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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset with a friend?

14 replies

bendy75 · 15/12/2022 07:40

We have been friends for about 30 years and although I am no saint, I have always tried to be a good friend, her love life seems to be one drama after another and I have always been a shoulder to cry on, I have helped her out financially many times (still owes me quite a bit of money), now I am having a bit of a rough time, my husband has just been diagnosed with terminal cancer (only 49) and I have been very upset/anxious.
Cut to the last few weeks every time I tried to talk to her one of her other friends rings and she just cuts me off saying she will ring me later, this is not a new thing, she has always done it and usually it does not bother me at all but this last few weeks it has really wound me up.
Do you think it is just me being oversensitive because of what is going on in my life at the moment, like I say she has always done it, am I being unreasonable getting cross with her?

OP posts:

dolor · 15/12/2022 07:41

She's a pisstaker. You need to disengage and go on with your life. Block and remove from your contacts.

Doingmybest12 · 15/12/2022 07:43

It sounds like you've been far too flexible and patient up until now . No you are not unreasonable at all. She takes you for granted completely and doesn't recognise your needs at all. So fine to be cross. You need to let her know this is not ok and not to be so rude.

Mumdiva99 · 15/12/2022 07:44

Sorry to hear about your husband. You only need supportive people at the moment. She isn't being. Speak to another friend. (No need to make big decisions about cutting her off right now.....just don't rely on her for now).

MichelleScarn · 15/12/2022 07:46

YANBU I'd be making moves to get the money back and distance myself.

BroomHandledMouser · 15/12/2022 07:47

Sorry to hear about your husband 💐

She is being unbelievably rude and a shit friend. She’s speaking to you first, so she needs to ignore the other friend calling and call her back when your conversation is finished.

Try and lean on some other friends if you can, I don’t think you’ll get much support from her in all honesty.

hattie43 · 15/12/2022 07:47

Not really a friend is she .

Terrible news about your husband , so so sorry x

Crackof · 15/12/2022 07:49

You aren't being unreasonable. You just noticed what a bad friend she is.

determinedtomakethiswork · 15/12/2022 07:54

MichelleScarn · 15/12/2022 07:46

YANBU I'd be making moves to get the money back and distance myself.

That's exactly what I would do. If you cut ties now, you will never see that money.

I am so sorry about your husband. It must be a terrible time for both of you.

Candleabra · 15/12/2022 07:57

with some people you think you have a good friendship. Then when you need them you realise it’s completely one sided and they take from you and never give back. I’m very sorry about your husband.
Ask for the money back but be prepared to lose it. She isn’t a good friend,

lifeinthehills · 15/12/2022 07:58

It's times like this you find out who your true friends are.

Poppyblush · 15/12/2022 08:00

She’s a user. Tell her you need the money back that she owes you as you need it to do something very special for your husband. Hope there’s no way she’ll ignore that. Really sorry about your position with your DH.

EPFromTheStates · 15/12/2022 08:01

It sounds like you were always her friend, but now that you need her to be a friend to you, you are finding that she is not giving you the same level of care. I went through the same thing done years ago with my best friend. I realized that our relationship was toxic and one-sided, and we hardly speak today. You'll have to decide if yours is the same, but perhaps you can try telling her how you feel and see how that goes.

Original poster

bendy75 · 15/12/2022 09:13

Thank you so much for all your replies and your kind words, I do think you are right, I suppose I just thought she was not acting any differently to how she always has and it was maybe just my frame of mind at the moment making me take the huff.

Thanks again 😘

OP posts:

SomeBeings · 15/12/2022 09:21

I'm sorry to hear about your husband. 💐💐

Cut to the last few weeks every time I tried to talk to her one of her other friends rings and she just cuts me off saying she will ring me later, this is not a new thing, she has always done it and usually it does not bother me at all but this last few weeks it has really wound me up

You need to tell her that this is now bothering you. If it usually doesn't bother you then she won't realise that it now does unless you spell it out. I think a 30 year old friendship isn't something to throw away without giving her a chance to step up. She doesn't sound very nice but presumably there was something there that kept you being friends.

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