Can someone make sense of what just happened...

31 replies

dazedandconfu5ed · 14/12/2022 23:08

My ex was having our two year old for two nights (tonight and tomorrow). He was meant to pick her up from nursery but said he was stuck in traffic and could I pick her up and drop her off (and hour and a half round trip for me). However, I agreed.

I got home and was meant to be having a very rare pamper night (eg washing hair) and getting a good nights sleep. He FaceTimed me at 7.30 to show my darling two year old sobbing uncontrollably for me. He then says 'I'm bringing her over.' I questioned this and said but you're meant to be having her for two nights. He then says 'what do you expect me to do? I bet you're fucking loving this.'

He then gets to my house with her and she is tired and hugging him. She then doesn't want to let go. He then proceeds to pick her up and put her back in the car then when she ask for me takes her back into the house! He does this two further times. When I say this isn't fair to our daughter he scrunches his hand into a fist and waves it at me (holding our daughter) and hisses 'I wish I could just...' 'you're mental' on the third failed attempt to put her back in the car I take my little girl and say this is not on and go into the house!

When I was with him during the first year of our daughters life he drunk heavily and would be physical with me (push me up by my neck) and just be vile! Hence why we're not together.

I can't believe how angry and threatening he was towards me in front of our two year old. All because she missed her mummy, which is totally normal! She misses her dad too! It really makes me nervous what kind of man is bringing up a daughter as he obviously has no respect for women. There was something rather sickening him holding our daughter whilst being so angry and threatening to punch me! (I know he didn't actually do this)!

OP posts:

Cj19877 · 15/12/2022 00:22

That was your takeaway from this thread? Very unhelpful. There are plenty of co-parents that function without issue, please don't add further guilt to these situations.

Cj19877 · 15/12/2022 00:23

Responding to this comment

zzzexhaustedzzz · 15/12/2022 00:23

I recommend womens aid / IDAS for advice. I put up with too much to enable my kids to see their dad. Turned out he had sunk into alcoholism and couldn’t cope with life on his own at all. I’m not sure what a non- molestation order is but look into that too. I have the impression that one of those can protect you both. Find other single mums to support you, it really helps.

Cj19877 · 15/12/2022 00:25

Manchester1990 · 14/12/2022 23:53

Your poor daughter, she can’t understand being away from you for 2 nights and 3 days.

Failing at technology tonight! This is the post I was trying to quote in my last post

Willmafrockfit · 15/12/2022 00:38

let her have a long break from him
he sounds like he is heading for some sort of crash

isitdoinasnow · 15/12/2022 00:53

I'm sorry you've both been through this. My ex is similar to yours, I think a lot of relationships breakdown because of this type of behaviour. It's not enough to stop contact and difficult to prove.
My children go to their dads once a fortnight and sometimes cry for me. We had one night where they were reluctant to go (as they didn't want to leave me) but also excited to see daddy so I said 'well, if you feel really sad then I could come and get you'. This caused so much drama. They said they wanted to come home after a few hours and so I drove to pick them up. Their dad was absolutely furious with me but he let them go. He didn't care how they felt at all, it was all about him and his plans being disrupted and also probably feeling rejected.
Since then, he now puts them on the phone and we leave the phone on at bedtime so I can hear them settle down to make sure they are happy. It's heartbreaking though.
Most of the time they stay there, I can't relax and feel stressed with worry.

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