To cut my child's father out of her life.

[wtfthrowaway]

I do not give permission for anyone to print my story or use it in any capacity.

My 6 year old was spat on my by her 40 year old uncle on purpose today. I'm waiting to get her home so I can call the police and have him arrested. I'm going to ensure social services stop contact with that uncle.

This is the second incident and I didn't know he was there. First time he hit her and I was told he wouldn't be near her again. Her father left her today with said uncle and his mum to go out drinking over 2 hours away. He knows what has happened and has refused to collect our child tonight and I cannot get there myself (I've tried everything) I'm getting her at 7am and she will not go back.

They're trying to say the spiting was accidental now, despite previously saying it's justified as my child "spat first" my child does not spit but even if she did a 40 year old man should know better than to spit in her hair. She was crying on the phone to me and said she could still smell the spit.

They've since said it's justified as I have spat when I coughed and laughed before. Entirely different scenario and I'm baffled at the comparison.

I just want my baby home safe.
I just want to never have to expose her to her fathers family ever again.

You are her advocate - I would suspend ALL contact if he refuses to keep her safe

Is there really no way you can get her back tonight ???? I'd be really concerned with her spending the night there .

Trust me, im concerned leaving her there too - I'm 3 hours away with a young baby. He chose to take her that far so he could go out drinking. Im super concerned. I can't sleep and I've numbed all feeling just trying to get through till tomorrow to get her home.

Quick thought - if you are going to call the police in the morning anyway, and you are concerned about her safety - ring them tonight. They may be able to help you fetch her home, or have a duty Social Worker that can.

Sending much love, I hope you get her to safety.

I really feel for you. Absolutely do not allow her father contact if he cannot keep her safe, that's his main job as a parent.

This is a good idea I will try this. I've messaged her dad all night and they've just ignored me. The mother who raised these monsters is acting like they have done nothing wrong. I'm just in shock now.

Yes I think it's a good idea to call the police. Especially if you are very concerned about her safety.

The worst part of all of it is I fought to keep him away after he hurt her by accident when she was a baby (whilst drinking). The courts still granted him access every other weekend.

I am so tired. He abused me whilst we were together and I see now it's a family trait. His mother was on the phone asking my child to say there was "nothing sinister" going on in the house.

You haven’t tried everything if you are waiting for her to be home to call police. I no it’s scary, but I’d call them now. But yes once she’s home I would cut contact with her dad for her own safety.

You should keep her away from him but I wouldn’t bank on the family courts denying him access.

Ok, firstly how do you know this incident happened as described?

It's highly unlikely a man will be arrested for spitting on a child - as despicable an action that it is.

Secondly, saying you don't give permission for this thread to be used in any other capacity is irrelevant. It's a public forum so if you don't want a paper picking it up then ask to have it deleted.

Thirdly you can't just cut your child's father out of her life. She has right to have access to both parents. You can set in motion the ability to have the safety of that contact assessed by calling SS and saying that until they have done so you will not be facilitating contact, but I caution you against going in full pelt and saying you will withdraw contact fully. Ultimately there is a risk if you don't recognise your child's right to have contact with her father it could backfire on you.

If SS assess there is a risk it's likely contact will continue but in a safe environment, such as a contact centre or out in the community with an approved worker present or with trusted family members (who will be assessed to be trustworthy).

Legally we have responsibilities to our children rather than rights over them.

I appreciate your concern and distress but equally I don't wish for you to make decisions in the midst of that which might not help in the long term.

In your position I'd ask the police to conduct a welfare check to ensure your child is safe tonight.

Tomorrow I'd ring SS (though I wouldn't in the situation you've described expect you'll get an immediate call out from the weekend duty team - especially if you child is back with you).

When you speak to SS make clear your issue is her fathers inability to keep her safe from his brother - say you recognise your daughters right to have a relationship with her father but you need their assistance in ensuring this happens safely.

Reading your more recent posts re: court do you have a CAFCASS officer?

If so, you should contact them on Monday and update them on these developments.

Spitting is a criminal offence and it's no different just because the victim is a child. It's considered battery. I have proof it occurred. My question wasn't around the criminal offence just if I should continue to allow contact with her father.

I have the mother admitting this occurred word for word. Via text message. My child's father then admitted it occurred but did not give specific details.

I've contacted EDT/police and action is being taken.

Court was finalised a few years ago so not anymore. I imagine when all this gains traction I will be given another caffcass officer.

OK OP firstly revoking your permission will not stop the story being published. The press don’t need your permission, it’s a public forum.

Social services are too busy to worry about uncles being kept away from children and I doubt he will be arrested either.

I wouldn’t want my DC around that family either but the problem is if you do stop her going and her dad goes to court and you’ve withheld contact from him because of his brother, it could make you look bad (which is shit but it’s how the system works). Just tread carefully with this one. Take some time to calm down and have a think and a grown up discussion with your ex in the next few days.

OK OP firstly revoking your permission will not stop the story being published. The press don’t need your permission, it’s a public forum.

It doesn’t take a genius to realise the daily fail are much less likely to publish a thread where to OP explicitly states she does not want it published, as people will likely Google the thread, and it doesn’t look good for them publishing information people don’t want in their paper. Stop nitpicking. It takes two brain cells to realise this.

They’ll publish whatever gets hits. It takes one brain cell to realise that. I wasn’t nitpicking - just adjusting the OP’s expectations that her story won’t be published because she said it couldn’t be

I'm pleased action is being taken.

As for should you withhold contact, my previous posts still stand.

Which is to say, in light of these revelations you will not facilitate contact until SS have assessed the situation.

Do not say you'll withhold contact full stop.

Explain what's happened and show the evidence you have.

Always bear in mind that any decision by SS will centre your child. Look up the welfare checklist (childlawadvice.org.uk/information-pages/the-welfare-checklist/) if you are not familiar with it - this is the basis on which SS will assess the best interests of your child.

Thank you for the advice.

My child is safe and with me. The situation is worse than I imagined but I am not going to update further as the authorities are involved now and I want to protect my child.

Glad your child is safe with you OP.

I'm pleased she is home and safe and that you both get the support you need

So glad she's home safe. Take care