Feel like such a loser at 31

[Dakotablue]

I don't drive and the strikes have made me feel worse. I'm having to take various buses to get around and I've just done a 3-hour bus journey that would've been an hour in the car. I feel like such an idiot
I failed many driving tests when younger, I'd like to start in an automatic but lessons are so expensive.
All of my friends passed a long time ago and i feel like it's weird for a 31 year old to not have a licence.
Otherwise, my partner and I live in a studio flat. It's a very nice flat in a city centre, but it's a studio. This also makes me feel embarrassed even though the flat itself is lovely. It's just not normal for my age I feel.
I'm on 23k a year, again probably far too low for someone in their 30s. I am applying for better paid jobs, waiting to hear from one which is 30k, but nothing guaranteed.
I feel like I'll get to 40 and nothing to show for it

You are too old to be embarrassed that you don’t have the same things your friends have! There’s nothing wrong with your life, enjoy it and strive for more sure, but life is too short to be ‘embarrassed’ at nothing. What exactly is wrong with a studio flat if you live in the city?

A lot can change in ten years believe me.

But the negative self talk is not going to help you go for opportunities or help persuade employers that you are the person they need.

Nothing wrong with a studio - you earn enough to pay your way, you have a partner, lots of people would be envious of that.

Good luck OP.

There are peaks and troughs I life and sometimes the lows give is the motivation to get to.the highs. Do you have any friends or family who could help teach you to drive an automatic? I went for an auto licence as I just couldnt get my head around the clutch, it was the best thing I ever did. My ex taught me to drive and I just had 4 lessons with an instructor at the end to make sure I was test ready, doing it that way only took me 2 months to learn and pass my test.
Job wise dont put all your eggs in one basket, get your cv reviewed and apply to many positions to give you more portions. Get some action plans in place and hopefully you will feel happier

I was on 16k at 41! I also don't drive now at nearly 50!
Things change. I am now on 100k and......I still don't drive.
You are doing great!
Comparison is the thief of joy.

Comparing yourself to other people gets you nowhere... I'm over 40, graduate, and perfectly happy in my £21k a year job.

Thank you, I think I'm just comparing with friends again, most of them are in 2/3 bed houses that that they own (of course)

Thank you, I think it's just because I'm getting older, already starting to feel a bit 'past it' which is ridiculous I know.

The average U.K. salary is about £30k, and within that people’s salaries tend to rise gradually til their 40s then dip gradually. So in the grand scheme of things, it sounds like you’re doing ok. And if you’re living somewhere that’s central and very nice it’s going to be smaller than if you’re living in the outer suburbs and/or somewhere grotty.

If you feel discontented with your life inherently, that’s one thing. But if this is about comparing yourself to others, it really doesn’t sound like your position is bad at all.

No idea what the statistics are on car driving!

You're not a loser, you're just at a stage where you want more, that's fine but don't compare to others, there will always be someone who has a bigger house, more expensive car etc. just work towards what you can manage and be satisfied, it can't all happen at once, once you've found a better paid job you can start lessons, gradually you and your partner can save to move to a bigger place in time.

Your on the property ladder so that’s something. I didn’t start driving till I was mid 20s, never saw the need - and my first driving test was so bad I got a “Danger”.

In terms of wage, best career advice I ever had was to look to earn more than my age. It’s kept me motivated to keep rising, even during the times I’ve been comfortable.

I think it's also because the group of school friends i have are all on very high salaries and all lead similar lifestyles.
However I've got another friend who's 40 and lives in a houseshare, doesn't have a car, probably on about 18k a year as a TA and he's as happy as they come.

In terms of wage, best career advice I ever had was to look to earn more than my age. It’s kept me motivated to keep rising, even during the times I’ve been comfortable

What's the point? What does 'rising' mean? People who earn more are higher status? People who earn less are lower status? This isn't true.

Also it's economically impossible for every single 60 yo to be earning 60K

There was an article in one of the Sunday papers last week about how many people are reliant on inheritance or money gifts from family to buy their houses. I think it said it accounted for 33% of the difference.

Everyone if in their own path, they’ll always be someone who has better this or that, you’ll get to where you need to be
it’s not a competition
Think of all the positives you have accomplished, it took ages for me to pass driving, keep trying, you will get there

No no no no this all sounds incredibly NORMAL and please stop putting yourself down.

You’re an interesting individual who live ins a studio flat with a PARTNER in a city. That itself is very cool to a lot of people. I bet your job is interesting too.

The only embarrassing thing is that you’re embarrassed!

Also I am in my early 30s and only just started driving. I thought it would never happen.

Focus and start saving up. One goal at a time.

You're not being unreasonable to feel like this now but you would be if you think this can't change. I probably earned less than you at your age but earn 46k now at 41. Still don't drive, and it's a bit of drag but doesn't mean I'm incompetent at other things, far from it. Chin up for 2023.

You sound like a lovely soul. You've nothing to be embarrassed by. If you're comparing to friends with more (and there always are some with more) you can easily feel lesser.

It sounds like you want to learn to drive. Could you start up again in an automatic?

Are there any goals you'd like to achieve in future?

Count your blessings but also know life can change and there is lots you can do if you want to.

I'm also 30s, can't drive, don't own a place. But I have other blessings. Feel free to PM me if you ever want to.

OP we sound very similar! I just turned 32. A graduate but got pg in final year of uni (still completed degree) which set me back in terms of grad jobs/the career ladder etc. I now earn 24k plus bonuses (probably about 26k all in.) All of my friends have very interesting high paid jobs. When I meet up with them I feel so inferior and dread the job chat coming up. When you say you are getting past it I feel the same. Life is passing me by and what do I have to show for it? I also don’t own my house (and the house we rent is a shambles, I hate it but we can’t afford to move.) and I also don’t drive. At least you’ve had lessons and tried to drive, I am too scared to do even that!!

However. These are the things I do have. A warm (ish) roof over my head. Food on the table. A job. A wonderful DP. An amazing DS. I’m pregnant with our second DS. A PITA dog. DP drives so we have a family car.

Try to stay in your own lane and go at your own pace. Life isn’t a race or a competition. If you can be content with what you have I think that’s half the battle. And I will also try to take my own advice 🙂

1. what elements did you get wrong re drivers test. Go back and study that.

2. evenings free? Try taking a class. Open yourself up to new opportunities. You may find a new interest/career path. You still have lots of time and options.

All the best

What were you doing and what to you do now?

She became a professional liar

Don't worry, OP, I hear where you are coming from. Aged 30 I was earning a pretty meh salary for London and was getting bullied at work. Confidence shot to shit. My dearest friends were all earning great salaries and had prestigious jobs. I was genuinely happy for them but felt embarrassed by how little I had to show for myslef. Oh, and I couldn't drive.

About to turn 40 and have doubled my salary in a decade thanks to a sideways career move. Working in a rewarding, interesting and sort of low-key glamorous job in a well regarded company. I truly feel like I can hold my head up high, not because of how I compare to my friends or how my salary stacks up but because I finally feel like I'm living up to my potential.

A LOT can change in 10 years. 5 years even. New year coming, great time to sit with some of your feelings of unease and think about where YOU would really like to be in life. Get creative, do some brainstorming or vision boarding. Go on long walks in nature and be with your feelings. Little by little, the way forward will become clearer....

By the way, I still can't drive.

Planning to work on that once my toddler's sleep is less appalling.

Very best of luck to you, OP

I'm 41, single, learning to drive and living with my mum. I have just got a new job earning the princely sum of 31k.
But when I compare where I am now to where I was 5 years ago I'm pretty proud of myself and I'm sure you have reason to be proud too.

You're so young! I'm 52, divorced, don't and won't drive, rent a lovely little house and in the 6 years I've been with this company, my salary has increased by nearly 10k due to a couple of promotions. I'm not loaded by any means, but I have enough and am happy.