just over a year, yesterday i discover she has been seeing a guy from where she works for quite sometime. big argument obviously when she came home from work. I had already packed her stuff up and told her to leave. her family live about 3 hours away, I had booked her a travel lodge for 2 nights so she had somewhere to go.

we had a similar issue when we first got together but worked through it.
Its my house and she hasn't been contributing to anything other than food.

Her father has been calling and shouting saying i am being unreasonable!!

AIBU?

we won't be getting back together by the way.

OP posts:
Thingsdogetbetter · 20/12/2022 08:51

Obviously her father is getting her side of the story - probably thar she has no idea why you sudden threw her out on the streets. If you feel like it get a quick 'she cheated AGAIN' in between her dad's rants then hang up. Or simply block his number.

Personally I think you handled very maturely as you made sure she had somewhere to go.

The fact she was only paying for food, not bills forca whole year was weird. How did that come about?

SirDavidAttenborough · 20/12/2022 08:53

Nope. Best Christmas present to yourself - a fresh start without a cheat.

BCBird · 20/12/2022 08:55

How awful.for you. Infidelity is a definite no no. Think about having an STI test. Do what you need to do to keep yourself emotionally well. When the time is right look again.

gamerchick · 20/12/2022 08:58

You've been nice about it. What's he whinging for? Obviously been fed a fairy story.

Just get that STD test.

CharlotteSometimes1 · 20/12/2022 09:00

Nobody decides your boundaries other than you. Try to distract yourself, you’ve done the right thing for you, it might hurt but when you look back you’ll be proud of yourself. I hope you have a great Christmas, I’d do something comforting in the meantime.

Getamoveon36 · 20/12/2022 09:23

Quite reasonable to book a travelodge for her tbh. Sounds like you are giving yourself the best possible Christmas present x

Original poster
narkyspirit · 20/12/2022 14:38

I have messaged her father and told him she was cheating and I won't be having anything further to do with her.

Locks have been changed this morning and her number has been blocked so she can't get in contact.

I have a pal house sitting from tomorrow just in case and I have managed to book an apartment in France so will be skiing for Christmas, driving there tomorrow

OP posts:
way2serious · 20/12/2022 14:41

Well done. You seem to have all angles covered and be dealing with the betrayal really well. Just be prepared that the loss may hit you at some point.

neverknowinglyunreasonable · 20/12/2022 14:48

What if she trashes the hotel room? Are you liable?

RealBecca · 20/12/2022 14:54

So were you happy enough with her just paying for food before she was cheating? But now shes cheated she has to leave immediately?

RegularNameChangerVersion21 · 20/12/2022 14:59

RealBecca · 20/12/2022 14:54

So were you happy enough with her just paying for food before she was cheating? But now shes cheated she has to leave immediately?

How would this be unreasonable? When OP thought they were in a happy relationship and building a life together she was willing to support her partner financially. Now she's found out her partner was cheating the relationship is over and obviously so is the financial support. OP has been reasonable in ensuring the partner isn't on the streets immediately she owes her nothing more.

EmilyGilmoresSass · 20/12/2022 15:00

RealBecca · 20/12/2022 14:54

So were you happy enough with her just paying for food before she was cheating? But now shes cheated she has to leave immediately?

Of course she bloody does! Why should he keep the female equivalent of a cocklodger. I wouldn't even have shown her the grace of booking a hotel!

SleeplessInEngland · 20/12/2022 15:00

RealBecca · 20/12/2022 14:54

So were you happy enough with her just paying for food before she was cheating? But now shes cheated she has to leave immediately?

You're really reaching here.

neverknowinglyunreasonable · 20/12/2022 15:01

RealBecca · 20/12/2022 14:54

So were you happy enough with her just paying for food before she was cheating? But now shes cheated she has to leave immediately?

Looks like the cheating girlfriend has found this thread......

EternalSunshine19 · 20/12/2022 15:06

You sound lovely. I certainly wouldn't have booked her a travel lodge for 2 nights, you're a better person than me.
i hope you enjoy your ski holiday and find someone who treats you the way you deserve to be treated in the future

Season0fTheWitch · 20/12/2022 15:42

You poor thing. You're not unreasonable, you were more than kind to sort out the hotel for her. Have you got real life support?

July70 · 20/12/2022 15:45

How would the father feel if his wife was doing what his daughter was.
Just let go and look elsewhere and don't take her back.

Th old saying, once a cheat always a cheat is not quite true, but caught twice, I'll leave it to you,

RealBecca · 25/12/2022 21:43

I'm just saying cheating isnt the only bad thing a person can do in a relationship and that it suited OP to let her live rent free in their house knowing that kicking her out would always be an option and that suited them but had this been a rental or coowned it wouldnt have been an option.

Plenty of people fuck up relationships abysmally in other ways and wouldnt be told they should be on the streets at their partners will.

America12 · 25/12/2022 21:57

Do you have proof?

AllOfThemWitches · 25/12/2022 22:33

What a robotic response.

Keepingthingsinteresting · 25/12/2022 22:52

RealBecca · 25/12/2022 21:43

I'm just saying cheating isnt the only bad thing a person can do in a relationship and that it suited OP to let her live rent free in their house knowing that kicking her out would always be an option and that suited them but had this been a rental or coowned it wouldnt have been an option.

Plenty of people fuck up relationships abysmally in other ways and wouldnt be told they should be on the streets at their partners will.

Not sure what your point is…are you saying the OP shouldn’t have kicked out their cheating, freeloading partner?

Miss03852 · 25/12/2022 22:55

Keepingthingsinteresting · 25/12/2022 22:52

Not sure what your point is…are you saying the OP shouldn’t have kicked out their cheating, freeloading partner?

Show quote history

Freeloader?! He had a mortgage, if she contributed to his mortgage she could have a claim to part of the home. Stop being so bitter.

YANBU though to end the relationship OP.

RealBecca · 25/12/2022 23:17

I'm saying they shouldn't have allowed a power imbalance like that to exist in the first place.

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