Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to feel disappointed in friends who make little effort

4 replies

busygirl8888 · 16/12/2022 15:42

Just that really: long-established friendship group but I realise I've somehow fallen into the role of 'the organiser' but I'm getting a bit tired of it now and annoyed that others won't step up. I've tried mentioning it and stepping back but it's fallen a bit flat and has got to the stage that unless I arrange or organise something it just doesn't happen. A common scenario is when someone in the group has a big birthday coming up and people start suggesting that we go away together etc: but then everything goes very quiet as if everyone is waiting for someone else to step up. While organising can be fun it can be a hassle too and you feel it's your fault if something doesn't go quite according to plan.

I appreciate that not everyone likes to host in their homes but it's really not so hard to arrange even a walk or trip to the pub. Also realise that others may not want to meet as often as I do but usually people are very quick to respond to invites and appear keen to come along to whatever it is: I get the impression they would be upset if not invited.

I know that people have hectic lives (I work full-time with two DC so am also busy!) but feel you make time for things you want to do and the complaint of being 'too busy' doesn't really hold up when the same people are finding the time to post copiously on Facebook!

I suppose I just feel a bit disappointed that life can feel very dull without nice outings/ parties etc to look forward to but clearly not everyone feels the same.
Equally I'm not that surprised to hear that levels of loneliness/isolation have increased but feel people sometimes need to make a little bit more effort rather than expecting others to take the lead all the time. Currently mulling over whether to host another new year's eve party this year as while friends seem keen to come, they rarely reciprocate. Anyone else feel like this?

OP posts:
Mary46 · 16/12/2022 15:53

Hi op yes agree. I got down about it last week to my friend. I said Im in a cycle of chasing people. Nobody wants put in efforts now. I joined new things and sure not much life in them either lol. Its just gone stale and they long friendships. My cousin is busy busy busy. I just gave up on it!

elQuintoConyo · 16/12/2022 16:01

Post-covid, I think.

I'm better at small groups of three or 1-2-1, a group of 4 or 5+ is very difficult to organise.

On top of that, it's the most expensive time of the year for everyone, and perhaps busiest. I know I'll be run off my feet until about 8pm Christmas eve, and I'm broke as fuck. Between close friends we're all very honest and if someone is broke we'll do something cheaper or a house visit. For example 24th we're meeting in a neutral place for a BBQ, rather than booking a restaurant at €50+ a head.

Or you could have a friendship group that's rather run its course... I've experienced plenty of that over the years.

StripeyDeckchair · 16/12/2022 16:15

I used to host a New Year's eve party every year.
Then I was ill and it was too much for me.
Various attendees asked about the party and seemed sad it wasn't going ahead. I was v clear that I would be up for going to a NY party but organising and hosting was beyond me

Not one of them stepped up to offer some alternative

Never organised one since - too many taking and no support.

Twilightstarbright · 16/12/2022 16:40

I had this. I took a step back, and I also ended up making other friends who don’t let the burden of organising always fall to me.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page