Or will friendships (as we know them) become extinct in the future?

[Beaconofpope]

Just thinking aloud
I am a full time working mum of two. I find it really difficult to find times to meet with friends. In the week I finish at 5/6 and then it's the whole dinner/ reading/ stories/ bed so no real time in the week.
Friday nights are extended family nights for dinner.
Saturday we have kids birthday party's and other boring shit. Day trips but usually arranged on the day.
Saturday nights I am exhausted and asleep by 8pm.
Sunday is just a bit of a catch up and plan for the start of the whole bloody week again.
When do people find time? I have a million people who just constantly rearrange and cancel and struggle to find dates and I am exactly the same! Is this it?
In the old days I guess women needed friends in order to not go crazy. Men used to meet other men at the pub I guess. But now we're all at work every day and connected to each other by technology. Is there a still a need to physically meet up and talk? I feel like the answer is yes but I'm not sure why and how?

Yanbu and it's only really hols and the odd sat night I manage it

You dont mention a partner.

I can go out as much as I like with dh doing the kids jobs

In fact I go out less now they are teens than when they were little.

What does your partner do??

I’ve never really understood the whole ‘catch up and plan for the week’ on Sundays that eveyone on mumsnet seems to do. Sunday is just as much part of the weekend as Saturday to me, I don’t really see what all the catching up/ getting ready for the week entails.

Why can’t you do something social in the week after the kids are in bed? Or why can’t your partner do bedtime without you?

It starts to come back when the DC are a bit older, can make their own way to/from their activities and don't need babysitters.

Until then, keep in touch online as much as you can, or have good long phone calls (use speaker/hands free so you can do this eg whilst cooking) and set aside at least one weekend day (or equivalent) a month to meet friends in person or do something else that's just for you.

It reflects the age of your children. I can promise you that once your children reach an age where they can be left on their own, your social life/frienships will really come back again!

I still have a healthy social life - agree with pp, my dh is very hands on so I’m probably not as tired as some women who have to do it all 🤷‍♀️.

My kids dad doesn't get back until 7.30 and most of my friends don't want to meet up that late or don't have anyone to have their children! It's really difficult as I'm exhausted at 7.30 99% of the time.
Also I'm in my early thirties so the only time my child free friends want to meet is never the time I'm free!

I've always done things with friends, at all stages of my DCs lives. DH would always be around during the evening and at weekends, as I would be when he wanted to do something. We just needed to check that dates didn't clash.

It's very important to maintain healthy friendships, and that includes not talking endlessly about DC. Having other interests and keeping up with current affairs is vital if you don't want to become "just a mother". It is also important that your DC realise you don't exist simply to look after them but that you have a life outside of that too.

Yanbu. Well in my case.

I work, 2 DC and mostly manage the home as dh has a commute and I WFH.

Weekends are rest and get ready for the next week. For the pp who asked 'what does prepare for the week ahead even mean' for me it's make lunches x 2 as my evenings are filled with work meetings thanks to a shit timezone difference, get all washing done, dried and put away, uniforms ironed, shopping done.

My DF are the same so thankfully there's no one demanding more of my time and trying to make me feel guilty for not giving it to them. WhatsApp and group chats keep the friendships ticking along mostly until we do get a catch up in.

I'm more wondering about the nature of friendship and what purpose it served to previous generations.
My gran met up with other mothers in the day as she would have never spoken to another adult apart from my grandad ever!
My mum met up with friends as she was a lone parent and she didn't see anyone at weekends apart from her children.
I met up with other mums on maternity as I was lonely and didn't know what the hell I was doing with my baby and the weird shit my body was doing.
Friendships do, to an extent, serve a purpose.
I speak to people all day at work. My work is very people heavy! I find it exhausting speaking to people outside of work, even people I love and cherish. I wonder if I have the emotional capacity to be a very good friend right now.

I think your view of previous generations is skewed though. Plenty of women have always worked. It’s way too simplistic to say women before stayed at home and socialised with other women who had children at home.
My own grandmother and mother always worked. It’s not a contemporary thing for women to work.

Are you talking about mothers only now as you said "women" in your first post?

I'm not a mother. I have a very active social life and I make an effort whether I'm tired or not. I get that parenting is tiring but less so when you're kids are grown up a bit presumably. Of course "Friendships do, to an extent, serve a purpose" as any woman whose husband pisses off and kids get a life of their own will tell you.

Yeah, I feel the same. Except my house is a tip because I’m so exhausted on the weekends and my dp is useless with housework. It’s all on me, I get treated like a SAHM even though I work up to 50 hrs a week. I’m done.

I use sm to keep in touch. Only actually see real people every few weeks. I've always taught though (heavy markload subject), and like to be in bed by 10, so weeknights have always been out, unless very much planned in advance. Kids tend to have things on during the week too, so we end up doing taxiing.I tend to do less in winter too.

@CovertImage everyone I suppose. I don't think it's an overstatement to say that we have never been busier; consistently, throughout the year. There is also a big disparity between our lifestyles in a way that I'm not sure was possible before. I know people without children, people who work nights, stay at home parents, working from home parents, lone parents Etc. Maybe in the past I was more likely to know people who lived in a similar way to me? IDK.. just something I've been musing whilst feeling shit about being there for certain people.

This.
Yes, the 10 -15 years when your dc are small is the most difficult time, as going out means one of you have to be in or you have to get babysitters, but it is still important to carve out time for yourself.

I think your view of previous generations is skewed though. Plenty of women have always worked. It’s way too simplistic to say women before stayed at home and socialised with other women who had children at home.

I also agree with @luxxlisbon .

I have adult dc and am coming up to retirement and have always worked outside the home,. My Mum would be in her 90s now and always woth. My Grandfather was a farm labourer so grandma was pretty isolated on the farm, and indeed would be working / contributing to the work on the farm too.

You make the effort to keep doing things, not say "I'm too tired" if you want to maintain friendships, or make new friends.

i have 3 dc, youngest is 4, I have had times when each was a baby and I was feeding when I never went out in the evenings. Plus covid. But once they have been big enough I’ve gone out when dh is there at home. I have made friends with the children’s friends parents and probably go out in the evenings about once every two months or so in the evenings. I also work and that can be fairly sociable. Then also my dh and I get a babysitter a couple of times a year and go out.
In addition my children’s friends parents are a sociable lot and we have meet ups and host each other at home with all the kids in tow which is fun. I’m much happier now I have the chance to go out relax and chat and get to know people. I think it’s really important.