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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Child maintenance and passports

16 replies

Kirstywh032 · 14/12/2022 23:39

Aibu? My ex husband and I divorced about 4 years ago we share a son aged 7. Our son lives with me and my new partner and his daughter and he stays with his dad overnight midweek and every 2nd weekend plus Saturday for a few hours when on alternate weekend. My ex also has a partner and they are planning to take our son on his first holiday abroad next year. My ex is insisting I pay for our son's passport saying that he pays a fortune on maintenance and he also pays half after school childcare fees so that covers the passport and I have his birth certificate so I should apply and pay for passport. The maintenance he pays is basic as per csa guildlines. I would contribute to the passport if we were going to take our son away too in near future but we won't be in a financial position to do that for a few years. As he is wanting to go on holiday I think my ex should pay for the passport. AIBU?

OP posts:
Tinkerbyebye · 14/12/2022 23:42

But if you pay for it you keep it. Otherwise the ex will keep It. I would want control of it

DarkDarkNight · 14/12/2022 23:43

It’s a bit tricky. On the one hand you could say your ex is taking your son then he should pay, on the other though I would want my son to have the holiday so would pay or go halves.

musicalfrog · 14/12/2022 23:44

Just offer to go halves. I can think of bigger battles than this one.

MoreRainbowsPlease · 14/12/2022 23:45

I'd point out that the only reason he needs a passport is for going on holiday with his Dad, so he can sort it. Also your ex can get a copy of your son's birth certificate he doesn't need to have yours.

CakeIsNotAvailable · 14/12/2022 23:46

I'd go halves.

newnamequickly · 14/12/2022 23:47

I had this. I said that I give you consent to take DS out of the country.

That if you want to take him out of the country I'll give you his birth certificate so you can organise his passport.

I said I didn't want to be involved in this as it was his choice to take them abroad not mine. If he can afford a holiday abroad he can afford the passport.

Be aware, if he's an arse he might not give you the passport at a later date if you need it to go away.

sleepylittlebunnies · 14/12/2022 23:49

I think I would go halves with him. The holiday will benefit your son and if you are able to take him abr

sleepylittlebunnies · 14/12/2022 23:49

abroad at all in the next 5 years then there should be no issue.

MintJulia · 14/12/2022 23:50

musicalfrog · 14/12/2022 23:44

Just offer to go halves. I can think of bigger battles than this one.

This.

And it removes the inevitable argument for when you want to take ds on holiday and your ex claims the passport is 'his'.

Plus it establishes a precedent for when ds will need a passport for the inevitable French or German GCSE trip

user1471457751 · 15/12/2022 01:14

How awkward and petty do you think your ex could get over this? Half the cost of a passport is worth it if it means he doesn't stop paying half the after school childcare fees.

Original poster
Kirstywh032 · 15/12/2022 18:24

Well today I offered to go Half's very amiably and this was the response - he still refused he is adamant he pays a fortune and I get more than enough money 'child maintenance covers everything' 😏

OP posts:
Igglepiggleslittletoe · 15/12/2022 18:35

Well in that case he does not get to bring the child on holiday so ignore him. If he is bull headed about this then let him lose out. The child will know no different in the end anyway.

Hiphopboppertybop99 · 15/12/2022 18:38

I would reiterate your offer to pay half.
Do you think you may need to use the passport in the next 5 years?
You can also tell him that whilst he may pay a 'fortune'... in maintenance it covers all the essentials for your son, not the extra cost of a passport.

Whatthefuck3456 · 15/12/2022 18:46

Or you could be grateful his dad is in a position to take him away on holiday, giving him an experience you cannot. Why would u not pay the passport to help for your son instead of this bitterness because he’s taking him away!

JustLyra · 15/12/2022 18:52

Be careful he’s not setting you up to be the bad guy. Do you think he genuinely wants to take your DC away?

My ex demanded I get passports so he could take our girls on holiday to Spain. I said no as I genuinely couldn’t afford it. I’d sort them if he paid, but not otherwise.

He took his then girlfriend and her two kids to Disney in Florida and told my girls I stopped them from going. He used the “I’d love to take you but Mummy won’t do the paperwork I need to be allowed” for 3 years in a row.

Then his Mum bought them passports to take them away and suddenly he couldn’t afford to take them when he went…

WeDontNeedToTalkAboutJamie · 15/12/2022 19:10

I think he should buy it if he wants to take DS away.

Unless he's then likely to refuse to let you have it in the future.

I was planning to take DC abroad a could of years ago (didn't in the end due to Covid). As it was me that wanted to take them I wouldn't have dreamed of asking ex to pay for/towards their passports. Mind you, he doesn't pay maintenance either so he would have refused.

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