To be annoyed at this

[Yorkyh]

Hello,

This may come across petty but after the reaction from my partner I’d love to know if I’m in the wrong here. Partners Xmas do tonight, meal and few drinks after. Asked me several times in week if I’d pick him up (hour round trip) said of course, we discussed how taxis would be busy tonight and the roads are bad with the weather. This morning I said to him keep me updated, give me a heads up as I’ll de ice the car and come get you. He said yeah it’ll be around 9ish but I’ll keep you in the loop. Not really bothered what time it was as long as I know what’s going on. Last I heard was early afternoon, till I get a call at 10.45 saying I don’t need you in staying out. Now unbeknown to him I’ve had to since turn down a plan tonight as I’ve promised this lift, but this is not the point as I’ve wasted the whole night waiting to go out to get him.

he says I’ve come up with a cock and bollock excuse and made it clear he only might need be not definitely need me but his attitude and lack of consideration has hurt me. Bear in mind at my Xmas do last week I told him I’d get a taxi home no matter what as I couldn’t promise a time to pick him up as not to waste my evening.

have I lost the plot or not?

I'd be really annoyed, too. It's just basic consideration.

I'd be pissed off too. Actually, I am currently pissed off as my DP is on his Xmas do tonight and I said I would collect him if needed, he said he'd let me know when he got there as to how he was getting home... no word yet so I don't know if I should go to bed or not

You asked him to keep you in the loop, he's hasn't really done that...just...kept you waiting.....bit of a dick move really.

Yeah I’m pretty relaxed over things like this but I think he’s been quite inconsiderate and I would be annoyed. I wouldn’t make a huge deal over at as i think he’s been thoughtless rather than deliberately selfish but definitely tell him you turned down plans and waited around all night.

I’d be going to bed if I was you! After 11pm with no reply is a bit too long but I know it’s easier said than done if you worry they can’t get back

Yep completely agree, there’s much worse things he could have done let’s be honest but it’s just a pain. Happy he’s out enjoying himself as he doesn’t do it much but just don’t do it at the detriment to others

Yeah agree not great!

I wouldn't have expected him to come home at 9 realistically. He's got drinking and having a good time

I would be mildly irritated but not exactly unexpected what Christmas di finishes by 9?

It’s a bit annoying if you turned down other plans so you could give him a lift, but you said he didn’t know that? He probably thinks he’s done you a favour saying he now doesn’t need the lift, saving you going out in the cold!

Surprised at rhe first few answers, he’s had a few and decided to stay out, I think this is ok, it happens.

Not bothered about that at all good to see he’s having fun, just he’s asked several times this week for a lift so I thought he was worried about being stuck or something!

No neither did I to be honest so wasn’t fussed about the time! I went out last week and it took an hour to get a taxi so just assumed he was a bit put off by my experience etc it was more the argument I was a bit shocked at

I think that while he should have actually communicated with you earlier, you, by saying ‘keep me in the loop’ and not, for instance, asking whether he still needed a lift when you were asked out (assuming you wanted to go), you weren’t communicating well yourself, and we’re giving the impression you were happy to be at his beck and call for the night. If you had an invitation you wanted to accept, I’d have accepted.

I don't think that you should have martyred yourself promising a lift. You've expected him to take into account that you turned down plans/wasted the evening, when he didn't know that. As said, he's probably thinking that he's saved you a job. His rare night out has had a dampener put on because you made an unasked for and unknown sacrifice. You need to let it go.

I couldn't even bat an eyelid at this, I really wouldn't be bothered. I'd just think great, I don't need to go out in the cold now. He didn't know you've turned down any plans and to be honest, if you did want to do something, you could have invited that friend to yours, or said yes I'm free until around 9pm-ish, so you didn't have to miss out on plans.

He's had a drink, got merry, and wants to enjoy the rest of the evening and has stood you down so you're not waiting all evening.

I agree with @Ponoka7 and @TokenGinger .
If I'd offered a lift, then found out I didn't need to go out in the cold after all, I'd be thinking "great" and putting my PJs on and getting into bed.

I genuinely can't see why anyone would be upset at this.

If you choose to martyr yourself and turn down other offers (but not mention to him) that's hardly his fault.

I see why your annoyed but from his perspective he probably thought he had made your life easier by not asking you to come.