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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is it me, or does everyone agree, most men just act like idiots when they have drunk too much

16 replies

JKDcot · 17/12/2022 22:37

I love my DH and 95% of the time he’s a perfect gentleman. But the evenings (and it’s only occasionally) he drinks too much his personality changes. He becomes a bit arrogant/cocky, opinionated, rude and dismissive. I don’t change my behaviour and hardly ever drink so I notice it more. It’s never nasty or aggressive, but it’s just a noticeable dick head ness.

once he’s gone past being his normal self I just have to give up on trying to have a nice evening and wait for him to sleep it off

Is it just me? Why is it that he just becomes meaner ? So fed up and he never realises or acknowledge it and says I over react or am too sensitive. Any advice?

OP posts:

Luredbyapomegranate · 17/12/2022 22:42

that is tiresome, as soon as he starts I would just leave him to it. I don’t think all men / all people are mean when they’re drunk no.

IntentionalError · 17/12/2022 22:43

I worked in town pubs for years when I was a student. One of the things this taught me was that people act like idiots when they have drunk too much. It really isn’t gender specific. And there is a significant subset of the population who are perfectly nice, reasonable people when sober yet turn into obnoxious arseholes when they are drunk.

MadMadMadamMim · 17/12/2022 22:47

He sounds tiresome. Some people are cheerful drunks and some are tossers. It's certainly not all men.

sweetkitty · 17/12/2022 22:47

My DH is the exact same one of the reasons he hardly ever drinks now. When he does he will sleep downstairs too as I can’t be doing with him in the same room as me either

dancingqueen123 · 17/12/2022 22:47

Most people op.

Gingernaut · 17/12/2022 22:48

Most people, male or female act like idiots when drunk.

Original poster

JKDcot · 17/12/2022 22:49

It’s interesting as he is just so unaware of it and looks shocked when I tell him the next day. Other people must have pointed it out.?We only met in mid 30s so he’s had plenty of years to be the same….

I just wonder if I’m too sensitive though and should just laugh it off. He’s never mean about me. Just so argumentative and rude

OP posts:

Elieza · 17/12/2022 22:51

My ex was one of those. Dickhead. I ended up saying he’d have to stay elsewhere when he was drinking as I couldn’t hack it.

Original poster

JKDcot · 17/12/2022 22:54

It just feels like I don’t matter. My opinion and my emotions are not considered

OP posts:

MyDadIsADrunk · 17/12/2022 22:54

Name changed for this.

OMG, YES! You have described my dad. He just turns into a total cock when he has been drinking. I only ever hear from him when he has been drinking. He has to be drunk to speak to his own daughter? Pathetic!

He says "sorry" when his behaviour is called up on. Is empty words. He does not think he has done wrong at all. So it is a big rinse and repeat cycle.

wrappednotasinglegiftyet · 17/12/2022 23:03

Yep. My DH of 20 years is a lovely, polite, intelligent man. He rarely drinks much, luckily.

Get him with his 'old friends' and a few pints in and he's an absolute prat. Gobby, opinionated, reverts to pretty much his idiotic 18th year old self, village slang and all.

I can't bear it.

Luckily he only has these get together as with this group about once a year and I've taken to encouraging him to make it an overnight so that I don't have to witness it. It's very unattractive.

When he meets up with his university friends, or friends from a his hobby (or we're with 'our' friends!) he's not like it! It's like the pissed-ness combined with this one particular group wakes up a deeply slumbering and forgotten about arrogant young man who I dislike rather intensely!

He's never rude to me, or abusive etc. Just loud, annoying and unlikeable!

TheGuv1982 · 17/12/2022 23:06

In my experience, most people regardless of gender can turn into a twat after drinking too many - and I’m no exception.

Original poster

JKDcot · 17/12/2022 23:06

Totally unattractive and annoying. He’s just left our dog outside as he forgot to let him in. Great

OP posts:

UsingChangeofName · 17/12/2022 23:09

What @IntentionalError and others have said. It isn't just men. Most people who drink too much act differently when they have too much to drink.

What you need to discuss with him is why he has to drink to excess.

Tilllly · 17/12/2022 23:14

My DH is the same. It's grim

Whereas on the occasions I've had too much, I become extremely witty and convinced I can sing. I can't....

I'm cheerful when tipsy / drunk. I can't be doing with people who get maudlin or aggressive - why drink if you get that way?

Maverickess · 17/12/2022 23:29

Most have the potential when they've had too much, the bigger problem I think is the culture of blaming the booze and excusing the behaviour, everyone knows drink changes them, but for some it's an excuse to behave like a complete tool and get away with it because they were drunk - well you choose to drink that much in the first place and if you know you behave like an arse and get aggressive/argumentative/abusive when you do, then you're choosing to behave that way, the drink is the catalyst and if you choose to drink that much you behave like that, the booze isn't an excuse.

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