Annoyed by needless lying

[Whowhatwherewhenwhynow]

This is part rant and part AIBU. AIBU to be pissed off by needless lying or should I just chill out and accept it as part of human nature?

I seem to have several people in my family who lie over really pointless things. For example my PIL said they needed to travel to come see us a day later than planned because of issues driving in the weather. We later found out that in fact they’d agreed to look after their grandchild (this is one small example of many). The lie just seems odd. Why wouldn’t they just tell the truth? Me and my DH are both kind and understanding and have never given them bother about changing plans. We genuinely wouldn’t have minded, so the lying feels horrible and pointless.

Another example is I asked my cousin to come for a walk with me. She said she had to drop her daughter to work and so couldn’t come. Later I saw her daughter out elsewhere (again this is one of many examples). This cousin seems to lie/ignore rather than saying “no”.

my parents are also massive liars about things. So I’m finding myself increasingly annoyed that so many people around me seem to lie. it just seems so pointless to lie about such trivial things. I have wondered if it’s because a lot of my family are very passive and so are unable to say no or be assertive and deal with an issue head on.

is this behaviour normal in families?

I do wonder if I find this behaviour harder because I’m quite straight forward. I’m not unkind in anyway but I will just say no if I can’t do something or apologise and give a truthful answer for having to cancel plans.

Honestly, you sound quite pious, could that be why people feel that they can't tell you the truth? You seem very aware of how great you are and very aware of everyone else's flaws. It must be annoying that no one feels comfortable telling you the truth - I'd imagine other people don't view you as being as wonderful as you think you are tbh.

@RunnerBum Reading back my op I can see how I come across as pious (nice word BTW). I don't think I come across like that in real life. I see myself more as “blunt”. I’m certainly not a holier than thou type/ more direct I think. However that’s just my perspective. Maybe I come across differently to others?

I would honestly call them out on it, and say I really hope you feel you can tell the truth to me, or say I don't mean to be offish with you but is there a reason you didn't tell me the truth? I really appreciate honestly, please don't feel you have to make up lies about small things or say no if you can't.

I agree OP it's annoying

I have a friend like this. What annoys me is it’s normally a lie to provoke sympathy, like a convoluted story about a lot of work or illness.
I’ll then find out she just had other plans. It’s annoying because I end up engaging in a discussion about wishing her better or sympathies over her hard work schedule. It wastes my time and is a false conversation, when she could just have said ‘oh I’m busy Tuesday, are you free any other days?’ or something

So I have done similar with my dad. He actually lied about a big thing a couple of years ago (illness) and I found out about it from a cousin who heard from his colleague. I was very direct then about not liking lying and I do think he has got better. So maybe that is a good tact to take.

Ill ponder on this. I do like the sound of just asking why they lied and expressing I would not have been upset with the truth. However I suspect it might result in further denial, but maybe I should at least give it a go.

Yes! It’s how simply it would be to tell the truth that annoys me too. I’d almost understand if it was something massive like I broke your Tv. But something so trivial I just literally don’t understand it.

im neurodiverse so I wonder if that comes in to play too.