I have never come into contact with this thing before, as I have only been surrounded by good friends. But now I find I am dealing with a relative who has a horrible character who has passive-aggressive behaviour. And I really do not know how to deal with it!
Some background: I lived abroad and have now happened to return to a remote part of the country where the said relative lives. I know very few people here, but that is OK for me, as I am always in contact with good friends across the world online and I also enjoy my own company.
But there are times when I cannot avoid this relative (like Christmas, when I accepted her offer to spend the day with her). What is worse, if I have to spend the day in company (and I do enjoy socialising, even if my work makes me a hermit), I would much rather my energy and emotions were spent on someone who might be lonely - a genuinely nice person to whom circumstances have just been unkind!
I actually looked into helping ex-service men and women, as I know a lot about PTSD from war and sympathise with homeless veterans greatly. Unfortunately, the local organisation is in the hands of a rather busybody woman who seems to "gatekeep" for them all and she rather puts me off doing anything besides donating money.
So I suppose I have two questions:
- How do you best deal with relatives with a horrible character, given that you cannot just completely ignore them (when they live near you).
- Are there any nationwide organisations which team you up with lonely/unfortunate people so you can help them over an extended period (i.e. not just a few hours on Christmas Day, but a bit more long-term)? It would also be a good excuse: "Sorry, relative, have to go to X to help Y tomorrow..."
Please note that it is hard to tell lies, as relative goes on a search, even calls up organisations (yes, I know about data security, but staff give into her and break the law, if she calls up or writes to them - addressing the information officer is just a waste of my precious time to get a non-answer).