Finding new friends very overwhelming..

[cherryyy]

DH and I have met a new couple through mutual friends, and at first we got on really really well. We have known each other maybe 3/4 months now, so not very long in the grand scheme of things.

It started off nice and chilled, we'd meet for a meal or drink have once or twice every fortnight, text occasionally etc etc. recently, I've been finding it far too much and am feeling really quite overwhelmed by their intensity!

As of late, they've been on and on and ON at us about doing this, booking that.. it's absolutely constant and I can't keep up with it. It's majorly stressing me out. Not just in regard to the time they want us to make for them, but also the money we are constantly having to spend. I've tried so many times to be 'busy' and make excuses but I'm finding it extreme and it's really setting off my anxiety and causing so much stress.

I am getting constant messages asking to do this, book that.. and I just can't bring myself to even open the messages anymore. They've invited themselves to stay at our house more than once now, and I'm just finding it so hard and demanding of our time.

I honestly just don't know what to do. They're lovely people in moderation but I just can't cope with the constant hassling.

You've known them 3 months. I have condiments in my fridge older than that. You owe them nothing. Just be noncommittal and vague. They'll take the hint eventually.

We had new "friends" like this once. They were so intense and suffocating. We just backed off and eventually they gave up. I'm sure it's a pattern familiar to them.

Do they have Pampas Grass in their front yard?

In convo before, she's mentioned how she finds it hard to maintain and keep female friendships since she is very argumentative (help!!) I'm the complete opposite. Same with the continuous plans. I like to go with the flow and also love my time at home with my DH, just relaxing without constant plans. I'm finding it a LOT!

Non committal and vague is the way forward.

If she texts about booking something then reply "sorry, I can't commit to that just now, will let you know when we're free"

Keep it light, and if you like them, keep at arms length. You're not saying you don't want to see them, just that you want to see them less.

Would that work? Or have you got the whole ick now?!

Nope!

It's tricky I feel like I go through moments where I reason with myself and when we do meet, we have a lovely time. But it's the same in person, too. always onto the next thing we need to do or book..

It's awful of me to say, but I do feel like I may have the ick. I'm not sure my feelings can be changed..

I wouldn't go non committal and vague, as they will keep messaging for answer then, presumably.
Be clear - they obviously aren't great at usual social etiquette if they want to see people they have met every week, so help them by being clear.
Say "We've enjoyed getting to know you (or going out a few times or however you want to phrase it) but ...." {insert whichever sounds feasible}

• we don't have enough babysitters to go out more than once every couple of months
• we don't have the finances to keep up this level of activities
• we're really busy now over the next couple of months and look forward to doing something in the Spring
• we're both a bit overwhelmed at the moment with work / family / Christmas / study so can't really commit to anything before March
• we're busy now with other things around Christmas then are doing Dry, or Frugal January so not going out again now until Feb
• we're saving for something so have made a resolution to go out far less often than we have

etc etc

Doesn't matter which you use, but be clear they need to stop asking you for a while, not vague that you "might" or "might not" come.

You don't need to make any excuses though. If they ask you to book something just say that you don't want to and that you prefer to do things last minute. If you make excuses then they will find solutions to them.

You’re really busy with Christmas events but would love to meet up in the new year. That gives you around three weeks of peace. Thereafter, when they want to plan stuff, agree to do it but not for a few weeks. You don’t have to explain / justify what’s in your diaries. ‘That doesn’t work for us but we can do the 4th’ is fine! Don’t be badgered into stuff to be polite.