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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want them playing/hugging

11 replies

SheetOfIce · 16/12/2022 20:08

My daughter is 3 and her sister (DHs older child) is 9.

She is due with us tomorrow night until next Wednesday. Earlier today DSD text DH to say she's not well, felt sweaty, had a headache along with a chesty sounding cough and felt sick.

Ideally I'd have preferred DSD to stay at his mum's but appreciate that's probably unreasonable, so she's coming as normal for now, but I have said to DH I'd prefer it if she and DD were kept away from each other somewhat, so basically not playing, hugging, play fighting with one another type thing.

In practice this shouldn't even be that difficult seen as I have plans with DD this weekend with my friend and then she's in nursery all week next week anyway.

The only difficulty is the evenings. They do get on so well and she's great with her, they cuddle a lot and play together etc often when she's here. I'd prefer it if we asked that they not do this just whilst she's so poorly (She's really not in a good way apparently). DH thinks I'm unreasonable.

Some background info... DD tends to really struggle when she's unwell and has been admitted to hospital on multiple occasions with things that to lots of others are mild illnesses. She doesn't do well at all a lot of the time when she's poorly so I'd like to avoid any illness if possible. I appreciate I can't do this totally and I don't try to completely avoid everything but this seems like something we could POTENTIALLY prevent by limiting contact if we can.

So what say you MN? I know there is potential for DH to get it anyway and then pass to us blah blah but IF we can even potentially prevent her getting ill I'd like to. And yes I'd feel the same if it were my own child and not DSD!

OP posts:
Flurbegurb · 16/12/2022 20:10

Surely if she's that ill she won't be play fighting etc?

SheetOfIce · 16/12/2022 20:11

Flurbegurb · 16/12/2022 20:10

Surely if she's that ill she won't be play fighting etc?

Maybe not but she often asks for cuddles and stuff with DD. Was just thinking we could say not when she's poorly.

OP posts:
Luredbyapomegranate · 16/12/2022 20:18

If your DD has been in Hospt a lot with infections recently (not just when she was a baby) then your SD aid possible should stay at her mums till she’s better. I would be very firm about this, unless there’s a really good reason why not. You don’t want a sick toddler over Christmas

ScarlettOHaraHamiltonKennedyButler · 16/12/2022 20:18

I don't think you are being unreasonable. I try to keep my DC apart when one is ill (not just a cold but flu type things, sick bugs etc.) it makes sense to not want things to spread.

A 9 year old should understand and not be offended as long as you handle it kindly.

Ginsloth · 16/12/2022 20:20

You’re absolutely unreasonable. If she were your daughter, and not your step daughter, you wouldn’t be expecting her to keep a distance from her sister.

Sceptre86 · 16/12/2022 20:43

I'd say it's fine to ask older sister not to cuddle or kiss the baby sister and explain why. How are you going to stop your lo from going over to her big sister though? My baby recently had hfm and I asked her big brother and sister not to kiss or cuddle her. They didn't do so of their own accord but if my baby went up to them with hands out they didn't refuse her. It's hard to keep sibling apart.

Daffodilsinbloom37 · 16/12/2022 20:46

Ginsloth · 16/12/2022 20:20

You’re absolutely unreasonable. If she were your daughter, and not your step daughter, you wouldn’t be expecting her to keep a distance from her sister.

I try to when either of mine have sick bugs (my DD is particularly prone to them). Touch wood in the four we have experienced this year (two apiece!), neither of them have caught it from the other.

JoyBeorge · 16/12/2022 20:50

Honestly you can't stop children spreading things to eachother. They get unwell. It happens. If it isn't DSD it will be someone else. You can't live in fear of germs like this. .

TimeToFlyNow · 16/12/2022 20:55

She's 3, it won't be long until she's at nursery/school and you won't be able to stop the spread of germs then. If she's really not feeling great then it's OK to say no hugging while you are ill but it would be unreasonable to keep her away totally

Unless she's really poorly

cherish123 · 23/01/2023 17:12

Fine to keep them apart but YABU to expect her to stay away from her own home!

purpleboy · 23/01/2023 17:58

Bloody hell @cherish123 this thread is from December!!
Check the dates before posting!!

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