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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is this financial abuse?

32 replies

heathspeedwell · 16/12/2022 10:57

My mum's boyfriend recently told her he's kicking her out of their home after they have been together 24 years. She sold her house (at his suggestion) before moving in with him and has invested tens of thousands into their homes over that time. The properties have always been in his sole name, so she's now left with very little of her original capital. I started a thread about it and people were very helpful and suggested that she should contact Land Registry and put a restriction on the sale.

Now she has just mentioned that the day before he dumped her, her boyfriend took her for a posh lunch with lots of wine (most unlike him as she usually drives). On the way home he wanted to 'pop in' to the solicitor for her to sign a form. He told her that this form was simply to protect her because he remembered that she invested £25k in their first house and he wanted her to know that he was definitely going to give it back to her.

I have now seen the form and it's a Declaration of Trust which states that my mum wont put any kind of lien or charge on their home, or ask for any interest on the initial £25k.

Does this mean that it's pointless trying to pursue this further? As well as that first investment she's spent many thousands more. And were the solicitors dodgy in making a tipsy woman sign that form without explaining it to her? She genuinely thought they were 'her' solicitors' because they acted as the conveyancers for her when she bought a beach hut in the summer. Is this not a conflict of interest?

When my mum found out that the person she loved could stitch her up like that she was just shaking all over. It's one of the most heartbreaking things I've ever seen. She's always been so busy and happy and it's like she has become elderly overnight.

If anyone has been in a similar situation please let me know what I can do to help her.

OP posts:
Original poster
heathspeedwell · 16/12/2022 11:03

I also hope that anyone reading this learns from my mum's mistakes and protects their financial interests. There are some evil people out there!

OP posts:
Crazymumto1 · 16/12/2022 11:19

I’d just try to see a solicitor, I don’t think anyone can advise
hope things improve for your mum

Ginmonkeyagain · 16/12/2022 11:28

Your mum should get her own solicitors asap and seek advice. If she was under the influence of alcohol when she signed the agreement then she should lodge a complaint, saying she did not have capacity to agree to it.

Also if she put in £25k to the house purchase surely she should get back whatever proportion of the cost of the house that £25k represents, not just £25K?

So for example if the house price at purchase was £100k, the £25K she paid represents a quarter of the price, so she should get a quarter of the house value now, not just a flat £25k. So if the house sells for £200k she should get £50k

Has she got any written evidence at all of this £25k investment or the latter financial contributions she made?

carefulcalculator · 16/12/2022 11:31

Your mum needs urgent legal advice. This is very complicated and has gone on a long time.

carefulcalculator · 16/12/2022 11:32

Ginmonkeyagain · 16/12/2022 11:28

Your mum should get her own solicitors asap and seek advice. If she was under the influence of alcohol when she signed the agreement then she should lodge a complaint, saying she did not have capacity to agree to it.

Also if she put in £25k to the house purchase surely she should get back whatever proportion of the cost of the house that £25k represents, not just £25K?

So for example if the house price at purchase was £100k, the £25K she paid represents a quarter of the price, so she should get a quarter of the house value now, not just a flat £25k. So if the house sells for £200k she should get £50k

Has she got any written evidence at all of this £25k investment or the latter financial contributions she made?

A deed of trust can be written either way - it can be a % or a cash amount, with or without interest.

NaturalBae · 16/12/2022 11:33

Ginmonkeyagain · 16/12/2022 11:28

Your mum should get her own solicitors asap and seek advice. If she was under the influence of alcohol when she signed the agreement then she should lodge a complaint, saying she did not have capacity to agree to it.

Also if she put in £25k to the house purchase surely she should get back whatever proportion of the cost of the house that £25k represents, not just £25K?

So for example if the house price at purchase was £100k, the £25K she paid represents a quarter of the price, so she should get a quarter of the house value now, not just a flat £25k. So if the house sells for £200k she should get £50k

Has she got any written evidence at all of this £25k investment or the latter financial contributions she made?

^This 💯
Definitely financial abuse.

Sorry to read this. I hope your Mum gets this sorted out in her favour.

ScroogeMcDuckling · 16/12/2022 11:33

I’m surprised the solicitor concluded business if she was a little trollied.

UnpackThisMess · 16/12/2022 11:48

I remember your last recent thread.. you were told multiple times for you to take your mum to a solicitor and get actual legal advice. Why haven't you/aren't you doing that?

Original poster
heathspeedwell · 16/12/2022 12:52

It has taken me a long time to get her to agree to see a solicitor, and to get the paperwork together. We have an appointment for next week but the solicitor is charging £350 per hour, so I don't know if it's worth putting her through that if the fact she signed the Deed of Trust means that she can't pursue things.

She didn't mention the Deed of Trust until a couple of days ago because she honestly didn't think it was relevant! It only came up when I was helping her get things together to take to our appointment. I only saw it last night and it looks like all the hours we have spent getting her documents together might have been a total waste of time.

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DrinkFeckArseBrick · 16/12/2022 12:59

You should see the solicitor. Her ex misled her about the contract and got her drunk before so I think there is a good chance it wouldn't stand up. In the mean time is there any way she can prove that she had been out and drinking? I'd suggest calling the restaurant and asking for a copy of the vat receipt or something. Is there anything in writing from him about the contract eg over text? What a horrible person. I remember your last thread and your step brother also thought his dad was being horrible, is there any way you could get him involved?

AnneLovesGilbert · 16/12/2022 12:59

Of course it’s worth it. Yes it’s £350 but it’s expert advice and if she doesn’t go you’ll both regret it.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 16/12/2022 13:04

AnneLovesGilbert · 16/12/2022 12:59

Of course it’s worth it. Yes it’s £350 but it’s expert advice and if she doesn’t go you’ll both regret it.

Agree. If she was a) tipsy and b) was asked to sign a document put in front of her without being able to take independent legal advice on it then that sounds very questionable.

birdsandthewasps · 16/12/2022 13:07

Who witnessed the document being signed? The ex partners solicitor?

MichelleScarn · 16/12/2022 13:08

So she was inebriated enough to not really read what she was signing, or initially remember this and the solicitor still let her sign?
Surely a complaint should be made about the solicitor then as poor practice if this is true?

GrasstrackGirl · 16/12/2022 13:10

If she was that pissed why didn't the solicitor notice?

Talaforniababe · 16/12/2022 13:12

I'd say definitely worth consulting a solicitor but I wouldn't get my hopes up too much.

Orangesare · 16/12/2022 13:27

About 20 years when my parents wanted a mortgage on their house they owned outright and I was over 18. I had to go to a solicitor and it couldn’t be the one my parents used to sign a document that stated I would leave when requested. So there may be hope because she didn’t have independent legal advice

Original poster
heathspeedwell · 16/12/2022 13:39

It might sound like I'm being dramatic but I'm actually scared this will make her ill. She had a breakdown many years ago when she split up from my dad. Now she's losing her home, her partner and her grandchildren (I'm infertile with endometriosis), so I want to be as gentle with her as possible.

She has had a lot of conflicting advice from other family members which has really upset her. Her brother is just trying to get her to move into sheltered accommodation. Everyone is keen to tell her what to do but no-one else is actually sitting down with her and helping. I thought I was helping by getting everything ready for the solicitor but now I've read the Declaration of Trust I'm worried I've been raising her hopes for nothing.

I have no experience with solicitors at all, (apart from conveyancing). If I email them the Declaration would they be able to say if it was worth going ahead with the appointment?

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Original poster
heathspeedwell · 16/12/2022 13:40

@birdsandthewasps the Declaration was witnessed by the firm of solicitors who had previously worked for my mum, but my mum hadn't seen that individual solicitor before.

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MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 16/12/2022 13:43

I thought I was helping by getting everything ready for the solicitor but now I've read the Declaration of Trust I'm worried I've been raising her hopes for nothing

That's why you need a solicitor. To read the deed and advise you about whether, given the circumstances of the signing, it's valid. We can't, your family can't; and your family need to stop hassling her about what she should be doing. Poor woman, her head's going to be all over the place.

MichelleScarn · 16/12/2022 13:59

Her brother is just trying to get her to move into sheltered accommodtion
isn't that good though? Surely ensuring she has somewhere to live is of significant importance, and if she's as vulnerable as she's coming across would that not be to her benefit. Would she get priority as homeless?

Onnabugeisha · 16/12/2022 14:06

I would go ahead with the solictor meeting. I think the advice to call the restaurant and get a copy of the receipt would be a good idea as well.

I actually agree with her brother that she should move into sheltered accommodation as soon as possible. Her partner is engaging in financial abuse and there may be coercive control as well. Both of these are DV and quite often when the victim stops complying this can escalate into physical violence. She should not be living with him. She doesn’t sacrifice any of her rights to joint finances by moving out.

Aprilx · 16/12/2022 14:08

heathspeedwell · 16/12/2022 12:52

It has taken me a long time to get her to agree to see a solicitor, and to get the paperwork together. We have an appointment for next week but the solicitor is charging £350 per hour, so I don't know if it's worth putting her through that if the fact she signed the Deed of Trust means that she can't pursue things.

She didn't mention the Deed of Trust until a couple of days ago because she honestly didn't think it was relevant! It only came up when I was helping her get things together to take to our appointment. I only saw it last night and it looks like all the hours we have spent getting her documents together might have been a total waste of time.

I think it will be £350 well spent. I think the solicitor was very dodgy if she was visibly tipsy, also they appear to have acted for both parties to the agreement which should never happen. As his solicitors prepared the document, she should have had her own legal team look over it before she signed it and most importantly his solicitors would know that.

The whole thing really is disgusting, but I don’t think all is lost. Good luck.

Original poster
heathspeedwell · 16/12/2022 14:08

@DrinkFeckArseBrick that's a brilliant idea, I'll find out where they went and see if I can get a receipt.

I have emailed the solicitor and will go ahead with next week's appointment unless they get in touch to say it's not worth it.

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