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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Nobody cares about my birthday aibu?

23 replies

sinnerbinner · 18/12/2022 11:03

I know when you get older birthdays aren't really significant and that's fine but I just wish for once I felt important.
I'm 33 on Christmas Eve and I have 3 friends who I'm close too.
Friend 1 it was her birthday in April and I took her away for the night and paid for trains /hotel and a meal ,got her a nice present.
Friend 2 we went out for a night out and had a dance and I got her a gift
Friend 3 was November and I took her for a meal.

My birthday next Saturday and nothing.
Friend 1 said shall we meet in spoons on Thursday and exchange Christmas gifts and il give you your birthday card (spoons!)
Friend 2 has said nothing and friend 3 nothing either.
My boyfriend is skint so we will go nowhere.
Aibu ?

OP posts:

Original poster

sinnerbinner · 18/12/2022 11:34

I hope I don't sound spoiled because I'm honestly not at all

OP posts:

Zampa · 18/12/2022 11:39

Happy Birthday in advance.

I've found that the onus is on the birthday girl to organise their own celebrations, once older. You've also got the added complication of everyone being busy with their own Christmas plans. It sucks.

Why don't you suggest getting together with your friends after January pay day for a belated celebration?

JorisBonson · 18/12/2022 11:43

Haven't you already got a thread running about your waster of a boyfriend?

Fairyliz · 18/12/2022 11:44

Well there’s nothing you can really do except wait and see or possibly arrange a nice day for yourself.
However if they don’t bother I would take that as a reason to stop birthday presents in the future, save the money and the time. If they say anything you can say oh I didn’t think we were bothering any more as you didn’t get me anything.
It is shit; my birthday is January so whilst I do get presents they tend to be regifted rubbish or odd things from the sales.

Anewhoo · 18/12/2022 11:44

Can you arrange something for January? Most people are busy Christmas Eve

MyBooksAndMyCats · 18/12/2022 11:45

I would assume so close to Christmas that they are skint.

Could you not arrange drinks round yours instead?

DenholmElliot11 · 18/12/2022 11:47

Friend 1 sounds great

if I was Friend 1 trying to organise meeting up with you on your birthday and you posted a thread saying i didn't care i'd be really annoyed.

SapatSea · 18/12/2022 12:24

I presume it was your own decision to spend wildly on taking Friend 1 away for a night at a hotel/meal etc. Perhaps she can't afford to reciprocate or felt it was OTT and wants to break the cycle of having to "pay you back."

DownToTheSeaAgain · 18/12/2022 12:31

It's not your fault but Christmas Eve is a really difficult day to arrange a birthday celebration.There's always loads going on. Why not pick a day in Spring or Summer to arrange an alternative day for your celebration to give everyone time to save for and plan something special.

ScarierThanBoo · 18/12/2022 12:33

Well you can not give a fuck when their birthdays roll around now cant you?

Mary46 · 18/12/2022 12:37

Could you do something in Jan op. Find this month is crazy. I feel same and I big birthday coming up.

AngelontopoftheTree · 18/12/2022 12:37

I think you've spent a ridiculous amount of money, especially in friend 1, unless it's mutual that you spend that amount on each other.
Don't do that next year.
Happy birthday for next week.

QueefQueen80s · 18/12/2022 13:20

Yeah think this is a case of expecting too much.. you spend loads on your friends which I've never heard of so no wonder it isn't reciprocated.
You need to organise it yourself.

Mary46 · 18/12/2022 13:24

Prob too expensive op I think keep them low key going forward. And its alot pressure if they have pay that too

DrEllie · 18/12/2022 13:31

I have a Xmas birthday and it's just par of the course IMHO. It's annoying

EternalSunshine19 · 18/12/2022 13:33

I think it's sad that no one is making an effort. I'd be happy with spoons (if i didn't already boycott them). It's sad that your other friends don't want to make any effort at all though.
December birthday's are hard sometimes (mine is tomorrow). I've decided to treat people the way they treat me. I make an effort for the people that make an effort for me.
so next year don't take your friends away for their birthday. Don't make an effort and take your other friend to spoons for her birthday. If its good enough for you, its good enough for her.
happy birthday for the 24th 😊

JassyRadlett · 18/12/2022 13:36

I'm another Christmas birthday person and I think it's super tough to expect the same at this time of year than at other times. Mine is just after the new year and it's still pretty grim.

My experience has been that with a birthday two weeks either side of Christmas, you've got to organise it yourself and either make the celebrations early December or late January after everyone's given up on their resolutions. Yeah, it's a bit crappy but it's the reality: you've got to be able to say 'hey, having a Christmas Eve birthday is totally shit, I'm always so sad that everyone is so busy that time of year that I don't get to enjoy celebrating it. So this year I'm shifting it to the end of Jan, let me know what dates you're free and I'll book somewhere.

The 'let's meet to exchange presents and I'll give you your card' is pretty awful though. I'd pull way back on the generosity next year.

BeyondTheLetterOfTheLawTheLetter · 18/12/2022 13:59

Mine is xmas eve too. You don't sound spoiled, but it is what it is. It's the time of year, and it's never been any different. As a child all of my birthday parties were in January, tbh I think that's the way forward as an adult too.

superdupernova · 18/12/2022 14:06

At 33, I don't expect my friends to buy me stuff for my birthday. I might organise a meal out (and pay for myself) but I wouldn't expect them to plan my birthday celebration for me or pay for it. I don't know anyone else who does. Are you the only one in your group who does this?

UsingChangeofName · 18/12/2022 14:36

If my birthday were on Christmas Eve, I would let my friends know that my "official birthday" was at the end of January, or (better still) going to be held on 24th June each year, and arrange to get together for your birthday then instead.

AclowncalledAlice · 18/12/2022 15:29

Mine's Christmas Day...you just have to learn to accept that your birthday is not everyone's priority and move on I'm afraid. Meet up in February/March time (January is also a no-go as most people won't have much money left until pay-day), and do what you would have done (minus presents), had it been your birthday then. Look on the bright side....your boyfriend will be able to take you somewhere for a meal later on and it won't be a Christmas menu.

EndlessRain1 · 18/12/2022 15:31

I don't thin you can reasonably expect people to spend their Christmas eve celebrating your birthday, it's just not the same as taking someone for a meal mid november. It sounds like one of your friends at least is making an effort? Why don't you suggest doing soemthing in January instead if you don't like the idea?

jwpetal · 18/12/2022 16:15

Do you pour all your energy into celebrating birthdays, because this is what you would like? If yes, your challenge is to not expect others to read your mind and to organise your celebrations or be clear with your friends what you would like. My friend is like this. She goes over the top with birthdays, I do not. Say it, organise it, own it and enjoy it. Don't wait for them. Celebrate yourself.

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