AIBU to be a little upset with the MIL?

[MamaBear65]

I write this knowing I am rather sleep deprived and anxious… so probably being a little over sensitive here but…

DD is 6.5 months old and she has a nasty virus that is running a high fever and has been for the last 5 days. I’m up round the clock trying to keep DD comfortable whilst it runs it’s course so I’m feeling a little frazzled and just downright desperate for the LO to be better!

Im not super close with MIL but we have a nice relationship and as a family we spend time together each month even if it’s just popping by for a coffee on the weekend. MIL knows that DD is unwell - DH mentioned being in a and e with her the other day and also via text yesterday…

On neither of these occasions did MIL ask how DD was doing now. Additionally MIL text this morning to ask about some sort of Christmas arrangement with the food …. But still never enquired about how DD was doing.

AIBU to be a little irritated with MIL for not enquiring about how DD is?

As you said you don’t know her well. Perhaps she’s getting her updates from your DP and wants to help you by taking your mind off it. What does your DP think?

I mentioned it to DP tonight and he hadn’t noticed but did say she hadn’t said anything to him either.

I suppose I’m comparing it to my mother who probably over reacts the other way by none stop calling for updates 🫣

Had your DP possibly told her your mum is constantly calling? She may just be trying not to overstep?

Still weird not to mention even once though.

YABU I think. Babies and young children get viruses - running a high fever doesn't mean it's nasty. Just means the body is doing the right thing in response to infection. Would be nice if she asked but not something I'd be annoyed about. Life's too short.

I get how scary it is for a parent though, especially if this is your first and she's not been unwell before. Hope she feels much better soon!

I'm the opposite to you. My little one has strep throat, GP referred her to A&E, and my MIL has been messaging lots asking for updates even though she's on the mend now and clearly fine - and it is tiring replying when you're really busy. On my birthday I got 'happy birthday how is she doing?' which annoyed me a tiny bit as she knows she's better now, and the ones struggling after wft and days of no sleep are the parents, but I'm not taking it seriously of course as no harm is meant.

My MIL has not seen DD since she was 1week old, over 6months ago. We live within the same Borough.

So I can empathise with having parent that doesn't seem concerned about their grandchild.

Just focus on your child I'd say.

YANBU. I would feel hurt too that she hadn't asked, it would make me feel like she didn't care. She's probably just assumed that DD is better if none of you have mentioned it. I wouldn't take it personal if she's a nice person overall. I get why it's upset you though. 100%

Thank you for the good wishes for DD and for the words of advice on the virus front. It is her first virus although not my first child… DD1 is in reception and bringing home all the germs. I guess I had just forgotten - or perhaps not appreciated - how much longer it takes an infant to get over a virus that DD1 doesn’t even react to anymore.

Im currently sleeping (or not! Ha) on the couch downstairs so I can tend to DD2 without disturbing DD1 and DP. I’m a totally over anxious mother though as I can’t sleep for listening for her being sick (temp keeps spiking and then making her vomit!) praying for it to settle soon… Dr said it can take 5-11 days! Yuuggghhhh.

I just find it a little odd that MIL doesn’t even ask at all. It’s entirely possible she knows how my mother is, but would have thought she might have asked once.

but you are right - life is too short! There is plenty worse to be worried about - I think I am deflecting my health anxiety with this fever onto something else!

@Unsureofitall thank you!

My 9mo is on his 4th cold since Sept now (damn baby classes 😅). I have mentioned it in passing to relatives but have only realised that none of them have checked up on him upon reading your post.

I honestly wouldn't overthink it, it's cold season and babies seem to catch (and then get over) something every few weeks. It's obviously nice for people to check in, but I don't think it's a sign that they don't care if they don't.

I agree with @Unsureofitall

She is maybe of the 'no news is good news' school of thought.

My mother was like this with both of my children. Her total uninterest was obvious.
Does she have a relationship with your order daughter?

She does have a really nice relationship with my eldest. When we go round to their house or they come to ours, DD1 loves seeing her Nan and vice versa. I think MIL would love to see her more often but I think it’s one of those things when children are in school. Having said that,
MIL also doesn’t enquire or ask anything about DD1 either … I just haven’t noticed it until now when I’m smarting about not being asked about DD2.

(I am smarting less this morning - everything feels worse in the middle of the night!)

I love mumsnet for the discussions and support at all hours of the day and night :)

I agree with @CleopatrasBeautifulNose re the 'no news is good news' - my parents have a similar approach, always have!

Hope DD2 feeling better soon x

@MamaBear65 as she has a nice relationship with your older child I'd be inclined to let this go.

I'm a gran and find that a bit odd but friends my age are a bit forgetful and seem to live in their world. Maybe she is like this?
Hope your baby recovers soon.

Unless my kids were seriously ill, I would not expect my mil or my dm to check in on my kids health. Kids gets colds/virus all the time and not something my family need to be informed of at every stage unless I needed their help (they would be there in a second if I needed them). If your daughter was off school with a cold would you expect to update your in-laws with every improvement? Would you get annoyed if they are constantly asking for updates?