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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Should they tell me when a gift has arrived safely

21 replies

Anotherbloomingchristmas · 20/12/2022 06:54

I have a nephew in the US.
Last Christmas I arranged an amazon delivery for his dd.
I messaged him and his dw to let me know it had been received.
I heard nothing.

I sent a birthday gift via amazon, heard nothing.

3 weeks ago I had a Christmas gift delivered and again no acknowledgement.

I'm so fed up of not knowing if a dc I've never met is actually getting a gift.
The gifts have all been chosen as age appropriate and something the dc would enjoy.

To complicate matters I am lc with my dn's parents and they visited dn for the first time last Christmas since covid so I wonder if there's been an unfavourable conversation. The other auntie is always acknowledged.

So I think this is the last time I bother arranging a gift for anyone who doesn't let me know that they received it. A yes it's here on messenger would be all I need.

AIBU to want to know that the gift is safely delivered.

OP posts:

KangarooKenny · 20/12/2022 06:55

Just stop sending stuff. It’s rude to not say thank you.

Shemovesshemoves21 · 20/12/2022 06:57

I sometimes forget to let people know when gifts arrive, but always thank them for the gift once its opened. Have they messaged to say thank you or is it radio silence? If the latter, I wouldn't be wasting any more time or money of gifts!

YoBeaches · 20/12/2022 06:58

Yes they should let you know and say Thankyou. I would stop sending them stuff.

CeeceeBloomingdale · 20/12/2022 06:58

If it’s a Christmas gift I’d would wait until Christmas to open it and then thank the sender, I’d wait until after Christmas before getting upset about it. If they don’t contact you after Christmas then I’d stop sending gifts.

Bogeyes · 20/12/2022 06:59

Stop sending stuff

Fairyliz · 20/12/2022 06:59

I would save my money. It does sound odd sending a present to a child you have never met; especially as it is a great niece so quite far removed.

DarkForces · 20/12/2022 07:09

Can't you get it tracked?

LolaSmiles · 20/12/2022 07:14

They're rude for not acknowledging the gift.

But you're low contact with your nephew and his partner so I'd expect the other auntie to be favoured if she's someone who they are in regular contact with.

Just stop sending gifts and keep low contact

Clymene · 20/12/2022 07:14

Don't waste your money on people too rude to acknowledge you.

curiouslycinnamon · 20/12/2022 07:16

YANBU but I would just stop sending gifts. Maybe they don't want them or find it surprising that you are sending them if you are low contact, maybe it's a bit over the top?

I would just stop and let them make a move next if they want to put effort into having a relationship.

girlmom21 · 20/12/2022 07:16

Are you trying to force contact with them?

Either send the gift for the child and don't expect communication with the parents or stop sending gifts.

Weewillywinki · 20/12/2022 07:16

If your sentiment is that you want dn to receive something from you (that you want them to know that you care about them), then keep going.

the broader context sounds emotionally complicated, and it might be that the parents are exhausted by it all and the failure to acknowledge is a part of not knowing what to say or do (so they intend to thank you and don’t quite get round to it).

Pictograph · 20/12/2022 07:19

I wouldn't specifically expect to hear when the gift had arrived (can't you use the tracking info to check?). But I would expect some kind of thank you from the child (card or text or whatever).

Original poster

Anotherbloomingchristmas · 20/12/2022 07:20

Fairyliz · 20/12/2022 06:59

I would save my money. It does sound odd sending a present to a child you have never met; especially as it is a great niece so quite far removed.

Yes, probably is, I send their cousins a gift so was being fair.

OP posts:

Lulualoo · 20/12/2022 07:22

It’s very rude of them not not say thank you. I’d stop.

Original poster

Anotherbloomingchristmas · 20/12/2022 07:22

Pictograph · 20/12/2022 07:19

I wouldn't specifically expect to hear when the gift had arrived (can't you use the tracking info to check?). But I would expect some kind of thank you from the child (card or text or whatever).

The tracking shows the gift on a doormat, I assume they've received it on that basis but I wouldn't know if it was stolen.

OP posts:

Original poster

Anotherbloomingchristmas · 20/12/2022 07:23

girlmom21 · 20/12/2022 07:16

Are you trying to force contact with them?

Either send the gift for the child and don't expect communication with the parents or stop sending gifts.

I've never fallen out with my dn, his df has been very rude to me.

OP posts:

Original poster

Anotherbloomingchristmas · 20/12/2022 07:25

LolaSmiles · 20/12/2022 07:14

They're rude for not acknowledging the gift.

But you're low contact with your nephew and his partner so I'd expect the other auntie to be favoured if she's someone who they are in regular contact with.

Just stop sending gifts and keep low contact

I'm low contact with my dn's parents.

OP posts:

Plump82 · 20/12/2022 07:26

After too many similar occasions with my nieces we decided to stop sending gifts to them. It's more my husband's sister we have the issue with as the nieces are too young to be able to get in contact but a quick thank you text or just to let you know we've received your gift doesn't take long and imo its just plain bad manners not to acknowledge it in some way. So the gifts have stopped.

Original poster

Anotherbloomingchristmas · 20/12/2022 07:33

@Plump82

It's rude imo.
I think I will stop though too.
I have another dn who has moved house last year and not given me his new address so I'm not bothering with him now.

OP posts:

Justmuddlingalong · 20/12/2022 07:48

It's thoughtless and rude. A quick text is all that's needed, so if that's too much bother, they can't complain if you stop bothering buying and sending a gift.

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