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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed he invited his mum along?

19 replies

babaganooshh · 15/12/2022 16:36

Daughters nativity tonight, me & her dad aren't together but we do still sometimes do family things together (I.e the school play)

I said to him last night why doesn't he come with me to the nativity tonight.
Today he texts asking if his mum can come, I said I would prefer it just be him as originally planned, I can just about tolerate her.

Problem is, they want to come back to my house afterwards for a couple of hours. If it was just him I wouldn't mind but to bring his mum too? Ive had an exhausting week at work/parenting to the point im too tired to deal with her talking at me for 2 hours. I wanted to come home and do bedtime pretty soon after. If they are both here she won't go to bed. If it's just him and me she will listen.

He then rang me again while he was sat with his mum and asked me again while she could hear, I said 'yes ok' as felt put on the spot, I text afterwards saying why did you do that? He's been moaning all day about how unwell he is so I have said to just leave it as I don't want to catch yet another flu.

Am I being a complete unreasonable bitch? I asked a friend at work about it and she said he needs to respect your boundaries a bit more. I think it was unfair he asked me again in front of his mum when we had a conversation only an hour before and we agreed only he would come!!!!

OP posts:
RegularNameChangerVersion21 · 15/12/2022 16:40

YANBU abot them both coming back to your house. If he wants to bring his mum to the nativity then fine (assuming kids are allowed three people in the audience) but no you shouldn't have to be entertaining your sick ex and his mother in your home afterwards.

TidyDancer · 15/12/2022 16:42

He shouldn't have put you on the spot like that but I think I would try to focus on whether this will be nice for your DD (I assume it will be?).

I would limit the time at your house afterwards though, I don't think there's any need for that at all but if you want to accommodate it maybe just say one cup of tea and that's it because you have an early start tomorrow?

RandomPerson42 · 15/12/2022 16:42

He should be allowed to take his mum to the nativity, anything else is up to you.

onefedupmum · 15/12/2022 16:44

YANBU he shouldn't be inviting his mum to yours. His mum can see her in his time.

The nativity I wouldn't mind so much.

Ibouncetothebeat · 15/12/2022 16:44

YABU. You didn’t agree ONLY he would come, you just agreed he would come. He then asked if his mum could join, this is where you should have put in your boundaries and said well that’s fine but I’d rather you didn’t come over tonight then because I want to get her to bed on time and she won’t if nanny is there.

Bobbybobbins · 15/12/2022 16:46

Yanbu- coming to the nativity is fine but up to you who comes to your house!!

KillingLoneliness · 15/12/2022 17:02

YABU about the nativity but can you not tell them they can’t come back to your house as you need the rest?

Original poster
babaganooshh · 15/12/2022 17:17

I said they can both come but can't spend time at my house afterwards as I'm tired and need an early night.

They are no longer coming.

OP posts:
Original poster
babaganooshh · 15/12/2022 17:19

& it's not the first time something like this has happened. He always asks things in front of his mum. Like 'it's ok if mum comes isn't it' and she will be stood there and I'll just have to say yes.

This one time (when we first started dating) he invited me over as wanted to cook something special for me. His mum was in the kitchen while he was cooking which I didn't mind.
Later on, he laid the table for 3....is that not a bit weird?

OP posts:
LisaJool · 15/12/2022 17:19

Why are they now not coming to the nativity?

Original poster
babaganooshh · 15/12/2022 17:21

@LisaJool
He said he's feeling really unwell and needs to stay in the warm.

OP posts:
greenhousegal · 15/12/2022 17:22

Oh God, another Mummy's boy. Sticking with her against your evil ways!

Be glad, not sad.

PumpkinPooSpice · 15/12/2022 17:25

This is your own fault. Just say "Aw sorry, I can't" next time he asks in front of her. He's the one who should be embarrassed, not you. You're not married, you don't need to host. Or next time, say "Let's go to yours instead then"

PumpkinPooSpice · 15/12/2022 17:26

This time is easy though, you don't want the flu. So no, he can't come over after having a think about it

determinedtomakethiswork · 15/12/2022 17:27

Just say, one of the many many advantages of us not being together is that I don't have to be in the same room as your mother. So stop bloody asking me.

Moonpies · 27/12/2022 16:11

He's your ex now, just say no. Why you need to keep pleasing his mum?

Murdoch1949 · 27/12/2022 16:32

I would have let him attend nativity with his mum, then they could take child out for tea & cake & return them home by 6 pm. You would have a little time to relax.

NaoiseNOTnoise · 18/02/2023 23:26

babaganooshh · 15/12/2022 16:36

Daughters nativity tonight, me & her dad aren't together but we do still sometimes do family things together (I.e the school play)

I said to him last night why doesn't he come with me to the nativity tonight.
Today he texts asking if his mum can come, I said I would prefer it just be him as originally planned, I can just about tolerate her.

Problem is, they want to come back to my house afterwards for a couple of hours. If it was just him I wouldn't mind but to bring his mum too? Ive had an exhausting week at work/parenting to the point im too tired to deal with her talking at me for 2 hours. I wanted to come home and do bedtime pretty soon after. If they are both here she won't go to bed. If it's just him and me she will listen.

He then rang me again while he was sat with his mum and asked me again while she could hear, I said 'yes ok' as felt put on the spot, I text afterwards saying why did you do that? He's been moaning all day about how unwell he is so I have said to just leave it as I don't want to catch yet another flu.

Am I being a complete unreasonable bitch? I asked a friend at work about it and she said he needs to respect your boundaries a bit more. I think it was unfair he asked me again in front of his mum when we had a conversation only an hour before and we agreed only he would come!!!!

You shouldnt have to justify yourself, uninvite her. Be courageous, you did a nice thing inviting your ex partner and hes a total arse for putting that pressure on you. Clear boundaries.

Caroparo52 · 12/06/2023 20:28

You are no longer married to him. She is no longer your MIL.
Enjoy your new freedom op and tell them both to sod off.

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