Does it matter - not gelled with any of the parents from reception class

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Eldest started reception in Sept. Today is last day of term and was thinking of suggesting a park play after school as school finishes early. But been mulling over the fact that I just havent gelled with any of the parents. Thats not really what I mind but was thinking that we just wouldnt say take kids out on joint outings or anything. Somehow I expected to have met more people who I could see myself spending time with alongside the kids or to organise an outing to somewhere. Kids are still too little to do things without the parents. Did others gel with parents from their kids' school? Was I being unrealistic in the first place? Did it impact on your kids' social lives?

It depends. Despite all my best efforts I didn't really get to know any parents in my DS's year. In DD's year I got to know loads.

If you want friends for you, I'd just look elsewhere. If you want another child to play with your DC, then just suggest it. Then either the parent will just send their DC (plenty of Reception parents will be fine with this!) or will come along too, and maybe you can get to know them better.

Is the play park near the school so it's likely others will go there? I found hanging about in the park next to school was a good way to talk to other parents. I think a lot of parents just want to get in and out of the school playground and don't want to bother with chat.

This is the worst time for friendships. In a year or so, your DC will be very sure who they are friends with and you will, perforce have to make at least a small talk level friendship with their parents.

The only time I think knowing other parents is a help is when you need last minute favours - running late for pickup, or need someone to look after your child because you have an appointment (obviously you would help out in return!). So it's worth continuing to be friendly so others at least know who you are!

It happens. Id concentrate on msking commections with the parents of your childs friends.

I didn't gel with any really and after reception he went to after school club so I rarely saw them. Once the kids have their own little mates you'll end up inviting them places regardless of how you feel about their parents.

Currently have a child in tear 5.I'm only up the school for 1 pick up and 1 drop off a week due to work. You don't have to make friends with other parents just because they are there. If your child makes a friends they no doubt you will speak to the parent of that chd at some point.

Just because it hasn't happened before Christmas doesn't mean it won't. Its only actually been 12 weeks.

I think it happens once you have spent a year seeing the same faces at parties and chatting-so more towards the end of the year of reception. Also the kids play with everyone and flit about a bit in reception. As you move up years they find their tribe and you gel with that smaller subset of your kids close friends a bit more.

And like PP my DS year we are all close and have been from the beginning. In my DD some parents wont even make eye contact. And its the same school! Totally different experience which also shows you can't force it if it isnt there.

I'd do this. There parents are the ones you'll be messaging to arrange meet-ups, sort out drop offs/pick ups, and organise activities until the DC are old enough to sort it out themselves.

Most of my "mum friends" are parents of DC's friends. We're not besties but we have enough of a relationship that we have a chat when shuttling DC around, have coffee while DC are at activities, and I can call on them for support if I need it and visa versa (they would do school run if I was ill and needed help, I've had their DC over for tea if they've had to work late, that sort of thing). A few of them have progressed to proper friendships where we meet up without the DC and do grown-up things instead.

I didn't gel with any parents in the first term. I worked part time so didn't have time to hang around at the school gate. But DH and I have both made many good friends over time. I found birthday parties were easier places to chat, especially with the other parents who worked. If you help out at school fairs, BBQs or whatever you get to know people too.
Our kids are in year 9 now and many of us are still friends, even though none of our kids actually hang out together any more. Some of us are going out for our Xmas meet up tomorrow.

I have one the same stage, first term of reception, and I'm casually friendly with some of the parents I see around but mainly I'll just arrange stuff with the parents of DS' friends. Pick them up after school or do a weekend playdate etc. I don't think you have to be best friends with the parents, it's more of a mutual 'X has been talking about X, he'd love it if they could get together one day after school' thing.

Both of my dc have been through school and I am only 'friends' (as in I would meet up with) with one other mum from when my eldest started school (12 years ago). There are others from that time that I will say hi to if I see, or might be friends with on social media. My youngest is 2 years younger and I am not friends with any mums from his year.

This is partly because when my eldest started, a lot of the other mums seemed to be a bit older (as in over 30 as I was) and worked (as I did) so we had more in common. Second time around there were a lot of younger mums with no older children so were doing it all for the first time.

But also, second time around there were a lot of mums who didn't work so probably all met up during the day and I only did the school run twice a week due to work. I was never really interested in making school mum friends to be honest so that's also a big part of it.

I agree with @georgarina though, that (unless you want to), you don't need to be best friends with other mums, just offer the odd playdate and see what happens.

I've been disappointed with primary parents too. Feels like they all came in with pre existing cliques from growing up in the area.

I feel sad that my DC is suffering from this as the other boys he plays with have holidays together and regular playdates, parents have shared hobbies etc.

Also for myself, NCT group gradually split up so I have space for new parent friends.

Anyway I would say so long as DC is reasonably happy at school and not being bullied that's maybe the best we can hope for?

It does suck and feel lonely at times.

When DC1 started I didn’t really become friends with other mums until maybe a year later, when DC had his mates so I would speak to those mums and get to know them better.
DC 2 started with a big cohort from nursery, so already knew parents.
but mainly, I force my phone number on any of my child’s friends’ mums, and they are usually very happy to arrange a play date.
it always goes like this… oh, you are x’s parents, we hear do much about X.
And said parent usually will say that they hear do much about my DC, we exchange numbers, agree to meet in the park… eventually each other’s homes… and eventually we decide that it would be much better to catch up without kids and go for dinner. But it takes time.
it fid feel quite lonely in the beginning when I didn’t know anyone and saw all these parents who seemed to be best friends…

I'm friendly with the other parents, but bloody hell, it's only December and there hasn't, realistically, been time to 'make friends'.

If you can, organise a birthday party and invite people to it. It acts as an icebreaker provided it's the kind of area where people go to parties. It's challenging at our school.

They're often quite transitory friendships but useful - it's nice if you get along with the parents of your child's friends.
There was one family we got on well with, but once the girls went to high school their friendship fizzled out. We have mutual friends though and are still on friendly terms.
Keep being friendly and you may find over time some friendships develop.

I didn’t- was on friendly acquaintance terms with parents of DD’s friends, but never really clicked with any of them. Now DD and her classmates have moved on to secondary school, I occasionally bump into one of them and say hello, but that’s all. It didn’t matter a damn, I have good friends and so does DD.

It took until the end of reception for mum friends to form for me. Now I’ve got a solid group of friends. Give it time. I started my chatting to my children’s friend’s parents.

I am definitely not looking to make friends for myself as much as for DC. I think they had quite a large cohort going up from nursery plus quite a few already have kids in the school.

I'm not friends with any parents from DS1's year more than a "hi" really. I work and only on the playground 2 times a week and have my baby/toddler with me who usually is cranky and needs attention. It is something I feel a bit sad about but it hasn't affected DS's friendships (he is almost 7) and he's a confident and chatty little boy.

I found it quite cliquey and DS joined reception during Covid so we actually didn't get the opportunity to chat etc due to school's strict social distancing policies. Most the mums seem to do all the drop offs so they see each other more and the groups seem to have formed and I'm on the outside.

People suggest it's useful to have in case you need a friend to collect child if you're running late etc but mine go to breakfast and after school clubs so I don't find this ever happens to me anyway!

It takes time, well it did for me. It wasn't until my son was in year 2 that I made a couple of mum friends from school!

I didn’t meet the other mothers. The nanny took the DDs to school until they could walk by themselves. I left to commute to work at 8.15, and didn’t get home til after 5pm, so not a problem.

I've found it picks up in year 1. Kids are more vocal about who their friends are and the play dates start, more class parties it seems here, they join more clubs, more confident to run ahead on the walk home with their friends and you inevitably speak to the parents.

I also only do some of the pick ups. We have to use the after school care as we both work so I guess it's true that I don't see them all that often.

Out of 2 children - one now y6 and one y9, I have one friend from those groups of parents. Technically 3 but 2 were actually friends before school - one I met at baby group who had actually been at school with my DSis years ago, and the other a friend I’ve known for quite some years. The other parents I’d say we would happily chat with at parties and sometimes on the playground. There were definite cliques in both year groups though. Some parents were also the same in both year groups as their children are both the same age as both of mine. We did try a mum‘a night out with my younger daughter’s parent group one year which was ok. But then lots of children gradually moved house and left the school and new families joined. It’s been an odd year group. In my other DD’s year I’m really close friends with one mum as our children were exclusive best friends for all of primary and we as mum’s get along. We’ve been in holiday a couple of times. Strangely I am FB friends with quite a few from both groups and we always chat when we see each other but it’s not often. The one friend I have though took until past Christmas to become really good friends with. Probably more like into year 1. Especially as she was rarely at pick up and drop off due to working.

Sometimes you’ll be unlucky and not find your people the first time round.

My mum was the same, didn’t gel with any of the parents from my year at school and was really upset about it, when my brother started school 2 years later she had much more luck and still is close with about 5-6 of them now! genuine friendships were made, not just ‘mum friends’

take the pressure off yourself, I have found even in y5 (DD is now in y5) there are only a couple of parents we will have a few words with in the playground, never really took off unfortunately to form friendships. There are the odd playdates, and I can chat to them, but they are few and far between unfortunately. We keep busy with after school clubs, our small family life and so on. If there are parties, occasional hangouts etc it's a bonus. It was tough at the time going through it wondering what the issue was with me / my son but I've come to the conclusion that it's not worth losing any sleep about and sometimes people are just either standoffish, too busy, or you have nothing in common.