Child’s party

[Buttonmoonmrspoon]

Two children aged 5 and 12. 5 year old’s birthday is in February. He wants to do an activity where it’s a set number of people allowed.

Would you include the 12 year old in that group?

Partner and I have different opinions. One of us feels that the 5 year old should get to do the activity with their friends and then have the party bit with the 12 year old present for the food and games, helping out, responsibility such as doing the music and games (this is what the 12 year old wants). Just like if it were the 12 year old’s party the 5 year old would be present but not joining in the activity with a load of 12 year olds and cramping their style.

The other of us feels that the 12 year old shouldn’t be “excluded” and should join in with everything, and vice versa when it’s the 12 year old’s party the 5 year old gets to join in everything.

I appreciate there’s not really a right and wrong, but just intrigued as to what others think.

Ask the 12 year old. He may not want to do an activity with a bunch of 4&5 year olds

Depends if appropriate- and I could afford it.
eg. Soft play- no 12 yr old would get much from that
trampoline park- if I could afford it id have the 12 yr old and a friend of theirs there

I don’t think a 5yr old has a better time because their siblings excluded

Surely a 12yo won’t be interested in partying with a load of 5yos? And the 5yo certainly won’t be able to join in with the 12yos birthday activities, and will just get in the way?

I'd probably have the 12 year old about and maybe helping out a bit, but probably not included in the main activity (depending what it is!). Would a 12 year old even want to go to a 5 year olds party?

If it's maximum numbers that are the issue, could you pay for 12 year old and a friend separately on the day instead of including them as guests?

Does the 12 year old want to join in? And do they want a 5 year old joining in with their party? Does having a 5 year old joining in with everything at the 12 year old's party limit the activities?

Exactly this.

Surely you have a separate family celebration from the kid's birthday party?

It's ridiculous to force a 12 year old to have a 5 year old at their birthday party. It would massively limit what activity they could do and at that age they want some independence with their friends not their parents and baby siblings hanging around.

As you've said the 12 year old isn't interested in the 5 year old birthday activity just have them there for food and cake but not taking up a space which could be one of the 5 year olds actual friends.

Blimey you’re overthinking this. Have a party for the five year old, and let the older child decide whether or not to join in, it’ll probably be a no. When you have a party for the older child surely you’ll still have to look after the five year old anyway.

Is one of the kids a step?

Do you have parties for the 12 yo every year?

The key bit here is that you've already said what the 12 year old wants.

Go with that.

Makes sense to exclude 12yo. It means they can do something more grown up next time and exclude the 5yo

The 12 year old doesn’t want to join in other than to help with some organising etc.

Good point about the 12 year old bringing a friend, thanks for that.

Not a ‘party’ as such for 12 year old - more like an activity with some friends.

No, both kids full siblings.

There is too much of an age group, it wouldn't be appropriate to include them both all the time

I agree the age gap is too big. Each gets to do their party activity with their similarly aged friends. The 12 year old can help organise etc and invite a friend if they want.

Am I right in thinking they are siblings? I think their ages are too different to include them in each other’s party. Nether is missing out as they will each have their own party. I doubt a 12 year old is interested in soft play ect and the 12 year old won’t want young sibling with their friends even if the activity is age appropriate for both.

I think the 12 year old helping is fine but he doesn’t need to join in the whole party.

ds6 birthday is this weekend we booked a trampoline park, set numbers and stupidly pricey. Dd8 is included fully and is bringing one friend. 2x Teen siblings are not invited and will just be involved in the family party afterwards.

The 12 year old doesn’t want to join in other than to help with some organising etc.

Well that's the answer then isn't it? You can't force as 12 year old to join in the 5 year old activities if he doesn't want to.

Why force him? He sounds like he’s got the best solution himself.

The 12 year old doesn’t want to join in

That surely answers the question?

Yes, I’m the one who thinks they should be separate and the 12 year old is happy helping out so leave it at that. I don’t see it as an issue - they both have celebrations on their birthdays, and due to the age gap it’s appropriate to not be involved.

I also think using the word 'exclude' is silly here since neither child probably wants to be involved in the activity for their sibling and siblings friends. They're not being excluded at all. I think forcing siblings to do everything together and depriving them of their own time with their friends is more likely to cause friction and resentment. THey'll celebrate each other birthdays at home with family gifts and cake anyway. Let them have their own time with friends.

Since the 12 yo has already said they don't want to participate in the activity and is happy to be helping it would be crazy to force them to take part. Sounds like both kids are happy with the arrangement.