School mums have distanced

[Countrylifemama]

There’s a mum who’s son joined last year she knew of us through distant mutual friends when first started she whatsapped messaged etc suggested breakfast - year on she seems to have really distanced herself. I’ve suggested this and even called them round for a play date but offer never returned. Our kids are friendly to each other but aren’t good friends

just feel like we were used in the beginning and they’ve found better options and we are no use to them anymore so they don’t interact

I know they’ve become very friendly with a few other mums and some of those other mums don’t really chat anymore to me either (we’d occasionally go for dinner they’d invite me too) But nothing of the sort heard anymore have I been secretly excluded without knowing?

What happened the last time you invited them to something?

(The other Mums - not the new Mum)

Re new Mom, I think it's natural really. She reached out cos she knew you vaguely, tried to form a friendship but clearly it didn't click either side and she's made new friends.

Not sure about the other friends, , unclear what you've invited them to they've turned down or if it's always been them making the effort and they've stopped?

I read on here a few years back that "mum friends" are fleeting and once your DCs have left primary then you'll probably lose touch with them anyway. Of course there may be one or two exceptions but... It's so true!!! All you have in common is children the same age, after all. It is extremely hurtful at the time (I got frozen out when I got divorced; everyone else was in a couple) but it will hurt less and less.

I was talking today with a friend about a mum friend she had who at first was all shits and giggles, but promptly ditched her when she found better / cooler / wealthier parents in the school community to hang out with. She now only hears from her when she needs childcare. Totally shameless! Some people are twats and unfortunately don't stop being twats just because they've become parents xx

I think it's like the start of anything - college, university, new job, new neighbourhood and of course mum friends. You befriend the friendly one - in your case, you had mutual friends but now she has found her own people now.

I don't think it's a reflection on you, maybe they have more in common etc. She could have been a bit more subtle and classy about it. I tell my children, just because you are best friends with someone new, don't forget who you were best friends last month.

Don't dwell on it - keep it civil and move on.

Good luck IP

I suppose you just didn't click. Don't worry there's other friends out there.