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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think they should tell me he's ill

25 replies

Rosebel · 15/12/2022 22:47

I'm prepared to be told IABU but what do you think.
My DS has been ill with a viral infection all week so has been off nursery. My DB was supposed to have my son today but cancelled this morning. So I took him to nursery with me.
DS was better this morning but when I picked him up he looked awful. Pale, eyes barely open and he was clearly exhausted. I know they usually call parents if their child is like this especially if they've just been ill.
They never tell me when he's ill because if I took him home they'd be short staffed. Am seriously considering moving him to another nursery just so I will get called I'd he's poorly.
DH is against this because we get a discount at current nursery (and because I do all drop offs and pick ups which wouldn't be the case if he moved). Generally we're happy with everything apart from this issue.
AIBU to think they should tell me when he's ill? Would you move nursery?

OP posts:

MolliciousIntent · 15/12/2022 22:49

I don't understand, why would they be short staffed if you took him home? He's not staff!

WombatStewForTea · 15/12/2022 22:50

Because OP works in his nursery

rainbowandglitter · 15/12/2022 22:51

MolliciousIntent · 15/12/2022 22:49

I don't understand, why would they be short staffed if you took him home? He's not staff!

I assume op works in his nursery although she's not said this.

SarahAndQuack · 15/12/2022 22:52

I think it's a tricky one. The way you explain it, you took him to work because you couldn't get other childcare despite him being ill. If that's the case, no, you can't really be surprised he was still ill at the end of the day!

I also think that, if you work at the nursery, they must be assuming you'll be just as able to judge whether or not he's ill as anyone else. So they won't contact you because they will assume you already know.

I think if you want the nursery to tell you when your child is borderline for sending home, you have to be super careful never to bring him when he's already not quite well.

MolliciousIntent · 15/12/2022 22:55

WombatStewForTea · 15/12/2022 22:50

Because OP works in his nursery

Oh right. Then I'd assume they're assuming you know he's ill, because you made the decision to bring him in when he was ill, presumably because there's no one else to look after him. They probably think they're doing you a favour.

123rd · 15/12/2022 23:10

If you work there why can't you check him during the day ?

TheRookie · 15/12/2022 23:18

Yes did you not see him at all throughout the day? I'm so confused

dancingdaisies · 15/12/2022 23:21

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the request of the poster.

SaveMeCheezus · 15/12/2022 23:22

WombatStewForTea · 15/12/2022 22:50

Because OP works in his nursery

But then she'd be able to check how he is herself during the day surely, or at least ask a colleague in his room to keep her informed.

There seems to be quite a bit of info missing from this post.

Herejustforthisone · 15/12/2022 23:34

This is muddling.

You work at the nursery he goes to? And despite him being ill you took him in to nursery/work with you? And now you’re mad the nursery you work at didn’t send your ill child home for being ill?

FangedFrisbee · 15/12/2022 23:35

But you took him to work sick and you have access to his room so could check on him?

kitcat15 · 15/12/2022 23:38

But YOU toook him to nursery knowing he was ill 🙄

WhatTheHellIsAQuasar · 15/12/2022 23:38

You took him to nursery knowing he was ill - why are you surprised he was still ill at the end of the day?

Original poster

Rosebel · 15/12/2022 23:40

I do work in the nursery but not in his room. I don't see him in the day because he gets very distressed (when he sees me he thinks it's home time so gets upset if I leave again).
I knew he wasn't 100%.I said he's not 100%and said let me know if he's struggling. I also spoke to my manager and could tell she wasn't going to be happy if I had to leave early, although she said she would sort something.
I suffer from mum guilt about working all the time and had I known he'd gone downhill so much I'd have sorted something, even if they'd asked to give Calpol would have been something.
It doesn't matter now because he's off until Monday now so will be better by then.
Children often go downhill but I was kind of working on the assumption they'd let me know instead of leaving it until 6 to tell me.
Think looking at this IABU which is fine because I'm tired and stressed so probably not thinking rationally.

OP posts:

DuplicateUserName · 15/12/2022 23:44

You knew he was ill, they knew he was ill and yet he was still put in nursery.

I suppose they thought you knew best, so didn't contact you about it.

dancingdaisies · 15/12/2022 23:46

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the request of the poster.

Balloonsandroses · 15/12/2022 23:48

I mean this kindly… he doesn’t sound that poorly… no high temp etc and as a working parent who’s used nursery a lot in the past I would be very grateful not to have been called out of work to collect him. It sounds more as though he was just exhausted by the day and no harm done.

Original poster

Rosebel · 15/12/2022 23:53

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn at the request of the poster.

Thanks. See that is my point. He was a lot better (as I said not 100%but still much better) this morning laughing and babbling. Went in to nursery happy but was obviously done in at the end of the day.
As I said if I go and see him during the day he gets very very upset so I'm kind of relying on them to let me know if he's gone downhill.

OP posts:

7eleven · 15/12/2022 23:55

Sounds to me like he’s been basically fine and was just knackered by the end. No harm done

Nodancingshoes · 16/12/2022 06:33

I'm imagining a huge nursery where you don't see any of the staff that care for your child all day...I work in a nursery and both my children have attended. I tried to avoid going into their room so I didnt upset them but would have crossed paths with the keyworkers multiple times a day! Seems like a strange working environment but, no, YANBU

panko · 16/12/2022 06:43

Ahh right you work in same nursery.

I guess they assumed you knew he was ill when you dropped him off and he didn't have a temperature or vomiting so they treated him like any other child. I don't get called if my kids having an off day, it must be a tough call for them to decide whether to call or not.

But yes you're a customer as well as staff so if you're not happy ask them to let you know and if they don't then either you or child moves.

Neome · 16/12/2022 06:54

Could you ask one of the staff who works with you in your room to check on him?

EveEveander · 16/12/2022 07:14

They should have told you. That's quite serious

EveEveander · 16/12/2022 07:15

DuplicateUserName · 15/12/2022 23:44

You knew he was ill, they knew he was ill and yet he was still put in nursery.

I suppose they thought you knew best, so didn't contact you about it.

He wasn't ill at first. OP thought he was over the worst of his viral illness
The staff should have informed her of his determination

EveEveander · 16/12/2022 07:19

Deterioration

It sounds like there's a conflict of interest because if they call a parent of a child to take the child home when the child is unwell they're one child down and have fulfilled their caring responsibilities
If your child is taken home they're one child and a whole staff member down which in these days of tight staffing numbers gives them a dilemma

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