To take off for a weekend away and force my DH and in laws to help with DD?

[Winniethepig]

My DH and I live in the US and my in laws are in UK. They're visiting us for 12 weeks and staying with me, DH and our 4mnth old and 3 year old.

The whole extended visit was sold to me as having lots of extra help and that DH and I could go away for a weekend, and out for dinners. Mother in law has a DD in UK and is literally always having her other three grandchildren for sometimes upto 4 nights while my sister in law and her husband take off to festivals, other countries etc and because we don't have them here we get none of that.

Anyway, their visit isn't taking away work for me but instead I'm doing so much more. My husband used to help with the toddlers bedtime but now his dad is here he is taking off on the longest dog walks possible, and the finding "projects" to do around the house that always require a visit to the hardware store around dinner, bath and bedtime.

So, I now do all day childcare, both bedtimes and then I come out and have to do most dinners.

I am beyond exhausted and thought I would have more help but I don't.

I want to take the baby and have myself a weekend away and just not tell them until
I have gone, and force my husband and his parents to actually help with DD. My baby I can manage, he feeds and sleeps.

AIBU to just take off and force their hand?

Poss = piss

I issue a reminder when mine come that DH does not get to disappear with them and leave me to do dinner - cooking is his job. If necessary. I go and sit down and say ‘ when are you starting …’. If yours has wandered off you need to start reminding him in front of them that he needs to do xyz at a certain time - and don’t do it yourself. Feed the toddler and do not start cooking for the adults. Get yourself some snacks in so you’re ok while you’re feeding the baby.,

Your in laws are staying for 3 months?!?! Jesus Christ, I'd take both the kids and only come back when they'd gone.
Seriously though, if they're staying with you for that long and saving on accomodation costs elsewhere, they should be helping out in return. Cooking meals, paying for dinner out, etc.

If you haven’t explicitly told your husband this isn’t working, you need to do that. Make it clear he needs to be doing at least half of the parenting and household duties when he is not at work. Leave the ILs out of it.

if that fails, I’d be tempted to take a break longer than a weekend, though I realize the problem there is how long do you want to be away from your older child?

This advice only applies if you haven’t spoken to them how you feel:

Have you spoken to them about how you are feeling? I think before doing anything drastic (understand why you feel this way - I bet you are so exhausted!) you should talk to them how you are feeling and even mention taking a few days out to yourself whilst they’re there.

I think ideally it would be nice for everyone to muck in, but unless asked some people just don’t! Maybe your SIL asks for her parents to look after kids, maybe as you haven’t asked they just think you don’t need the help

If you have spoken to them, asked for help then not sure how to go from there. Your DH should be more supportive to be honest