Family not met baby and Christmas

[tigerbearr]

Youngest dc is 6 months old. I have 2 siblings, one that lives a 20 min drive away, and one that lives in another country. When dc was born, my sibling that lives an 11 hour flight away came over to see him when he was a month old. My sibling that lives 20 minutes away has still never seen him. They did buy him a gift when he was born, but for some reason they took it to my mums house and left it there for us. I've spoken to them since he was born but they've never even asked about him. I feel really hurt over it. I know if the tables were turned and I didn't bother to meet their child when she was born (who's now a teen so not a baby anymore) they'd never have spoken to me again. I spent so much time with her and looked after her all the time, which I think is why I'm so hurt because I put so much effort in and now it's like my kids don't even exist. When he was born they were invited round to come and see him (we also have a disabled daughter and getting her to and in their house is difficult so we always arrange things at our house since she was born) but he ended up back in hospital for another week and when we got back home and I let them know we were back home and we couldn't wait for them to meet him, they never mentioned him again and it's like he doesn't exist.
It's now Christmas and my siblings birthday a week after and I'm feeling really resentful that I have a 6 month old they haven't been bothered to meet. I feel even more resentful buying them all gifts and pretending everything is fine when I'm really upset over this.
What would you do? Would you buy everyone gifts and pretend like everything is ok for Christmas? Or should I stick to my guns and think if they can't even be bothered to meet my son then I'm no longer making the effort for them and miss Christmas and birthdays?

Will you be there when they open their presents? Like is it a big family thing? If so I'd be tempted to buy a token Christmas gift. If they don't get you anything you know for next year not to bother.

I would buy them a bit smaller gift that you were intending[they dont have to know that].

Hope things work out well for you.

No, we'd usually exchange gifts the week before, so next week. But with them not even seeing him and them leaving his gift when he was born at my mums house, i predict they'll do the same with Christmas present and not come round here with them like usual.
My little girl has been really poorly and had lots of surgeries where they've never even bothered to ask how she is and things and I've let is slip because I know people get busy even though it's upset me. But to just not bother to come and meet my baby and now he's 6 months old, I just feel like not bothering to make the effort any more. The fact we've just not seen them for 6 months is odd too!

Yes very odd. Maybe get them a tin of biscuits and leave it at that.

Is there not the possibility they were waiting for you to rearrange a date after they'd previously invited you to theirs, and left the gift with your mom so they weren't imposing?

Your post made me realise I saw my brother last month for the first time since last Xmas and probably didnt ask him specifically how his DC are vice versa because we had a million other things to chat about and knew we'd already know anything important.

To answer your question, I'd still get gifts if you normally would. Maybe just a bottle of something and a board game for their family.

That's really sad! Are you tempted to not just ask if everything is ok? Or text and ask if they're free over Christmas to come meet the baby so you can gage their response.

I had this with my step sister. She ignored the invite to my baby shower, never text or acknowledged my son was born and didn't send a card or gift. I told my dad I was upset and didn't understand and he said she had been upset with me for months because I didn't call her when I found out I was expecting to tell her myself, I let my dad tell her who she lived with. For context we're not close so never entered my head to call her as never even had a phone conversation with her before! Didn't end well, I didn't invite her to the christening (which she wouldn't have come to) and caused a big fraction in the family.

If you can find out the issue and resolve it that would be the best way to deal with it.

I don't find it unusual not to ask about the kids in general, but I do find it unusual not to ask about a new baby

I have spoken to them since he was born. They've just never mentioned him or seen him like he doesn't exist. I have mentioned it to my mum and dad and they've not said they've said anything to them. I haven't done anything that would upset them. He isn't a new baby anymore and he's just one of the kids now lol but it hurts they never cared about the "new baby", you don't get that newborn stage back so it's passed now

Sorry OP that sounds tough for you.. Maybe they've got more recent fertility issues and find it hard to be around a new baby. It sounds strange they've stayed away when they are so local. Hope you have a lovely Christmas x

As a parent of a child with SEND, I've learnt the hard way that some people will distance themselves from you. One woman actually crossed the street when she saw me coming so she wouldn't have to talk to me.

My sil has met my ds a handful of times since birth, he's now a teenager. She only contacts us when she wants something & ignored us when ds had surgery earlier this year. It does hurt when this happens but protect yourself by not having any expectation of them. Treat them like a stranger in the street and concentrate on those who matter.

Don't make a fuss about them. My sil asked me where her birthday present was & I told her I'd give it to her when I see her. It was too bulky to post and so far she hasn't collected it and it's been 6 months
I will donate the gift to the salvation army Christmas gift appeal instead. The stupid cow doesn't deserve it.

What does your mum say about it all? Why is she accepting the presents like she runs some kind of drop in centre?! I wonder what the conversation was when he dropped the original present off there, what the reasoning was not to hold onto it and drop round himself. He sounds very childish and is creating such an annoying situation for you!

I wouldn't buy any presents this year! Just say you've been preoccupied with your baby!

It’s odd, but could they possibly have had a miscarriage recently/were due at the same time but lost their baby?

We've had the opposite experience especially from strangers in terms of our little girl. People seem to gravitate towards her lol. I always make sure she has bright colourful wheels with characters on her wheelchair because I noticed it gives people something to comment on so they don't avoid us not knowing what to say. Same with her glasses. She wears pink glasses and it seems every old lady we walk past wants to come over and talk to her about her pink glasses lol
I think family are different though and they either care or they don't unfortunately. It's just sad when you put the effort in and they decide not to bother. It's them missing out, he's a gorgeous little boy that's so happy and smiley. It still hurts though

Lol that made me laugh! I don't know to be honest. I have mentioned it to her and she seemed surprised they haven't seen him which made me wonder if they'd given her the impression they have. I did say when she gave me the present that they could have brought it round themselves, after all we do all live near each other! But she just responded with "that's what I thought" but obviously hadn't said that to them

My first thought is what @FlamingJingleBells suggested. She knew you helped her lots with her DC and may even have wanted to return the favour but distanced herself when it turned out she was disabled. If this is the case, she is just awful.

I saw all my nieces and nephews quickly but when they were older and busy we waited for Christmas for them to meet ours. Babies aren’t that exciting for others if not take it personally. Don’t do petty reprisals or this will get out of hand, treat them as you would at any other Christmas.

I think I'd call them up and ask what's going on.

You don't know what is going on in their life. They did send a gift. They are your sibling. Unless there is something else going on I think buy a gift as normal, invite them over at Christmas and move on from there. Maybe they don't love babies, maybe they are offended you haven't invited them round, maybe you didn't message them to thank them for the gift. Who knows? Don't make a bug thing about it unless you reach out and they snub you directly.

@tigerbearr I'd be tempted to straight up ask why they haven't been around. It is really sad though. Sometimes people are just arseholes! Do you think they could have been a little jealous of your new baby bubble? Or just too self absorbed in themselves to care? Either way it's such a shame and no doubt they're missing out on a wonderful little boy!

I think I would go like @panko and buy a tin of biscuits and leave them at your parents´ for them to pick up. But then, I am a tad passive aggressive when hurt. I think they have set the tone and it must be soooo disappointing for you. For your own sanity you have to reset your expectations down to low/non existent. Don´t let this eat away at you any longer, you need your energy and happiness for your little ones. Those who are lukewarm or in this case stone cold have to be left by the kerb stone.