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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel so lonely

18 replies

Kitten2022 · 14/12/2022 21:33

I'm in my early 30s
I feel like a just a bother to my friends, they have their own lives
I don't, I have no one. Nothing.
But I feel like I don't deserve anyone either for many reasons

I just don't know what to do

OP posts:

Fusciainertia · 14/12/2022 21:39

Has something happened today to feel like this?

I can relate. I have high friendship needs since my parents live abroad and my marriage is breaking down.

Do you think it might be worth making some new connections?

When did you last see a friend? Do you think now is a good time to reach out?

Original poster

Kitten2022 · 14/12/2022 21:41

No, it's a permanent feeling. Constantly on the edge of tears I hate it so much.

I saw friends the other day, and right back at rock bottom again

I have no idea how to make new connections, which sounds ridiculous I know

OP posts:

AliceAbsolum · 14/12/2022 21:43

That sounds really tough. Have you discussed it in therapy? I felt similar to you but therapy really helped me.

Fusciainertia · 14/12/2022 21:45

How long have you been feeling like this for?

It doesn't sound rediculous, I think you're being hard on yourself. I think it's good to make new friends by doing something regularly that you enjoy so that the emphasis is on the thing and then making friends it's an added bonus. So like a regular walking club, yoga class, arts and craft club, book club anything that you're interested in.

Or if wanted to be more direct about it you could try the app peanut....that's to make mum friends.

Original poster

Kitten2022 · 14/12/2022 21:47

I've had therapy before but my therapist is no longer working

Months, I also live in a fairly remote area where there's not masses going on either, but can't move because of work 😕

OP posts:

Fusciainertia · 14/12/2022 21:50

Would you consider an online therapist?

JamSandle · 14/12/2022 21:50

I dont think loneliness among the younger gens are talked about enough. Similar age to you and I've felt this before too.

Nowifi · 14/12/2022 21:52

Sorry to hear you are feeling so low. I felt this way a lot before I had kids, that's not to say that's the answer but I remember how it felt. Do you have anyone you can reach out to?

Original poster

Kitten2022 · 14/12/2022 21:56

Not really
I'm just a bother to everyone

I wish I could just rewind time, I've wasted so many years

OP posts:

Fusciainertia · 14/12/2022 22:27

Feeling like you're a bother is the nature of feeling lonely. You don't have to believe it.

You are valued, you just can't feel it right now.

thelengthspeoplegoto · 14/12/2022 22:33

I too have felt loneliness in the past. It can feel daunting but you have to try and put yourself out there. Completely agree with PP, try some new interests. It really is such a good way to meet new people. It takes time to build friendships so stick with it.
It's never to late to start!

Original poster

Kitten2022 · 14/12/2022 22:35

Fusciainertia · 14/12/2022 22:27

Feeling like you're a bother is the nature of feeling lonely. You don't have to believe it.

You are valued, you just can't feel it right now.

Thank you. I really mean it.

I spend so much time thinking how people would just get over it if I vanished and it feels like people would get over it quickly tbh.
Don't worry, I'm not going to do anything, I never could

OP posts:

NoseyNellie · 14/12/2022 22:38

Are you being treated for your depression?

alittleadvicepls · 14/12/2022 22:40

Do you have a pet? I don’t want to sound condescending but oh my goodness they bring so much joy to my life!

Divebar2021 · 14/12/2022 22:41

Sorry this is going to sound really harsh but you’ve got a bit of a pity party going on which is unfortunate because that probably drives people away more than anything else. Sounds like you actually have friends (which is the hardest part) but for some reason you don’t think you add value to their lives? What is it about you that you think is so objectionable?

Original poster

Kitten2022 · 14/12/2022 22:41

NoseyNellie · 14/12/2022 22:38

Are you being treated for your depression?

I stopped medication and for various reasons I wouldn't want to go back on it

OP posts:

Thefriendlyone · 14/12/2022 22:45

Depression is an illness just like any other, if you don’t wish to take meds, I’d advise you to speak to your gp for help, you don’t need to live like this, there is help available,

NoseyNellie · 14/12/2022 22:53

Kitten2022 · 14/12/2022 22:41

I stopped medication and for various reasons I wouldn't want to go back on it

Show quote history

Ok, I respect that is your choice to make, but it is the depression making you think and feel this way. I speak from experience. If you think your fiends are robust enough/understand your mental health issues, you could ask one/some/all of them what value you bring to their lives - (I’ve asked and had some really interesting responses) but the trouble is, in the headspace that you’re in at the moment, I don’t know if you will sincerely hear what they tell you…

if you don’t medicate then you need to find other ways to get yourself to a better place - therapy, exercise, volunteering, meditation, etc etc. it’s an arse because all that shit needs motivation and it’s hard to find, but perhaps until the days get lighter you just need to hibernate and get through the shitty months (sorry, I assume everyone has an element of SAD, might just be me)

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