Ex and I have 4 dc. Ds1 is autistic, v challenging and gets DLA. DS2 is awaiting assessment, also challenging and I have applied for DLA for him as well. Both their issues mean I cannot work and I get carers allowance and tax credits. Things are tight but we manage.
Ex has some of the dc once a month (his choice). He says he can't have all at same time due to small size of his flat and money, and in any case ds1 and ds2 often don't want to go.
Ex has bipolar and doesn't work because of it - he gets PIP.
Ex told me some time ago, when DS1 wanted to go to his place for the first time in years that he couldnt afford it while paying maintenance so I agreed that he wouldn't pay it because of the costs of having ds1 separately to the other dc.
Ds1 had a meltdown last night, and self harmed, and another this afternoon in which he very nearly injured his much younger sister. After he had calmed down he said he wanted to go and stay with his dad for a week and I agreed, despite this meaning missing the last two days of school, for every bodies safety.
Ex said he couldn't afford to put the heating on because he was so skint and hadn't budgeted to have ds this week, so I offered him ds DLA money on a daily rate, which is approx £11 per day.
He has come back saying he wants the daily equivalent of carers allowance and tax credits as well.
AIBU to say no - he can't have those as well? I buy everything for all of the dc, pay for phones, activities, clothes, etc. He will not have to pay for anything other than heating and food - which will not cost more than £11 per day (it wouldn't be more here and my house is a lot bigger).
As an aside - I need to do some work in the house to the dc rooms and ex got wind of it and offered to lend me money for it, he also offered to pay for dds upcoming school residential. He hasn't actually paid, although I said yes please to the residential, but if he's so skint why would he be offering these things?