Please please please

[helphelphelpj]

I've posted loads before under different names. Left my abuser in August, it's been dreadful ever since. Smashed car, threats from drug dealers, harassment, accusations, police visits etc. I recently changed my number and am 7 days no contact (I only broke last time because I reacted to something through fear).

Tonight I've received an email from him, he's convinced himself I was sleeping with a married man and he's now threatening me saying he's going to "open a can of worms" etc. I've been in a dreadful state of anxiety since I received it two hours ago. I'd normally go to my mum or dads but they don't want me as I'm not very well. I've tried breathing exercises on YouTube, but I'm lay in the dark (scared, listening in case he comes to my house) and I really really need some virtual support.

The last 4 months have broken me but right now I feel so alone and scared and I just need some people to talk to. Tell me how I can calm down. Please please keep me company. I'm not the person I used to be

You need to keep a log of everything and contact the police.

im sorry you’re going through this OP.

How are you feeling today OP? Hope you slept ok

Have you reported this? Please report it, it's harassment and he's threatening you. Log absolutely everything as it helps build a case.

So sorry you're dealing with this

Hello again guys,

I've driven a few hours away from home and I've checked into a hotel for the night. It's crap that I have had to do that, and I feel very sad about it, but at least I can feel safe for a night. I've had pizza and I'm tucked up in my pyjamas watching tv, what are you all doing? Xx

Had an early dinner and watching tv. Just seen your thread. Hopefully you'll get a good nights sleep.

So sorry you're having to go through this.

I recently supported my friend through this and I rang the police and asked them to put an alert on her address, this means if the police are called to her address they send officers round immediately. Could you do this? At least that way if you need to call them you don't have to explain everything first

Did they do this? That sounds like it would give me a little more peace of mind. How is your friend doing now? Does it get easier? X

Hi @helphelphelpj I'm sat on the couch with my lovely bundle of fur. Were you able to take your cats with you? What is your plan for tomorrow?

I didn't take my cats, they're very sassy and don't like leaving the house! I'm going to drive the 3 hours back home in the morning and stay at my mum's, but I'll pop in and feed the cats on the way. Thinking about it, I needn't have driven quite so far... 😳

@helphelphelpj Oh I hear you, my boy hates leaving the house so I don't put us both through the stress of it!

I'm sure you felt safer and more comfortable being 3 hours away xx

Yes the police can put a flag on your address.
Have you spoken to the police at all or reported any of the incidents? Have you spoken to a DV advisor? Have a google for services near you or speak to womens aid. You do not need to put up with this and there is protection that can be offered to you.

Hi @hehelphelphelpj glad to hear you're ok x

Its a short term solution that Sounds mad but : have a cold shower. There's lots of research that this helps anxiety and I have done it myself many times. I like to have it on nice and hot and you can either turn it gradually down to cool / cold, I prefer to turn it totally down to cold quickly and see how long I can stand it before turning it up to hot again. It honestly works wonders for a quick fix when anxious.

Yeah they did it immediately and it's worked really well.
She'd moved out but she's now back in her house and she has a court order which states he isn't allowed to enter the property. I wrote the witness statement for her, and the one thing I would advise is a diary, keep a log of every bit of contact he attempts, whether it be direct or through a third party.

This will not last forever, you're being so strong x

He's sent threats etc to my friend tonight, as he warned a girl (I think he was seeing her) about how dangerous he is, and now he is sending my friend awful awful messages. I really cannot take anymore