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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

What would you do? Friendship deteriorated

16 replies

TheCheshirecatx · 17/12/2022 04:30

To cut a long story short my ex friend is godmother to my 5 year old ds. I often message her to ask how she is or to have a catch up and she often doesn’t reply for weeks or has an excuse why she cannot this has been ongoing for a good few years now. The friendship has drifted apart. She will send Xmas and birthday presents to ds but doesn’t make much more effort than that. However although she’s hard to reach out to she will sometimes randomly message me kicking off at me for spending time with another friend. There’s been other incidents over the years to similar e.g. not liking me spending time with other friends even those she spends time with other friends while ignoring me. She did this most recently a few weeks ago and I said enough was enough. She then messaged to ask to take my 5 year old son out even though she’s not bothered with him much for years and I said I didn’t feel comfortable after everything that had gone on and she thinks that I’m disgusting. Do you think it’s wrong to stop ds from seeing his godmother after the relationship has deteriorated? To top it off she got her dad to message us threatening to attack my husband because I won’t just put up with her crap anymore. My ex friend is in her late 20s.

OP posts:
hellswelshy · 17/12/2022 04:49

Stick to your guns, don't allow her access to your son. It's not wrong to 'stop' your ds seeing his godmother as it sounds like she has no relationship with her anyway? She sounds very immature and isn't a friend. Ignore any messages as she seems to be looking for a row - don't engage.

PinkPrettyAndPointed · 17/12/2022 05:01

No way would she be going anywhere near my DC.

She got her dad to message you? Ffs, that's bonkers.

lobsterkiller · 17/12/2022 05:02

You don't want anyone around your child who gets their dad to threaten your family.

Just ignore and move on, she doesn't get to decide when she dips in and out of your lives, might be best not to accept anymore gifts though.

FlamingJingleBells · 17/12/2022 05:30

Report her dad to the police & mention that they're threatening you for access to your son. That should put the frighteners on that stupid dad of hers. Why do they want access to your son, are they paedophiles? Ensure that you block her everywhere online and on your phone.

mrsbitaly · 17/12/2022 05:44

I would have said I think it may a good way to start forming a better friendship if you allowed her to take her godson out until the bit where she got her dad to threaten you all. That would be the end of a friendship for me to be honest.

hattie43 · 17/12/2022 06:09

I don't think you need someone like this in your families life

euff · 17/12/2022 06:33

I'd be no contact now at the minimum after the threats. There is no way in hell this woman would be taking my DC out alone especially at only 5.

TheCheshirecatx · 17/12/2022 06:37

We have reported them to the police. She’s tried to guilt trip me saying I’m disgusting for now not letting her take DS out and guilt tripping me saying it’s one of the few things that keeps her going.

OP posts:
LBFseBrom · 17/12/2022 06:43

This sounds extremely odd. How does your 'friend' know you are seeing other friends and if she doesn't bother with you very often, why would she object?

Strugglingtodomybest · 17/12/2022 06:44

Let her say what she wants! But why on earth would you be letting your son go out with the person that has threatened your family badly enough that you've called the police?

RegularNameChangerVersion21 · 17/12/2022 06:47

She sounds unhinged. I'd block her and any family members she gets involved. Of course you don't want your child around her! Just don't engage and move on.

TheCheshirecatx · 17/12/2022 07:00

LBFseBrom · 17/12/2022 06:43

This sounds extremely odd. How does your 'friend' know you are seeing other friends and if she doesn't bother with you very often, why would she object?

If she sees it on social media. Then she will message me having a go at me that I don’t spend time with her even though I have tried numerous times.

OP posts:
LBFseBrom · 17/12/2022 07:08

It always amazes me that people go so public with their social and personal lives, much of which is trivia. I'd hate that, it's pointless and obviously leads to problems in some areas. Far better to be anonymous.

However you are best out of this damaged relationship. It's a shame but that's how it is so move on. Your ex friend does seem an odd character to have chosen as a godparent for your child, which is a big responsibility. Presumably she wasn't so needy and unhinged back then.

quinceh · 17/12/2022 07:12

I think the godmother thing is pretty meaningless in this context. If this is an ex-friend (for reasons that seem quite legit) it’s best that she’s out of all your lives. The threats from her dad seem a concrete enough reason for you to block her on on SM.

Pictograph · 17/12/2022 07:16

End the friendship and definitely don't let her take your son out for the day. Don't worry about the godmother thing - it's quite common IME to lose touch with your godparents.

DowntonCrabby · 17/12/2022 07:17

Goodness! I’d be reporting that threat to the police.

You’re the disgusting one?! She’s batshit and not remotely the type of person you’d want around your DC.

Block on everything, invest in the other friendships and report the threatening message.

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