Please help me get through the holidays! DS doesn't cope without routine.

[dinoprincesses]

DS (just turned 4) is normally in nursery full time (8.30 am - 2.30pm 5 days a week) he loves it and thrives with the routine. I've posted about issues with behaviour that we've had before. He only ever shows the challenging behaviour at home, he's really well behaved at nursery all the time.

He is under paediatrics, pre school forum etc and receives extra funding for nursery due to a severe speech delay. We have to really fight to get support for behavioural issues because obviously they are only witnessed by us or extended family, never by nursery.

So my issue at the moment is that as soon as a school holiday comes around it completely disturbs his routine and things become awful. This morning I've already been hit 6 times, kicked, he's thrown his cup of water all over the floor, pulled everything off the kitchen top and smacked his sibling. All this because he has been told no to things. For more context one of the times he hit me was because I told him it wasn't time to get up at 4.30am.

I know this is all because he struggles without his normal daily routine but I'm dreading the next two weeks because I know it will just get worse. I can try and put some sort of routine in but honestly it won't help as it will still be different to what he is used to. Does anybody have any tips of what we can do to make things easier?

Just to add I feel awful writing this post as I don't want it to come across in a totally negative way, I love my DS with all my heart and he can be such a loving, cuddly, funny little boy but he just has struggles with some things.

Second a visual timetable. You can buy them made up and laminated and velcroed on eBay really cheap. If they don't work this holidays don't give up. Use again when he is back in routine. When he is well regulated and settled that's a good time to introduce them. I know not help this holidays but will help in the next. As he is already deregulated he might struggle to learn this time. His behaviour is that he likely can't predict the future that's why he likes routine and without it it's scarry. Does make his expression of this via behaviour any easier for you but sometimes getting why helps. Hugs I see so many parents handle such tricky situations with love and care in my job. In awe of them

Lol, I'm mid 50s and sometimes sleep in my clothes. Since lockdown I mostly live in joggers and T shirts so it seems silly to put PJs on.

Can you get him involved with things like housework / cooking? Helping mummy cook lunch, so today you can ask him to think about what you should both cook tomorrow? Then tomorrow you can remind him what you are going to do that day.

Teach him to use a knife safely - only let him chop things like cucumber or spring onions, not swede that is a pain.

Knife in one hand, right hand if he is right handed with his other hand flat, palm down on the 'back' of the blade.

I'm thinking about cooking because that is my calm down activity.

I've no idea if I'm on the spectrum but I do have several traits.

I found daily visual boards worked well when mine were little (google them and brings up examples). We would have the week with each day in pictures (attached with velcro) of what we were doing that day. We would look the night before and talk through the next day then go through again in the morning.

Like others my autistic/PDA teen always struggled moving into the holidays. He’s always created his own routines (and PDA angle means he doesn’t like imposed routines) so think for him it was the change to holiday mode rather than lack of routine per se.

Do you think it’s just the change in routine or is there any underlying anxiety about Christmas? It can be very overwhelming for some kids - even just the anticipation of it. A social story for each of your holiday activities and especially Christmas Day may also help.

What has helped me most over the years was simply learning to accept that it was ok and “allowed” for us to just do what worked for us/him (as long as no negative impact on others obvs). So if your son wants to not get changed for bed asked yourself “does it really matter?” - if the answer is no then don’t worry about it. Giving myself that permission to do whatever was needed was a big weight off my shoulders and helps me cope.

We find the PANDA approach: www.pdasociety.org.uk/resources/helpful-approaches-infographic/ really valuable. It may not translate to your situation but I particularly go back to it when my child is very upset.

Mine are a lot older but one of mine needed fresh air and exercise every single day. I know the weather is crap but if you can take him to the park/ducks you might find things a bit easier.

This is so us right now, so you have my full sympathy 😩

My son is 3.5 and absolutely thrives off his routine of nursery every morning 5 days a week. Without it we are constantly battling with him. He won’t eat much, his sleep turns terrible, nothing entertains him, no toys, no tv, nothing. He spent yesterday morning pulling me to the front door as if to say ‘Why aren’t we going to nursery?’ Tried in stead to take him on a walk and he screamed at me. Also screamed at me when getting changed as it clearly wasn’t his nursery uniform.

He also doesn’t poo when his routine is off, it’s ever so bizarre but we are heading in to day 4 of no poo. During the last school holidays in October he didn’t poo for 9 days I think.

I am hoping new toys are going to be what we need to get through the final week. It’s annoying because I look forward to Christmas every year but this year because of there being no nursery for him I have been dreading it and now feel like I’m counting down the days. We have so many plans to see family next week and I am so anxious of how he will react to it all.