MIL and favouritism towards my BIL

[bloodbubblingover]

I couldn't sleep last night because my MH was knocked slightly off its axis again by my MIL. She is the only person in my life that gets so under my skin.

Since the day I met my MiL, decades ago, she has been an utter cow to me, and her DH, FIL, and her DD, SIL feel encouraged to follow suit. My MIL is a bully.

My SIL used to be married, and I had to put up with a similar situation then. MIL adored exH, he was amazing, like a son, had such a good job etc. etc. Then he cheated and dumped SIL. Now my SIL has got married again and you would think this guy shits gold nugget. He can do no wrong. Both eH and new DH are treated way better than they treat their own son.

I am sitting here absolutely enraged. I don't know if this is a jealous rage and if it is, that is actually quite childish. I am in my 50's. I just feel like such a mug. It is muggings me that has been roped into hosting them for Christmas as once again, perfect BIL and SIL are not offering. I didn't actually invite them, they guilt-tripped DH.

It absolutely sickens me that I have to sit here and listen to them swooning over him, and my SIL when I have never had a kind word once from any of them.

How do I deal with these feelings of rage?

How does your husband feel about all this?

You deal by not doing Christmas for them! I mean you're right to be angry, but your anger won't change anything. Why bother stuffing it down and having it affect your mental health and being the mug. Free yourself!

I think a nicely timed bout of suspected Covid to leave them all flapping on Christmas Eve is in order

Seconded 😁

100%!!

I was going to post this myself. And your DH needs to be totally on board with this too. It sounds a horrible toxic family. Can't you move far far away?

Why does your dh continue to spend time with his family, and expect you to, when they are all bullies?

Yes to the COVID thing! Or a stomach bug etc. wait til Xmas eve, send a text confirming they can’t come and then turn your phones off. Bliss!

Make this the last Christmas you host. Stop bending over backwards to please people who bully you and your DH.

I don't think you can fully get rid of these feeling whilst you and your DH continue to prolonged periods of time with her/them. Why are you doing that to yourselves? FOG (fear, obligation, guilt).

There is still time to get out of hosting this year. That may be more drama than it is worth though, so I would try and make the hosting part of the day shorter (assuming that they aren't staying over?). Just vow to make this the last. I discuss boundaries and make plans in response to likely scenarios with your DH - even if you do end up hosting this year, it will feel better if you take some of your power back.

Flatly refusing to host would work. And for the rage, HRT works wonders.

Play Shitty MIL Bingo through the day and reward yourself with a drink every time you mark their card. By lunchtime you’ll be so pissed you won’t care.
Oh and don’t let DH get off Scot free, you let him know now that he’s equally as well as you are of hosting and he’s to help you with it.

Or call them out on it, any negative comments to you from them..you shut them down.
And next year get yourselves booked in for a holiday somewhere.

Don’t allow yourself to be roped into doing things with them!

I detest my now ex-mil. I refused to be around her, if my ex had to pop in when we were out I’d stay in the car, roll the windows up, plug some headphones in and pretend not to hear her when she’d try and open the door. She wasn’t allowed in my house and she spent Christmas on her own 🤷🏽‍♀️

you are in control of who you spend time with

You both get a grip and cancel, then be prepared to go nc as a result of the fallout? I don't think you will do this so by all means rant away, it might make you feel better till you get roped in again. Nothing will change if you let the cycle continue. It's up to your dh if he wants to continue a relationship with them or not but you can make your own choice. If they affect your mh in such a way they need to be cut out. Best of luck op.