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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Double Trouble yesterday WWYD?

14 replies

PaulaTrilloe · 16/12/2022 09:11

Decided to go to a community cafe yesterday to get some lunch. I'm a regular there and know all the staff, service users and most of the regular punters who live locally and go there for a cheap & tasty meal.

There were some men walking up the stairs in front of me and there was another man in their group behind me. The one behind me was shouting in a bantery way over my head to the men in front. there was a closed set of swing doors before you get to the cafeteria. Instead of holding the door open the man in front let go with considerabke force and I had to put my arm out to protect my face from the door coming towards me. Because I was stationary, the man behind me then bumped into me from behind no apology.He then pushed in front of me in the queue so he could be with his mates. I gave him a filthy look and man who had brought these 2 others in said to me, "you go in front love as I am paying for all of us". As soon as I got to the front of the queue the man who had been behind me had somehow changed spaces with his friends and was directly behind me. He had his back to me and was waving his arms about and barging into me totally in my space. He kept doing this so I told himto stop bumping into me. It was like I was invisible to him. He continued so I shoved him out of my personal space and raised my voice.
The staff noticed at this point. They invited me to come and collect my meal tray. He then cut me up in the line trying to get to the food collection point and got told off by the server for pushing in. They told him to sit at one of the chairs and wait to be called forward to collect his tray with his friends after me. He then jostled me so I pointed and assertively said he needed to sit down there (obviously an unfamiliar first time customer). He made some muttering comment under his breath about/at me. I said loud enough for others to hear in the room "why do you think it's ok to shove and push in front of a woman I bet you do not do it to other men," WWYD?

OP posts:
Valeriekat · 16/12/2022 09:56

Some men are just awful. You were right to call him out on his behaviour.

FirstnameSuesecondnamePerb · 16/12/2022 10:06

Honestly, I would have stepped out of the queue, and given the entire group a wide berth. From what you have described it sounds as though that particular chap had some sort of boundary issue/odd behaviour going on. You ain't gonna change that so I would just have stepped back a few in the queue/nipped to the loo etc.

FOJN · 16/12/2022 10:19

His behaviour sounds quite odd. Either he wanted your attention or wanted to make sure you knew your place, either way I'm glad you stood your ground. You were in a familiar environment so it was reasonably safe for you to do so. It really is time that women stopped being treated as second class by arsehole men so good for you.

Georgeskitchen · 16/12/2022 10:59

Probably a safe bet he wouldn't do it do a man
Well done for calling him out. I would have done the same

PaulaTrilloe · 17/12/2022 06:30

It was almost as if I was invisible to this man the way he was invading my space, not in a threatening or intimidating way, maybe he has no sense of social space (he was white British from his speech and appearance) very bizarre!

I just reckon if he did that to a man he'd be cruising for a bruising at some point.

I don't think I should meekly go to the back of the queue. If I had conceded and gave him a wide berth he probably would have invaded my space again!

Maybe it's some primate related resource competition for food IDK .

OP posts:
panko · 17/12/2022 06:42

I commend you for your actions. I would have hung back and let them go first so I could relax and know they weren't behind me. You are braver than I.

VillanellesCoat · 17/12/2022 06:46

@PaulaTrilloe well handled! If only more of us had the courage to speak up instead of apologetically moving out of the way/shrinking into the background. You stood your ground! Be proud!

VillanellesCoat · 17/12/2022 06:47

And if ever I’m in a similar situation I’m going to think ‘what would @PaulaTrilloe do?’ 😁

FangedFrisbee · 17/12/2022 06:49

Sounds like he was on something but you handled it perfectly

harrassedmumto3 · 17/12/2022 08:35

Stupid prick showing off in front of his mates Hmm

MakeMineALarge1 · 17/12/2022 09:09

FirstnameSuesecondnamePerb · 16/12/2022 10:06

Honestly, I would have stepped out of the queue, and given the entire group a wide berth. From what you have described it sounds as though that particular chap had some sort of boundary issue/odd behaviour going on. You ain't gonna change that so I would just have stepped back a few in the queue/nipped to the loo etc.

Me too. That sounds like the simple solution.

Delatron · 17/12/2022 09:13

Good for you. I would have done the same too. I wouldn’t have been able to help myself. I’d have called him out in the same way in front of everyone.

No I would not have meekly stood out of the queue and let them get away with their awful behaviour.

StrawberryPot · 17/12/2022 09:15

Appalling behaviour - well done for calling it out!

LikeTearsInRain · 17/12/2022 09:22

You sure showed him OP! Woop Woop!

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