To think I have an eating disorder

[EatYouNextTuesday]

As opposed to just being greedy?

Tonight I'm home on my own and have eaten for dinner: a hunter's chicken meal for two, about 8 roast potatoes and I would say two very generous portions of veg followed by both Gu puddings in the pack and double cream. I had an iced latte not long before I started making dinner.

I feel so uncomfortably full and ashamed. This is a regular occurrence for me and it's not unusual for me to eat double portions. I live alone with my child and they don't see the "extra" I eat as I will plate up a normal portion then wolf down the leftovers an hour or so later when I'm washing up. I've eaten multi-packs of chocolate bars before and had to go out and replace them so that my child didn't realise there were so many missing. When I lived with my ex I would eat my meal then have more when he was out or at work.

I'm so overweight and I feel crap all the time but it's not enough to motivate me. I lost two stone earlier this year when a health condition was physically stopping me from being able to eat like this but since that has resolved itself I have reverted back to my old ways.

I feel disgusting but I don't know how to gain control. It's not even just unhealthy crap I binge on - I'll stuff myself full of vegetable stir fry or have two baked potatoes instead of one. Preparing less food doesn't help either as I'll just move onto whatever else is in the cupboard.

Has anyone else gone through this and managed to get a handle on things? I'm not sure the GP will be much help given how difficult it is to get any assistance for mental health at the moment.

Or am I just a greedy cow looking for excuses as to why I stuff my face until I feel ill?

Hi OP. I'm not an expert but it sounds like binge eating disorder. It sounds like you feel compelled to keep eating even if consciously and logically you know you don't need or even truly want to. I have a tendancy towards this kind of behaviour so I understand how tough it is. And almost the worst thing about it is the cycles of behaviour followed by self-loathing. You are not disgusting, you are just struggling to gain control over a powerful compulsion. I would say that in order to gain better control over it you will probably need professional help. I would pursue that any way that you can although I understand what you're saying about difficulty of access to mental health services currently. I'd try through the GP first of all, worth a try! Best of luck OP. You have it within yourself to change something that you can see is not working for you at the moment and hasn't for some time.

It does sound like BED op. I have a different eating disorder and have had the help of a dietician and therapist which was incredibly helpful but also expensive. If you can't afford help go to the GP and get on waiting lists. You could also look at online communities on Reddit for example (/r/fuckeatingdisorders or /r/eatingdisordersover30 are good). You could also look for self help with things like CBT or ABT. Good luck OP it's really tough but you can recover.

I'm a single parent on a low income so unfortunately no chance of going private.

I feel like it could be Binge Eating Disorder but at the same time scared to seek help incase I get sneered at for being dramatic instead of just not eating so much.

I recognise the problem as how I eat, not necessarily what I eat as I can happily go without chocolate and chips for a long time but I'll gorge on whatever else is there - cheese, crackers, veg, toast etc.

I ate dinner hours ago and I still feel uncomfortably full up. Sometimes I even wake in the night to snack in secret, but I manage to eat normally around others e.g. at work I would have a sandwich and some fruit at lunchtime.

When I lost weight I had to downsize my work clothes which are now becoming tight again. I don't want the embarrassment of asking my boss to order a size up again.