To be upset with my parents reaction to my mental breakdown

[Chumbibi]

Currently 6 months PP and experiencing terrible sleep deprivation. DH reached out to my parents about 6 weeks ago to explain how much I was struggling. DM told me to ask her if I need help, and that she’s not a mind reader. I got very emotional and she did too as she said it really upset her seeing me upset.

fast forward to a couple of days ago, where I just had a complete breakdown, was screaming crying because the baby woke up so much and told my husband that I just couldn’t cope and wanted to commit suicide. Ran downstairs screaming trying to run out into the road. DH managed to stop me. Have been in a strange mental state since, spoke to GP and DH told my parents what had happened, said he would take some time off but desperately needed their help given how bad things have got.

all day yesterday I expected them to turn up but they never did. My DF just said to DH that it was clearly a cry for help, but didn’t really say much else. DM asked what did they want us to do about it.

AIBU in expecting them to just come over, for my DM to give me a cuddle, take the baby, tell me to go upstairs and sort a few loads of washing. Do I have to say to them after such a traumatic event, please can you come and see me and give me a hug?

No they should have but it may be that this is how they are in general. What were they like before? Is your mum the sort to come over and help? If she isn't then I guess they are not likely to be great in an emotional crisis.
Maybe you need to spell it out. e.g. I need some help with the baby today. Could you come over and look after him while I rest / go out / sort out X? or I am massively behind on washing, could you do a load for me?
I also think it's worth being realistic. If they don't or won't help, think about who else might be more helpful to you. I hope you feel better soon.

I'm so sorry
You're going through this. Is there anyone else who can help? Do home start still exist?

Oh, op, it's so hard when you are so tired that your body unravels and sinks every ounce of your wellbeing. It should be obvious to your parents that the most basic of their help and support right now could be hugely beneficial. They clearly need it spelling out and if they don't pick up the reins then then they need to rescind their offer of help and wrack it is with the false hope.

In the meantime, is there anyone you could call upon. If you were any of my friends I'd be happy to help. I've been there and know the value of a friendly face, some tangible help and a nap - even if that puts just enough in the tank to think about your next step.

OP....I really feel for you.
Please please hang on in there.
Please contact your GP or health visitor. You need support. Please ask for help.

Please remember your baby needs you to be well. If that means you need a night away in a hotel to save your sanity, do it. Talk to your partner & try to sort something out.

Hugs.

Are your parents normally the type to come round/hug/help? If not, it’s not surprising they are not now, sadly. Could anyone else help at all? Friends, his relatives? Your poor husband must be distraught too. Please also see your GP.

I'm sorry you're struggling
But tbh just because they're your parents doesn't mean they're the best people to support you. The fact your DM was so upset the last time she saw you upset probably means she isn't the best person to help just now. That doesn't mean they don't love you. It doesn't mean they don't want you to feel better. It just means they're not the ones best equipped to offer practical or emotional support.

They might also think that if they swoop in to help, you won't actually pursue the professional help you might need. This isn't really a time for papering over cracks or putting on a washing. You need better, professional support than that. As a PP said, speak to your health visitor. Go back to the GP. Did he suggest counselling or medication or refer you to the MH team? Did he suggest any parent-and-baby support groups?

Are you get medical help?

Sorry they are so dim! Spell it out - suggest options for what’d be helpful. Can you take the baby for a walk a few times a week to give me some downtime? Could you hold her whilst I put on the washing and do some batch cooking? Would you mind getting a few things for us when you’re out shopping anyway? Would you be able to drop round some prepped food we just need to put in the microwave? You’ll know what they might agree to and what would actually help. I remember that time of sleep deprivation and we got a short term au pair/domestic help for 8 weeks just because it was so so hard! That helped massively but obviously don’t know if you have space/money

They might not know what to do or how to help. In this scenario I probably would have expected my DH to ask my mum/his mum if they would mind taking the baby for a night so I could catch up on some well needed sleep.

It’s so torturous being sleep deprived so I completely sympathise. It helped to do shifts with my DH so we each could get blocks of about 5 hours sleep and that’s how we survived for a while. However, it does sound as though you need a bit more support from a professional in this case as well.

OP can you afford to pay for help? Eg a post-natal doula? Even a student one? Google doula UK. I’m really feeling for you. If I were your mum I’d come and offer help but maybe your mum doesn’t know how. I can see how this is really upsetting. As pp said can you ask her to come over every day for a bit to take the baby while you sleep for a couple of hours?

Oh, I’m so so sorry. Almost the exact same situation happened to me when our DS1 was a new baby over 20 years ago and I still feel the hurt. Why would our parents would be so thoughtless?
Please seek professional help and get as much rest as you possibly can.
Thinking of you.