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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dreamt of previous partner… feeling fucking awful.

26 replies

cloudsandream · 15/12/2022 12:24

Hi all.

I’ve been with my boyfriend close to a year now and all is well. He’s sweet, caring and i’m definitely attracted to him, and I can say in confidence I am happy with him.

Yet last night I dreamt of my first love, who wanted me back after years of no talking!! Dream me was happy with this and when I woke, well I felt a slight twinge of sadness it wasn’t real. I feel bloody awful as my boyfriend is laying next to me.

This means absolutely nothing right? I’m behind myself with guilt. I know dreams typically mean or show for nothing but my willingness to run off with this other man has me wondering if i’m doing my boyfriend wrong, I love him I swear 😓.

AIBU to feel guilty as hell?

OP posts:
Shgytfgtf111 · 15/12/2022 12:25

Dont beat yourself up, it could have been anyone in that dream. It doesnt mean anything.

takealettermsjones · 15/12/2022 12:26

I wouldn't worry OP. I once dreamt that I was living in a space bubble with Craig David, and it was great fun. I don't have any immediate plans to leave my family and study to be an astronaut 😃

RambamThankyouMam · 15/12/2022 12:33

I regularly dream about my late partner coming back to life and me going off with her despite being happily married with children Blush Dreams shouldn't be taken too seriously IMHO!

doris9034 · 15/12/2022 12:53

I wouldn't worry - i dreamt the other night that i was having an affair with Les Battersby from Coronation Street. Now that was slightly disturbing......

Mardyface · 15/12/2022 12:57

I often wake up feeling really angry and betrayed by something my husband did in a dream. But I don't tell him off for it (well only a bit).

If you're happy with your current partner that's all that matters (and is probably what the dream was about really).

OldTinHat · 15/12/2022 13:03

It means nothing. Just your memory whooshing about as you sleep.

I dreamt of husband no.1 who I married 30yrs ago last night. So random but means nothing.

It's coming up to an emotionally charged time of year, memories get stirred up and manifest as dreams.

Just smile and wave!

Mummieslncorporated · 15/12/2022 13:05

My first sex dream was about a guy I worked with. He was twenty years older than me and although a nice enough guy, I did not find him attractive in any way.

Based on that, I would say it doesn't mean anything.

whattodo1975 · 15/12/2022 13:05

Would you get back with your first love if given the chance ?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 15/12/2022 13:08

I really don’t think you need to worry. Dreams are funny things. It probably means you’re trying to process something, which might be entirely unconnected to your ex partner.

I’ve been known to dream about my first love from time to time too - I always put it down to some connected my subconscious has made to another problem or issue that’s on my mind.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 15/12/2022 13:09

I also tend to dream about for example doing my GCSEs again at times of stress.

RegularNameChangerVersion21 · 15/12/2022 13:09

It means nothing. First loves often leave a deep mark, not because the relationship was amazing just because you're experiencing that first flush of romance and it's all new. Often you're both young too so don't have as much life stress to get in the way of sex and talking all night etc. It's also a reminder of being young and carefree in general .

Real relationships aren't all sunshine and roses forever and it's normal to look back wistfully at times gone by. Doesn't mean anything at all.

10HailMarys · 15/12/2022 13:12

It's a dream. You have no control over it and it means nothing - or, if it does mean something, it absolutely does not mean that you want your ex back. Don't give it a second thought.

I've been with my partner for twenty years now, and occasionally I dream I'm back with my ex - even though he was actually abusive and I would never in a million years want to be with him in reality. I haven't seen him since before I met my DP and I never even think about him in my waking hours! But in my dream I'm usually pleased that we're together. I honestly think it's just caused by the residual, subconscious memory of how hurt and angry I was at the way he treated me when we split (it was a truly horrible split and an awful betrayal on his part), and that the dream is just my subconscious flitting back to that time and kind of resolving that old anger/hurt somehow. I couldn't give a shit about him now and like I said, I never really think about him or our relationship, but when something really affects you emotionally, you still have the memory of the feeling, even if you don't have the feeling itself. If that makes any sense...

Padamae · 15/12/2022 13:13

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Peridot1 · 15/12/2022 13:17

I’m 58 and split with my first love 25 years ago. My decision. I still dream about him regularly. I find it comforting in an odd way! And I know I am not hankering after him. We message occasionally and I e spoken to him a few years ago and all that did was reinforce that we wouldn’t have worked out long term.

knittingaddict · 15/12/2022 13:29

Mardyface · 15/12/2022 12:57

I often wake up feeling really angry and betrayed by something my husband did in a dream. But I don't tell him off for it (well only a bit).

If you're happy with your current partner that's all that matters (and is probably what the dream was about really).

So happy that I'm not the only one. My husband is frequently behaving like an arse in my dreams and then I get angry with him (in the dream) and I have no idea why this happens. He's lovely in real life.

We have a old friendship group that we rarely see now and not all memories of them are good by any means. They seem to infest all my dreams and I rarely have one without them in. We did spend a lot of time together for many years, but it's still very odd.

I never dream about my parents, but since my mum died in the spring I dream about her all the time.

Basically the subconscious is a very strange thing and I don't think dreams mean anything irl. It's just old memories getting churned and coming to the surface. Some people are just more deeply embedded and just there than others.

fdgdfgdfgdfg · 15/12/2022 13:31

I once had a dream that David Cameron swept me off my feet and we had the most fantastic relationship with him. I woke up yearning for my lost love for a minute or so until reality set in and I remembered that I'm a heterosexual male who would rather dive into a swimming pool full of sick than ever vote tory.

So no OP, I don't think it means anything and I think you can safely let go of your guilt.

AccidentallyRunToWindsor · 15/12/2022 13:37

I shagged Brad Pitt once In a dream. Means bugger all OP, don't worry

CluelesslyCurious · 15/12/2022 13:46

If dreams are any reflection of who we are I would have been sectioned years ago

IDontWantToBeAPie · 15/12/2022 15:04

You can't control dreams love. It's the minds way of processing things. And sometimes it's random! Maybe you heard a song/saw a T-shirt or some thing that day that made your brain think of him. Then it did it's dream thing and he popped up.

It could also be random. I dream of dragons and murder and talking lemons.

IDontWantToBeAPie · 15/12/2022 15:05

fdgdfgdfgdfg · 15/12/2022 13:31

I once had a dream that David Cameron swept me off my feet and we had the most fantastic relationship with him. I woke up yearning for my lost love for a minute or so until reality set in and I remembered that I'm a heterosexual male who would rather dive into a swimming pool full of sick than ever vote tory.

So no OP, I don't think it means anything and I think you can safely let go of your guilt.

Hahahaha this one is brilliant.

SnarkyBag · 15/12/2022 15:09

Your post reminded me of this

m.youtube.com/watch?v=dTBgTpDUAFg

LabradorsLoveSausages · 15/12/2022 15:13

I often dream about my ex, despite having been happily with DH for 16 years. He was a bit of a shit, so sadly so are the dreams. I'd really enjoy a dream about my first love though, he was lovely and I wouldn't feel an ounce of guilt.

I think fondly back to my Nick Clegg dreams 2010-14. The coalition years sharply coincided with the baby years in this house. And that filthy man certainly put a spring in my maternal, nocturnal step.

Echobelly · 15/12/2022 15:13

I've had lively dreams with my ex, a good friend, various celebs (including some really not appealing ones!) - none of these reflect anything about my feelings towards DH!

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 15/12/2022 15:14

FGS OP get a grip!! It’s a dream. Why would you feel guilty?!

PortiasBiscuit · 15/12/2022 15:18

I used to have filthy dreams about my ex.. and my husband and Mick Hucknall for some reason. Don’t actually orgasm in my sleep anymore, not since menopause, which is sad. Don’t suppose it’s any different from a wet dream for men though.
We are not responsible for our dreams, so just enjoy them.