Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to take my bf to meet an old university friend I've not seen for 8 years

20 replies

lydialady · 02/02/2008 15:32

Probably yes .

I lost touch with them after I moved out of our student house to have my baby. We tried a few times to contact each other and now with the wonder that is Facebook we've made contact again and am planning to meet up again, probably next month. Bf wants to come with me and make a weekend of it whereas I was planning to do it in one day and take my little girl with me as my mate has never seen her! He's asked to come instead which I feel a bit annoyed about. He tends to be jealous anyway so he won't like it if I get asked about my dd's father. Plus I was hoping for a girlie catch up and maybe take him another time since my mate still seems to be a party animal. There is another girl I have to track down and he wants to attend that reunion as well. I don't begrudge him meeting my friends but I feel the first meeting should be for me at first and bring him into it later on bearing in mind how long it's taken for me to get back in touch.
Any thoughts?

OP posts:
Original poster
lydialady · 02/02/2008 15:34

It all sounds like I have something to hide from him but it's more I am a private person so the more he digs or delves, the more I tend to clam up. I'm worried he might miscontrue something from years ago - not that there is anything to hide .

OP posts:
UniversallyChallenged · 02/02/2008 15:49

Cant help but think if it was me, the other way round, i might feel a bit put out. If you did invite him cant you ask him to take dd for a walk after the the intros/chitchat done so you can have a real catch up with your girlfriend?

Original poster
lydialady · 02/02/2008 15:56

He doesn't want dd to go, he wants to come instead of her.

OP posts:
Sunshinemummy · 02/02/2008 16:00

Lydialady I wouldn't want DP to come either and neither would he. You'll just feel the need to include him in the conversation when what you really want to do is just wallow in nostalgia.

He sounds a tad insecure tbh.

branflake81 · 04/02/2008 11:27

You're not being unreasonable at all. I can't see why he would want to come and can see every reason why you'd rather go alone with your DD. He sounds very insecure.

Chequers · 04/02/2008 11:32

Message withdrawn

VinegarTits · 04/02/2008 11:37

YANBU sounds like he doesnt trust you to go on your own.

noughty · 04/02/2008 11:49

YANBU. Fair enough to be paranoid if you were going off to meet an ex, but a girlie catch up is not something he should be trying to muscle in on. It's not possible to have a good girlie catch up with your DP there. He should know that. Would he want you on a boys nite out? He sounds insecure and you maybe have to reassure him that you have nothing naughty planned but want to talk about childbirth, periods, etc; that should put him off!!! It will be wierd with him there and not nearly so much fun. He can't control what you do all the time so he's got to relax and trust you.

noughty · 04/02/2008 11:50

It does not sound AT ALL like you have something to hide; it is perfectly reasonable to want to catch up with old friends on your own terms

dustbuster · 04/02/2008 12:02

YANBU. It's perfectly reasonable to want to have a girly catch up - wouldn't be at all the same if boyfriend was there. Stick to your guns!

NAB3wishesfor2008 · 04/02/2008 12:29

It sounds like he doesn't trust you to go without him. Why can't your DD go if he goes?

dal21 · 04/02/2008 12:54

YANBU - i wouldnt want to go out with DH when he is out with his friends. why on earth would he want to go out with me if I want a girlie natter with my mates?

there is nothing wrong with wanting some time with friends minus your partner

he sounds very insecure tbh. how will he react if you put to him what your original plan was?

Chequers · 04/02/2008 12:59

Message withdrawn

NumberSix · 04/02/2008 12:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OverMyDeadBody · 04/02/2008 13:01

YANBU. If I was meeting up with old uni friends I'd want to go alone and I'd also rather the friends didn't turn up with their BF that I don't know.

madamez · 04/02/2008 13:02

Tell him to get stuffed, he;s not coming with you and that's that. You're not his property and have every right to see whoever you like. ANy tendency to muscle in on your friendships should always be stamped on hard at the beginning, because men who do this are either potential abusers who want to isolate and control, or useless whiny mummy-w boys who will follow you around, clinging to your clothes and bleating, until you want to kill them.

NumberSix · 04/02/2008 13:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Chequers · 04/02/2008 13:06

Message withdrawn

kitbit · 04/02/2008 13:25

He'll just sit there like a spare part not really able to participate much as you will be catching up, he'll get miffed that he doesn't feel included, you'll have a row about it and everyone will be upset and annoyed. And your friend will think he's weird because you will keep trying to compensate for him not saying much and it'll all get a bit strained and not as much fun as you'd hoped.

Yes, I have had reunions with long lost friends in the past with an insistent insecure possessive boyfriend (now ex) in tow!

jasper · 04/02/2008 13:42

It's your day out.
Don't take him

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread