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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DH ruining my day off (lighthearted)

56 replies

Falalalalaaa · 14/12/2022 22:11

I know IABU but I just need to vent…

I had booked a day off work tomorrow, as I had some holiday to use up and really need a day to myself! Kids are at school and after school club so would have the full day.

I was planning on just pottering about at home ALONE with my podcasts on maybe sorting out some drawers etc.

DH has just told me, he has taken the day off too. He was all excited about it saying we can spend the day together. I’m trying not to show him how gutted I am. I love him to bits, but really needed this day to myself. I can’t possibly tell him as he honestly thought it would be a nice surprise for me.

I know I just need to get over it and enjoy having the day with him, but it’s just not what I was looking forward to.

OP posts:

Famousinlove · 15/12/2022 00:47

UnicornsHaveDadsToo · 14/12/2022 22:27

😂😂😂
I'm a husband and voted that you're NOT being unreasonable! My wife would, and actually did, tell me that she wanted the day to herself, and I'd just have to entertain myself some other way, read a book, go for a drive, whatever, she just needed a bit of her own quiet time. There's nothing wrong with that and if he's a sensible man, he'll understand. He might even find it funny!

Why did this comment make me think of Kevin from Motherland!

YANBU, i think you should just tell him you were planning on listening to your podcasts and leave him to it, he can't be annoyed at that since until now you thought you were spending the day alone.

workworkworkugh · 15/12/2022 00:57

I feel you.
I have one day off work each fortnight and I absolutely love the time to myself.
I use it to run errands, meet up with a friend and watch movies all afternoon, I need it for my mental health.
A few times my husband has suggested taking the day off to to spend with me or to come home for lunch and I am usually very blunt with him to absolutely NOT do that haha
I love him to bits and we love spending time together usually but do not encroach on my day off!

EllesB · 15/12/2022 01:02

What a sweet, stupid man he is. 😂

Oh well, he tried. Maybe you can send him on a grand quest for something in a shop that will give you an hour or two of alone time.

someonecookmydinnerplease · 15/12/2022 01:10

I've recently moved from working mon-Fri toa shift pattern... I love it because I get mid week days to myself regularly! It's heaven! Totally worth working a couple of weekends a month for! DH knows I love it because I love me time... he completely understands 🥰

NEmama · 15/12/2022 06:54

@CanYouFeelMyHeart I totally get the need for alone time. As long as he's not using up all of his holidays what's the problem with a couple to himself

OutDamnedSpot · 15/12/2022 07:00

How have you got as far into a relationship as to get married, without DH knowing you need time to yourself? 😅

Whatifthegrassisblue · 15/12/2022 07:04

Ugh I totally feel your pain! Take another day off and don't tell him!

Christmascountdownison · 15/12/2022 07:09

I’m totally overdue a day to myself - luckily my OH can only book days off about 18 months in advance!

panko · 15/12/2022 07:09

I absolutely hate when this happened. I had to explain to DH that next time discuss it as I might not want to "do something fun". I had booked a day off to sleep in and get on with a bit of housework and then he was like surprise I have it off too! So I made him help with the housework haha

GimmeSleep · 15/12/2022 07:24

the man incapable of deciding independently whether he wants toast or cereal for breakfast

Are we married to the same man? 😬

EPFromTheStates · 15/12/2022 07:29

We just be married to the same man. 🤭 My husband's idea of relaxing is us driving around together and shopping, but he doesn't work. I work full-time and have to handle most day-to-day things that come up. When I get a chance to sit down, my idea of relaxing is having our apartment to myself and taking root on the couch. It's not understand to desire a moment alone to recenter yourself.

LouLou789 · 15/12/2022 07:41

YANBU. My DH is retired and has some health problems. I work PT at home. The only blinking slice of time I ever get for me is if I get up ridiculously early. I do this most days. Yesterday, being knackered, I slept till 7.45 and he woke up and got up too! Epic fail.

LookItsMeAgain · 15/12/2022 08:01

You needed to say "Oh, that's a pity that you've taken the day off too. I had made plans to do X, Y and Z which you've said you hate doing so I was going to tackle them on my day off. Do you want to do that or can you still go in to work and we'll pick a better day when we can do nice things together?"

Hope your day isn't too disrupted by your other half being there when you weren't expecting them to be. 😉

Postgraddope · 15/12/2022 08:08

I 100% hear you OP .Can really understand your disappointment! I absolutely crave my own company,particularly since covid and my husband has now bloody retired !
I actually have made it very clear that I do need my space on my days off !
Hope you get to enjoy your day . An you find any errands that involve him out of house for a few hours? !

Windbeneathmybingowings · 15/12/2022 08:13

I am part time. I have two days a week where I seriously crack on. The kids and DH have been around me all week due to snow days. It’s ridiculous, you can’t get on with anything. I’ve spent two days looking after the children and nothing has been done.

Even if it was just him off, it would creep me out, I’ve got things to do.

DilemmaDelilah · 15/12/2022 08:13

With my husband, I would have said 'oh how lovely! I do have to get/wrap your present and I have an appointment at 10:00 but you can have a nice lie in and we can spend the whole afternoon together'

dollyblack · 15/12/2022 08:38

Oh god I would have the rage about this too. And even if he is hanging about the house not bothering you its just NOT THE SAME.

My dh also likes going to the supermarket together. I feel that i either want to go in peace and listen to music and thrash through it efficiently or he can just go himself and take that job off my list. Its not a leisure activity!

Champagneforeveryone · 15/12/2022 11:19

dollyblack · 15/12/2022 08:38

Oh god I would have the rage about this too. And even if he is hanging about the house not bothering you its just NOT THE SAME.

DH also offers to do things like the supermarket shop with me, but is entirely incapable of doing it independently (which would be entirely more helpful)

He's gone to work today but has a gap between jobs so is back in the house. Just there. Hovering. Chattering. Ambling about. I have actually said "for the love of God, please stand in one fucking place", to offended looks.

Admittedly it's very cold to be sat in his van waiting, and it is his house as much as mine but still....

Theres now mutterings about not going on his works do tomorrow in case I "need support". DH hates Christmas do's and only goes so as not to be seen as a misery guts so this is not an entirely selfless gesture. I am incandescent with rage at the idea.

LindaEllen · 15/12/2022 11:33

I get you. Me and DP run our business from home, and also share our main hobby - so spend pretty much all of our time together.

Therefore I'm thrilled when he says he's going out for a drink with his friends, or popping round to see his parents.. and when he invites me for drinks too (being nice) he's sometimes disappointed that I'd rather have time without him, haha.

Littlepiggiesinblankets · 15/12/2022 11:40

DH is away this weekend for work for the first time in a while. I will be eating chocolate and watching non-stop Christmas films, Olympia Horse Show and Strictly without the background of moaning.

There is a chance it might be cancel. I'll be GUTTED.

He is absolutely fabulous in virtually every way, but sometimes I just really, really want to be on my own in the house.

So YANDBU.

CanYouFeelMyHeart · 15/12/2022 12:48

NEmama · 15/12/2022 06:54

@CanYouFeelMyHeart I totally get the need for alone time. As long as he's not using up all of his holidays what's the problem with a couple to himself

Oh I agree! But honestly imagine the thread, there would be affair accusations from the first reply 😆

Brefugee · 15/12/2022 12:57

Just tell him. And ask him to cancel his day off?

Lollypop701 · 15/12/2022 14:12

It’s a mental health day imo!

EndlessRain1 · 15/12/2022 14:14

My DH did similar last week. Try make the most of it, spend some couple time together, perhaps persuade him to take an hour or two to himself doing something he enjoys (so you can do the same).

Original poster

Falalalalaaa · 15/12/2022 17:32

Just catching up on the replies- DH was so lovely today, yes it wasn’t the day I had planned but was a good one none the less. He sorted the kids and took them to school, let me stay in bed with breakfast and coffee (that he made) we went out for lunch and did some bits of DIY that needed doing around the house. Now he has gone to pick up the kids and is getting fish and chips for dinner.

I’m over being annoyed and just very happy to have a lovely dh. Decided he’s a keeper (kind of already knew this after 20 years together) 😂

OP posts:

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