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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For being annoyed at my family ?

30 replies

lottie198 · 17/12/2022 13:20

It's my sons first birthday party Sunday, nothing big, just a little tea party at home. I've bought some food and a birthday cake etc.
my partners family are coming and my family are meant to be .. which includes my mum, dad, brother and his girlfriend, 2 cousins and their younger families, my auntie and my nan.
Every person has cancelled apart from my mum.
A couple have had colds last week and still getting over it but have been working. That's their excuse.
Another one said she didn't want to drive because of the weather ( the roads are fine where I live and there's no snow at all).
My brother said he couldn't come because his girlfriend had a cold at the start of the week and he's busy with work stuff.
My dad said he doesn't like social events so not coming.
One cousin can't come because the party is at 3pm and her 3 year old will have a danger nap in the car so therefore won't go to bed on time.
I just feel since Covid there is such a cancel culture.
We will have a good time regardless I'm sure. My partners family are very reliable and nobody has dropped out. Just a bit hurtful that nobody wants to bother I suppose.
AIBU?

OP posts:
Comedycook · 17/12/2022 13:21

That's shitty behaviour

girlmom21 · 17/12/2022 13:23

YANBU. That's shitty behaviour on their parts.

jackstini · 17/12/2022 13:23

YANBU - sorry, that's really crappy
Flakiness of the highest order

Do they all know the others have cancelled? (Family chat on WhatsApp or anything)

Flurbegurb · 17/12/2022 13:25

That's ridiculous. They sound so anti social ( coming from an anti social person) and really rude to cancel with bizarre excuses. Glad your partner's family are coming OP and hope you have a good time.

AuntieSoap · 17/12/2022 13:25

YANBU. Completely understandable that you're annoyed at them. It's just really flaky on their part.

MonteStory · 17/12/2022 13:26

These are all valid reasons, the issue is they’ve all come at once. It’s really disappointing for you. I probably would expect a bit more effort from family for a first birthday and I might gently communicate my disappointment. But ultimately no one is being unreasonable here.

Also that’s not what cancel culture means.

Toddlerteaplease · 17/12/2022 13:28

How big is your house to fit all those people in it?!

mrsDracoMalfoy · 17/12/2022 13:30

Just remember, although it doesn't feel like it, they're the ones who are missing out. Not you or your son. He will have a lovely time with those that truly care.

Original poster
lottie198 · 17/12/2022 13:31

jackstini · 17/12/2022 13:23

YANBU - sorry, that's really crappy
Flakiness of the highest order

Do they all know the others have cancelled? (Family chat on WhatsApp or anything)

Yes we are all on a family group chat so everyone can see that the others aren't coming. X

OP posts:
Original poster
lottie198 · 17/12/2022 13:32

Toddlerteaplease · 17/12/2022 13:28

How big is your house to fit all those people in it?!

It's not big but the lounge is fairly spacious. It's a 3 bed semi

OP posts:
SparkyBlue · 17/12/2022 13:35

That's awful OP I can understand you being annoyed

buckeejit · 17/12/2022 13:42

Are you sure there isn't another reason-that you've annoyed them somehow? If not, that's completely rubbish especially since they can see each other's rubbish excuses.

Mostmarriedcouple · 17/12/2022 13:43

The dads excuse is the worst 😩

Jellyjam36 · 17/12/2022 13:48

Having just had a horrific cold bug with ongoing cough, the people who are genuinely ill are doing you a favour not coming.
The danger nap one and your dad are being rude and unfair.

panko · 17/12/2022 13:51

A couple have had colds last week and still getting over it but have been working. That's their excuse. yeah so now they want a rest seems fair enough.

Another one said she didn't want to drive because of the weather ( the roads are fine where I live and there's no snow at all). I can't comment as don't know the roads.

My brother said he couldn't come because his girlfriend onhad a cold at the start of the week and he's busy with work stuff. weird mentioning the cold! The work stuff fair enough.

My dad said he doesn't like social events so not coming. fair enough at least he's honest.

One cousin can't come because the party is at 3pm and her 3 year old will have a danger nap in the car so therefore won't go to bed on time. do you have older children or is the 1 year old your first? If not I think when your 1 year old is 3 you may have more sympathy with this one!!!

hobbledyhoy · 17/12/2022 13:51

That's pretty shitty behaviour but predictably people do this close to Xmas, my birthday is close to Xmas day so I can relate!
why don't you go out for the day instead, even if it's the park or to get a nice slice of cake or a day trip? Something that feels a wee bit special
It's them that are missing out and if they ask you can say that you decided to focus on some quality family time.
I'm sure your DS will have a lovely day with you, DH and your mum.

olympicsrock · 17/12/2022 13:59

MonteStory · 17/12/2022 13:26

These are all valid reasons, the issue is they’ve all come at once. It’s really disappointing for you. I probably would expect a bit more effort from family for a first birthday and I might gently communicate my disappointment. But ultimately no one is being unreasonable here.

Also that’s not what cancel culture means.

They are not valid reasons in my book.
Father doesn’t like social events - crap . This is a small family do
Cousin whose 3 year old might nap - pathetic , need to be more flexible.
The one who doesn’t like the weather - poor.
Brother - sounds like he can’t decide which excuse to use ( girlfriend’s cold or work stuff) . Sounds like you are just not a priority.

This is just flaky crap! Ignore , but remember next time they want something.

Original poster
lottie198 · 17/12/2022 14:42

buckeejit · 17/12/2022 13:42

Are you sure there isn't another reason-that you've annoyed them somehow? If not, that's completely rubbish especially since they can see each other's rubbish excuses.

Nope definitely not. We all have a good relationship with each other. Even saw my brother last Sunday for a meal.

OP posts:
Original poster
lottie198 · 17/12/2022 14:43

panko · 17/12/2022 13:51

A couple have had colds last week and still getting over it but have been working. That's their excuse. yeah so now they want a rest seems fair enough.

Another one said she didn't want to drive because of the weather ( the roads are fine where I live and there's no snow at all). I can't comment as don't know the roads.

My brother said he couldn't come because his girlfriend onhad a cold at the start of the week and he's busy with work stuff. weird mentioning the cold! The work stuff fair enough.

My dad said he doesn't like social events so not coming. fair enough at least he's honest.

One cousin can't come because the party is at 3pm and her 3 year old will have a danger nap in the car so therefore won't go to bed on time. do you have older children or is the 1 year old your first? If not I think when your 1 year old is 3 you may have more sympathy with this one!!!

Sounds like you'd be one to cancel on social event easily too then.
No I don't have a 3 year old but I have a baby who has napped in the car numerous times that has resulted in an 11pm bedtime. That's life, we can't always stick to a rigid routine.

OP posts:
2winterkids · 17/12/2022 14:44

World Cup final kick off is at 3pm on Sunday. Any chance people don't want to miss that?

panko · 17/12/2022 14:46

lottie198 · 17/12/2022 14:43

Sounds like you'd be one to cancel on social event easily too then.
No I don't have a 3 year old but I have a baby who has napped in the car numerous times that has resulted in an 11pm bedtime. That's life, we can't always stick to a rigid routine.

Show quote history

Nope I wouldn't agree to go in the first place if I had something else on. The only thing that is unforseen in the above is the illness.

Hankunamatata · 17/12/2022 14:48

Do your family have to travel fother to get to you?

Iwantmyoldnameback · 17/12/2022 14:50

Did your father say he was coming? That and the baby napping one are the strangest in my opinion.

PeskyRooks · 17/12/2022 14:51

I immediately thought World cup final.

If not that then just selfish people who can't be arsed.

At least your son won't really care.

jackstini · 17/12/2022 15:27

That's even more rubbish that they can all see on the family chat they are letting you down

Take a pic of the cake and all the food and post it 'wondering what to do with this lot...'

I'd be pissed off too OP