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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Christmas Present Giving

18 replies

Sancerre2 · 15/12/2022 21:21

My family live abroad, a long plane ride away, so DC & I flew to be with them for this Xmas. It was planned in advance that we'd exchange gifts today as other family are going away next week. I'm a single, working mum & I bought each person 3 presents (I went a bit overboard, I know, but I was so excited). We put all our gifts under the tree a few days ago and parents commented that I had brought so many. They've been out shopping since.
We did presents this evening. It was my parents, my one DC, my sister & her husband. My parents didn't get me or my DC anything & got my sister a necklace. my sister had extra gifts for my DC, so we wrapped those and said it was from my parents. My parents are retired, in good health and very wealthy.
My mum just mentioned "oh I didn't know what to buy you" & I quickly brushed it off so it wasn't awkward.
That kind of sucks, doesn't it?

OP posts:

clpsmum · 15/12/2022 21:30

Yes it really does suck and I'm afraid I'd be calling them out on it. How bloody horrible of them I'm sorry that happened to you and your dc and I'm glad your sister could come to the rescue a little bit.

Fusciainertia · 15/12/2022 21:32

What's your relationship like with them?

I think it would be good to tell them how it made you feel.

hattie43 · 15/12/2022 21:33

That's horrible and a very lame excuse , I didn't know what to buy !!! So ask .

Original poster

Sancerre2 · 15/12/2022 21:41

Dad seemed upset afterwards. He just took himself to another room and sat alone for a couple of hours. He would have assumed my mum would take care of it.
I maintain a pleasant enough relationship with my mum. No arguments/drama.

OP posts:

Original poster

Sancerre2 · 15/12/2022 21:41

Oh and I did give them a list for DC!

OP posts:

Moon22 · 15/12/2022 22:01

Very hurtful after you made so much effort and went all that way to visit them.

RegularNameChangerVersion21 · 15/12/2022 22:10

Wow I'm sorry that happened OP. That's deliberately hurtful on their part. Especially when you've come all the way out to visit them and you're a single mum (so won't be getting showered by gifts from a partner). It sounds like your sister made the effort.

Is it just you and your mom who have a 'pleasant' but distant relationship? What about your dad and sister?

GettingStuffed · 15/12/2022 22:11

My dad's like this but he always gives cash instead

thaegumathteth · 15/12/2022 22:13

I was waiting for this to be a 'I don't like the gift' thread but no, that's nasty and mean. I'd talk to your dad about it maybe and say you were hurt, especially that they
A/ saw your gifts under the tree in advance
B/ you'd travelled to see them
C/ they got your sister something
D/ they didn't even buy dc something

Y7drama · 15/12/2022 22:16

your mum sounds really mean, especially as they’d seen that you had taken presents and had the expense of getting there.

TotallyOP · 15/12/2022 22:24

I think you should speak to them about it, it's just so odd and rude.

mondaytosunday · 15/12/2022 22:29

I'd ask them why they didn't get your child something. Especially as you had given them a list.

1FootInTheRave · 15/12/2022 22:32

That's shit and I'd be really upset.

blueflagflyhigh · 15/12/2022 22:39

Yes you have to bring it up. Not so much about ur gifts but gifts for ur child. It shouldn't be awkward with your mum or dad but I get it is. They literally knew you had gifts for them but got nothing for both of u. However they did buy gifts for other family all very strange especially giving ur sister gifts infront of u. Has ur mum got form for this sort of thing?

Can't u just say have u not bought anything for X? It's a simple opening line.

Very mean and I feel sorry for ur dad a bit but then he should have been asking ur mum what have we got for them. Maybe they'll give you some cash but not exactly what a child wants at Christmas time.

BatshitBanshee · 15/12/2022 22:45

After you travelled to be with them? And they saw you had brought (quite a number of) gifts? I'd be very upset - more so for DC. Obviously your dad thought your mum was taking care of it... Odd that they wouldn't have a conversation about it, especially for their DGC as you had sent a list. I think I'd have to ask mum if I did something to upset her or why she would just disregard you like that. Especially considering she got your sister a gift...given I'm front of you. I'm so sorry OP.

redflowerbluethorns · 15/12/2022 22:48

That is really awful. I'd have to say something.

Original poster

Sancerre2 · 15/12/2022 22:52

My sister is in the same country as them, although not same city, they do see each other more. They are closer because my mum only abused me not her. I didn't want to get into it, but my mum is a classic narcissist, so if you ask her a simple question like "why didn't you get something off the list for A", it'll somehow end up with tears and woe is me, hence avoiding it.
After years of therapy, I decided not to go NC because it would break my dad's heat and my DC has a lot of fun with grandparents.

OP posts:

BatshitBanshee · 15/12/2022 22:58

In that case OP I would go very, very, very low contact with her from now on. This whole thing is just so awful.

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