Inappropriate touching in primary school

[WhaleTanker]

If a boy (9) has been doing this, one child discloses to parent, parent reports it, school interviews a whole list of girls (yours among them), finds it has been happening to your girl over a sustained period, speaks with your girl about it, gives the group of girls a counselling session at break time....

Would you expect to be informed, as a parent?

Or would you expect to be sent on your jolly way for a lovely Christams break, and have a tearful DD9 tell you this evening about the investigation and counselling that took place at school all week?

Thank you. The boy is from a troubled background and the family known to authorities.

Doesn't change the fact that I haven't been told something that deeply affects my child.

The school policy which I have now read says "parents should normally be informed" but doesn't say when. It also says if it is a police matter, then parents should not be informed until the police has ok-ed it.

So am I to expect the police to come knocking?

School policy says that's sexual assault should be reported, even if the perpetrator is under 10.

I would ring the police in the first instance, your daughter has been assaulted.

Ring the following:

LADO
OFSTED

Email:

Safeguarding Lead of school. They'll be checking their emails.

Chair of governors

If still no reply from school then if they're a church school try diocese type person involved with school.

You don't have to disclose personal details but insist a meeting with headteacher, safeguarding lead and a LA representative.

Contact the police and social services.

No the police are unlikely to come knocking due to his age.

Unfortunately due to what has happened to kids of friends of mine and what some of my family and friends do - his behaviour is not rare.

that is a concern to ALL involved

You really should contact SS, it sounds like this has been handled very badly and despite my worry for the children affected, I also think the perpetrator could be in serious need of help.

Not necessarily. If OP’s DD in in Y5 and is 9yo but the boy is in Y5 but turned 10 then he’s not. 10 is the age of criminal responsibility.

As a PP said, I also used to be a teacher and I’d be going to the police. Not so much to report the child but to report the school who appear to have attempted to cover this up. Who made that decision and why? If the parents were not told and the students were given counselling (which has an indication of secrecy and confidentiality) then it looks to me like an active and intentional decision to prevent it being known that this took place. The motive could be criminal and should be investigated.

School DSL here (secondary though).

Inappropriate touching is not automatically sexual assault. Inappropriate touching requires education, risk assessing and possibly sanctions. Sexual assault requires police to be informed and then school take the lead from police.

If police are informed, the sharing of the incident often has to come via the police rather than school. They do that sharing in a managed way.

If you have multiple victims then school also have to consider harmful sexual behaviour, which adds another layer of complexity.

This is a type of incident that has to be taken on a case by case basis and using professional judgement of trained staff. There is no 'One Size Fits All' answer here. I would not go jumping to conclusions that the school acted unprofessionally just because their response is not visible to you.

If it was my child I would send a non-ranty email to the Head expressing concerned that your child has shared this information with you and asking school to clarify.

What the actual fuck? I would raise merry hell OP.

If your school email is office@blah blah blah then it’s likely the head’s email is head@ or headteacher@

I think it's shocking that the school knew and didn't tell you. Can schools even give counselling to primary age children over something like this without parental consent? DS couldn't even have someone in to observe him without my consent. It's just awful OP, your poor daughter. Be sure to tell her how proud you are of her for telling you, she must be so confused. How awful for her to be potentially left all holidays feeling unable to tell you trying to process al that. shocking situation, if the school have been trying to play it down for their own reputation then please kick up merry hell for the children's sake. Also please contact the other parents just in case their children haven't felt able to tell them. No one should be dealing with that alone.

@Eupraxia that is exactly what I have done, just asked the school for clarification and asked whether it is school policy not to tell the parents.

I don't see the point charging in all guns blazing, I just want a simple answer and some information, plus support on how to handle jointly.

What is bothering me is that my DD has had to make the disclosure twice, rather than once, and it's been so upsetting. She had been waiting for me to mention it, assuming the school had told me, and thought she was in trouble because I hadn't said anything to her about it.

Of course I gave her every reassurance possible, but it's hard without knowing more myself to understand what's going on.

Thanks to everyone who has posted. Very helpful.

Counselling may have been the wrong word. A group talk is probably a better way of putting it. It was led by a teacher, not a counsellor.

I would ring MASH first so you definitely have it on record. I wouldn’t trust School to do the right thing from what you have said.

That is absolutely appalling that you were not informed about this.
I wouldn't be angry, just level headed and assertive.
To be honest, I'd probably remove from the school but I'm aware that my opinion is biased because I homeschool now.
My reasons were my child was given a vaccination without my consent.
You are in charge, not the school.

Hi I'm so sorry this has happened for you and your daughter. I name changed as I don't want it linked. But I got abused in primary and secondary by same boy. All the onus was on him. I would call the police personally. You need to fight this and not back down. My parents weren't told..I had to deal with everything by myself. She has you 🙏

I can't quite believe what I'm reading, I'd be furious with the school about this. The link below is statutory guidance for schools on how to deal with child on child sexual violence or harassment. The document makes it clear that parents should be informed unless the school has good reason to believe that informing the parents would put a child at greater risk.

www.keepingchildrensafeineducation.co.uk/part_five_ch_sex_viol.html

You probably want to deal with this asap but the delay introduced by the holiday will give you time to gather information to protect you against being fobbed off by the school.

Inappropriate touching is not automatically sexual assault.

You may choose to refer to it as something else but inappropriate touching is absolutely sexual assault. A child cannot consent to sexual contact, it does not matter if the perpetrator is another child or the law treats it differently, it is still sexual assault.

You should have absolutely been informed because it concerns someone that you have legal and parental responsibility for and you should have been given the option to decline their 'support'.

Having dealt with something similar myself today, I was told they use the Brooks RAG tool and use it to assess each case on its own merit.

That being said, my child's school kept me in the loop (I reported the concern myself though and I chucked in that I'm an ADSL).

I would get a timeline of facts and contact OFSTED, the academy trust (if applicable) and the LEA.

On the flip side, while working in a secondary school where 2 rapes were alleged, in both cases, both victims and perpetrators were allowed to stay in school as it was innocent until proven guilty. The school could only recommend moving or home schooling.

Send your email to the head teacher directly. Most heads have their email on the website. All the heads I've ever worked for check their emails in the holidays

i worked in education all my life and I am shocked by this. How dare they have this group talk and not inform you beforehand and immediately. To me this suggests that they have something to hide.

Offsted, police, LEA. Do it asap

Police, SS, LEA. Former teacher and I’d go nuclear.

I would seek advice from social services/ police on the basis that you only have dd's account that the staff are aware and dealing with it. The school have not responded and you need to know how to help her manage her feelings.

I am gobsmacked by this. I would definitely email the head now and would expect an answer over the weekend, Christmas break or not. Like others have said the head's email will most likely be generic [email protected], or comb the school website for it. I don't know the ins and outs of the steps to take for this kind of thing, but I just cannot believe that keeping relevant parents out of the loop is correct procedure. Good luck OP, hope you get some answers in the coming days, and that your DD is ok.