School is a huge stressor for my son (7). School have referred him for an assessment for autism and adhd, but since he is undiagnosed, support and understanding of his needs are patchy. He almost certainly has both and he finds school overwhelming in every way, and cries when it gets too much, which on bad days could be several times a day, but he almost never complains about going in. This half term has been an absolute slog for him, and it felt like he was ready for a school holiday about two weeks after half term. Today was particularly hard for him as it was the day of the class performance. He did a great job, in his role, which I would probably describe as an 'extra'. Predictably, after holding it together through the show, he had a huge wobble at the end, which I supported him through before he went back to class. He told me that later in the day his class returned to the school hall for another year group's performance. He said he asked for his ear defenders for this, but was told no, because he would miss part of the show. For context, he doesn't eat lunch in the hall because it's overstimulating, and he is supposed to have access to ear defenders whenever he needs them, but particularly for things like assemblies. I know that sitting still for another hour, without ear defenders in that big hall would have been so hard for him, and certainly not the enjoyable treat it was meant to be.
Tomorrow is the second run of his show. I won't be able to attend as parents can only go once. He's begged me to be able to stay at home tomorrow. I suggested I tell his teacher in the morning that he needs to be excused from the performance, which I think they'll be fine with, but the alternative options of sitting in the hall anyway or joining another class, don't feel like much better options. I've told him that we'll discuss in the morning once he's slept on it, but if he feels the same in the morning he doesn't need to go in. This is for one day only and he will be back at school on Friday.
This is unchartered territory for me. As a child, I needed to be vomiting in a bucket before I was allowed to stay home, and I have held the same line with DS. I don't want advice on whether he should go in or not. My AIBU is whether I should give mental health and needing a break as the reason I am keeping him off. I feel like I want to tell the school that this is a mental health day. That is what it is and that is what he needs, but will they take it seriously? Will my card be marked as a parent who takes their child out for spurious reasons? I am worried they'll phone me and tell me to bring him in.
YABU - make something up about a fever or a headache
YANBU - absolutely don't make excuses or try to cover up mental health. Tell it like it is.