My mother had an affair with my father’s best friend

[Ivybutterfly]

When I was 11/12 my mother had an affair with my father’s best friend. I’m the only person in the family who knows. Two decades later I am still finding it hard to forgive her. We have never really talked about it or discussed it. She would take me with her to his house and disappear upstairs while I watched cartoons downstairs. Sometimes I wasn’t sent to school and we’d go round. She also let him kiss me on the mouth once, and would kiss him when my father was around. This has had a terrible effect on me and I find it hard to get over it.

Hi OP, I've never come across someone that has gone through something so similar to me before.

My mum cheated with my dad's friend and used to take me and my sisters on all sorts of 'family' days out without my dad. It was fucked up and I get angry if I think about it.

I did dob my mum in at the time. My dad asked me if there was something going on and I told him. My parents stayed together but my mum clearly disliked me after that and treated me differently to my siblings.

It's awful that you were put through all of that but there is no point in confronting your mother. She didn't give a damn about your mental well-being or your feelings as a child, what makes you think she will care now? These types of people are selfish and delude themselves that they were justified in their immoral choices.

I stay in contact with my mum as I want to continue to have a relationship with my dad. It is a complicated dynamic though and I will always feel like the black sheep.

It's unfair but it is something that you will likely need to deal with in your own way. You are unlikely to find a remorseful or guilt-ridden acknowledgement in your mother. You know it was wrong and disgusting what she did to you, so keep her emotionally distanced and put your mental health first.

Thank you @WineCap Hugs to you. It’s tough xx