Is it important to be sociable?

[wafflesandbeans]

DH and I are aware we are less sociable now (approaching 40) than we've ever been. We are trying to work out if this is reasonable or whether we should 'force' ourselves to be more sociable in 2023?

I work in frontline healthcare so I have my fill of people in a daily basis whether I want it or not. DH was born and raised in the hospitality industry and feels he's well and truly had his fill of having to force himself to be sociable.

We live rurally, ie no pubs and nearest is a 10 minute drive and taxis are expensive. Not an issue as such but not an every week occurrence.

We have a small amount of friends between us purely I believe because we don't actively go seeking new friendships over the years. I don't force myself into the school mum scene like other locals.

How important is being sociable to you? Is it something you do easily or do you have to be proactive?

Whatever makes you happy tbh. Some people want tons of friends and social interactions, some would rather stick pins in their eyes. Both are fine.

To add, I was at a soft play the other week with my toddler and I was sat near a group of about 5 women (who I recognised from being about 5 years younger than me at school) and the dynamic made me cringe. One very vocal lady clearly boring everyone with her buffet choices for a Christmas party. A couple of ladies trying to get a word in edge ways, then like another, realising it was fruitless. Another just inserting a comment every now and then.
It made me cringe. Am I just being a dick?

It is reasonable and your choice, though I think when in many years time you each retire and lose the conversations etc from work, you may find it difficult then.

I don't blame you at all for avoiding the 'school mum scene' as you term it. As long as you are not rude to anyone.

I think you will feel different when your jobs and family no longer require you to spend so much time with other people. You both need a break from people at the moment. Someday when you aren't overwhelmed by people, I bet you will want more socialising.

But I doubt you need to be proactive about it now. It's never too late to go out and make new friends, so you can cross that bridge when you come to it.

I look at people who are 20-30 years older, and based on what I see, I think it is really important to have social ties that go beyond your partner and your job that are reasonably local to you. That could be family, or it could be friends. It could be work colleagues that turn into friends. It could be a looser connection like a church or hobby group. Being too isolated makes life harder particularly if things go wrong, and while you're working its easy to put all your eggs in the 'work' basket.

I agree with others who say it is more important as you get older.