To be pissed off about loan still not repaid

[ChopSuey2]

Around seven years ago I lent a close family member over £10,000 for several important things. They promised to pay me back when they sold their house. I was happy to help and had no issue waiting a couple of years (the house sale was planned for this time). They sold the house, and then the goalposts shifted. Then they promised to pay me back after they sold their next home. They paid back a third, but now it's waiting for something else so they can pay me back the rest.

I earn more than them and am single. They own their home outright but are the breadwinner for a family. I can't afford to do things to my home (which I have a large mortgage on) without this money. They think I'm rolling in money compared to them, but in reality, we're about equal when you consider they have no mortgage.

Am I unreasonable to give a deadline a couple of months after the next promised date they'll repay and tell them to take out a loan if they can't repay in one go? Without this money, I will need to take out a loan for the work on my house.

YABU. Give a deadline now and make the consequences clear.

Why haven't you made a CLEAR deadline long before now???

Regardless of their or your own circumstances now, if it was indeed clearly a loan, surely there were timelines attached at the time? Was it not drawn up by a solicitor to make clear to both sides what was/wasnt expected???

You were extremely foolish to ever loan them the money in the first place. Tell them you want the money now or you're taking them to court. Even if you do this, I doubt you will ever get this money back.

@MarmiteCoriander No agreement was drawn up by a solicitor. The agreement was when they sold the house. There is an email to that effect. I have no doubt it will be paid back, it's just the timescale... I think they just don't realise how much that money means to me and how lucky they are financially (because of their hard work) so they see no rush

Make your financial position clear. Try to establish a payment schedule direct debit every month till the debt is cleared. There's a saying never lend money to family and friends. I've seen so many relationships sour through this type of thing. We had to write off debt owed to us . We now refuse to give money to that person, who asks regularly. Not easy, but it just has to be done.

Jesus get legal advice ASAP. You only have 6 years from the date of a breach of contract to commence a claim in court, should you need to. If you entered the agreement 7 years ago and the loan was due to be repaid when the house was sold “a couple of years later” that sounds like the loan became repayable but was not repaid (ie there was a breach of contract) about 5 years ago.

I won't be lending again, but I will never take them to court. I know they will eventually pay me back and if they never did, I'd take it back when I die 😂(reduce what I leave to them compared to others).

This person is worth far more than money to me, but I'm nevertheless pissed off by how little understanding they have.

@Zombiemum1946 I think you're probably right about making my financial situation clear. It's one thing saying I need the money to do up my flat compared to saying 'that's X months mortgage/living expenses' or 'I am going to have to take out a loan if you don't pay me back by X date and that will have interest to pay on top'. I know they'd be mortified if they really fully grasped the financial situation. They are just living in their own world where their money difficulties (they should not really be struggling but they are because they are not as comfortable as they were in the past and aren't as good at budgeting)

Yeah, hard conversation but you need to confront them and lay it out crystal clear. They take the piss because you let them.

Just tell them you need the money for planned works and to pay you back by X date.

Not that you should need a reason for them to pay you back, they should have done it anyway.

If they don't have the money they can get a loan, or credit card offer etc. If they start making noises about interest rates, direct them towards Moneysavingexpert.com to find a low interest deal they'll qualify for.

So bloody tell them. Let them feel "mortified". Although you may be unpleasantly surprised - they weren't mortified enough to repay you when surely they had ample funds from their house sale.

Why are you allowing their refusal to budget affect your ability to budget - to the point when YOU are considering paying for a loan, to replace the cash you loaned THEM?!

"Not good at budgeting" is a bullshit excuse btw. If they are capable of very simple arithmetic, they are capable of budgeting - they simply choose not to.

'I am going to have to take out a loan if you don't pay me back by X date and that will have interest to pay on top'.

No!
You think you can say to them, & they will be mortified & instantly arrange to put things right.
What happens when they don't, because they take you at your word instead?
Imagine how that could leave you floundering - all the embarrassment of having to tackle them again, & them pushing back with "but you said you'd just get a loan!"
These people have a very different attitude to debt from you.
They also think you are better off than you are. Put them straight.

Read @BarbaraofSeville's post again.
Then reframe your approach.
"I need to get some building works done, & am not prepared to borrow money to do so, so you need to take out a loan to repay me".

They've already reneged once. It's time to find your anger, & channel it. No need to express that anger to them, just for it to give you enough backbone to be firm & direct.

And don't let them try to bloody negotiate.
They lost that privilege when they let you down the first time.
I suspect this need to pay for your building work is a silver lining, because without it, they would have strung this out forever. So do you - never a truer word but in jest (your graveyard humour joke about taking it off their share in your Will).

You really need to tell them up front. “I really need that money back as a priority. I have to get some major work done on the house and can’t afford it with you repaying the loan. Can you set up a standing order of £200 a month.”