To ask for advice about how to increase energy by - and to actually do - Christmas.

[Flowerandmpower]

I feel as if I should put this on health board , but this one is busier and more likely to be seen .. !

Have had an intense year . Cant say too much .. may be outing .

I find myself utterly exhausted . ..have thyroid issues but managed .

Our daughter and partner have needed much support in relation to a life limiting illness in the partners family .
They , as well as our also adult son , who works in a demanding job, are all looking forward to
coming home at Christmas .

we are quite low key , thats fine.

I have been struggling with energy levels for some time and feel like I've given what I can but just right now I am so tired.

I sleep well( too well .. like ten hours !)
eat well
only work part time
I've started drinking to relax at night.. this seems to affect energy . Not loads , 2 glasses.
My bloods are fine.

Anyway , today I find out that -

Our dd , has booked the whole of c mas off work as as her partner .. and they rang to say how pleased they were and they are staying with us until new year. We thought they were staying a few days not 9 .

In addition , dd said her partners mum would like p stay a couple of nights.. they have talked to her about it ..As has respite care arranged !and it out , she wd love to join us and see her son . I want to be supportive , but she has been invited by dd and I don't know her that well .. but it so inclusive / kind of dd. ( we and the partners mother live near ish each other , dd and partner come to this area for c mas .. dd lives a 6 hour drive away so i can see that they think this arrangement is logical )

our ds .. we only see rarely .. we really wanted some quiet time with him. ( he says he understands when family expand , but wanted to chill with us , but what can we do ??) We feel

1. dd has assumed she and partner can stay for 9 days ( it is her home after all)
2. she has been kind to include her partners mum in the circumstances..
3. would feel mean if i said no …and so just pretended i am happy about it all.( which I would be if i wasn't so tired )
4. given the situation , aibu to dread it ? How can i give , be sociable and a generous host when my own reserves feel so so low ?

I feel more exhausted at the thought of this. But don't want the invited person to realise.. ( i dontbwant to say how tired I feel at this point when its a done deal and I simply couldn't find the words to say no dd you cant stay that long I am tired … and want to be kind .
I know the answer must be to try and look after myself as much as i can while they are all here( long baths , early night, a quick walk? ) but i also know that they will want usual Christmas things like
games nights , buffets , film nights.I think its because it will be 9 nights that feel mentally overloaded.

I anticipate that I will be told to look after myself .. it feels like tired people will be coming to is to be looked after though! I think I will need to say am run down and lets all muck in ?
pearls of wisdom please. ( no i cannot cancel )

Why dont you suggest instead DD and partner stay a few nights with his mum…then you get time with your son and they see his mum..

Time for an honest chat with your dc

They need to help and support and it’ll be. quiet Christmas

if they don’t want to do that then they just come for Xmas day.

Thanks. The lady that wants to come is an exhausted carer..I sort of felt that I had tonsuck my own tiredness up ./ it seems less valid .

9 days is too long for a stranger to stay and it's a bit rude of DD and her DP to think that this is a suitable arrangement.

Due to the distance I would say she could stay 3-4 nights, but it's a huge imposition to be expected to host her for well over a week.

Any ideas re
how to build energy ( in next couple of days- juice, exercise ?.. anything!)
how to protect energy when they are all here..

Rookie . The lady wants to come for 3 days . Dd , partner and ds , 9 .

Ah sorry I understand.
Ok Berocca tablets and extra magnesium good for energy boost.
As DD and DP and DS there for extended period, then rotate turns to provide meals. Take time out when you need it. Try to enjoy the time with people.

Has the GP given any thoughts on why you are so tired OP? I would try a vitamin D spray, high strength b12 and iron supplements in the meantime given you've had bloods already taken and it won't skew the results. You could be on the lower end of normal results. But keep pushing for answers, it's not normal to feel overwhelming tiredness all the time.

You definitely need to pace yourself. And you need to be honest that you are doing that, and why.
healthy food, chicken soup and lots of veg. Limit alcohol. Lots of water.

Thank you all .I do appreciate it … tests at hospital at present. Cant really say much on here about it .
i didn't know magnesium helped energy!
..have to be careful with vits as they cant interfere with thyroxine for thyroid stuff .. but if I separate the meds from the vits by a few hours it shd be fine.
Will also attempt to drink water !!

Sleep and set manageable goals for each day. If something isn't manageable and could be considered unnecessary write it off.

Tell your daughter you'll need the three of them to help you.

I think I will have a late afternoon rest each day by myself . I find company very tiring .. so that may help. Also , to say no If I don't want to go on some outings.

Feel a little better mentally for being able to share this .

Poor you

there is no quick fix for low energy, other than letting go of control a bit (hard, but necessary, let it go… They want games night? They can organise it. Movie night? Same. Buffet evening? They can do that, how wonderful

they are adults, their mum (you) is tired and not ok, they will have to step it up.

if they are nice kids, they sound like they are, they’ll happily look after you rather than you after them

my adult kids always think I am a rock and superhuman… until I tell them I am actually not ok and not well, then they become very caring

but you have to tell them how you are not ok and not well, and happy to have them, but they have to host themselves

good luck

Can you do one night takeaway, one night out at a local easy restaurant?

Be specific in asking them to contribute - 'you do Tuesday' or 'you do the carrots and Bob can do the potatoes' or 'could you hoover round the ground floor this morning'.

For me, a solo walk or a solo coffee out or a solo hide-with-a-book would help my energy and tolerance levels.

Also, eyes on the 'prize' of calmness when they have gone and you'll be able to look back on the time you spent together.

Don’t drink any alcohol

buy pre prepared everything possible

allocate cleaning and cooking tasks to everyone

dont Be fussed about things getting untidy. It’s not for that long and you’ll have ages to clean up after

just relax and enjoy it

your dds partners mother will be exhausted too so you can sit and stare out the window with a cup of tea togehtrr

I know you want ideas on how to boost energy and I would probably add a bit of fresh air short walk to others advice.
However I would definitely let my family know that I was struggling energy and health wise and could they reduce the stay time.

I don't think there is anything wrong with that as we should all be more honest about what we can cope with. Guests can be so tiring even lovely guests who help. You still feel you need to host.

Perhaps your DD and partner would also take his mum out for some walks or outings so you can have a rest.

Delegate! Tell your daughter to bring stuff and when she gets here make sure her and her partner step up. They might think twice about overstepping your hospitality next time.

I think I’d be telling them that it’s an everyone pitches in kind of a Christmas. I’m sure if you do that, DDs MIL will roll up her sleeves, and you can nudge your own kids, or set them specific jobs to do.

Get yourself some really good multivitamins too.

if it was me, I'd definitely need to book in time just for myself for every day (without necessarily telling anyone this). And I'd need to figure out other little ways I had control over the situation, as otherwise I'd feel overwhelmed. I might even 'map out' the nine days, if only for myself, with a pen and paper. And doing that might help in communicating with the others via specific things I might ask of them - e.g. I'm going into town on such a day to get my hair done, will you guys sort the buffet for that evening? I would basically need to be a secret control freak and know time out by myself is never too far off to stay sane.

I probably would have a drink in the evening 😀

Maybe in the meantime find some way to let your dd know you're tired and looking forward to chilling out this Christmas - just in a casual, by the way kind of way.

If you've trouble sleeping, the odd Nytol helps set my sleep back on track.

a good brisk walk every day helps me sleep too

that's all I've got! Good luck

I meant to say, you sound lovely op

If you want energy you’ve got to protect your energy and not let other people take advantage.

It’s not kind at all to invite someone to stay at someone else’s house! You don’t need to say yes to things like that. You’d be better having a chat with your DD explaining that it’s your house and she has to ask you before inviting people over or extending her stay.

I appreciate you feel it’s too late this time, but don’t underestimate how having no boundaries can lead to feeling physically exhausted to your bones.

Recommend this book, written by someone who recovered from CFS, for future reference:

www.amazon.co.uk/Decode-Your-Fatigue-Clinically-Transform/dp/B09HSV5G7X/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?crid=2L0D3CWB6QJAH&keywords=alex+howard+decode+your+fatigue&qid=1671562672&sprefix=alex+howa%2Caps%2C214&sr=8-1